So if the advice factory in your home town seems to have everybody working double shifts, it might be time to sit down and decide what being a mom means to you. Here are a few observations that might help you sort things out.
For starters, realize that there's just no way to please everyone. Fact is, there are as many parenting philosophies as there are people. Besides, is pleasing everyone what makes a great mom? The answer is "no!" Your child is your responsibility and, as a parent, it's up to you to decide what's best.
So when people try to be helpful, take it at face value. Be glad they're trying to help, but realize there's no need to follow every suggestion or untangle all the conflicting advice you receive from others. Your job as a mom is to raise a really terrific kid!
That's not to say that you should ignore all advice from others. It's often very helpful to see
your child through someone else's eyes, including friends, family and child development professionals. Just keep in mind that you have a right to decide for yourself, according to your personal set of values, what's best for your child. Perhaps, in the end, the true meaning of being a mom is the love and thoughtfulness you put into making those crucial decisions, day in and day out.
How do you decode the word "mom?" Is it a title, a full time occupation, or is it simply a role - one of many a woman with kids must play in life? And how do you handle advice overload? Have you found a simple catch phrase to use as response? What advice from child experts do you find most helpful?
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Comments: 12
I remember trying on baby carriers with my firstborn. I had a sling, a pouch carrier, and an upright carrier. A sling was supposedly best for the baby, because of how the baby's weight is distributed throughout the entire body, or some other physics reason. But the reality was my son HATED the sling. He wanted to be in the upright carrier. He wanted to play with my face, and be upright and look around at everyone. It was quickly obvious to me that the sling wasn't best for me, because it wasn't the carrier my baby wanted. At that point, I realized the best piece of advice: You choose what works for your baby, period. Whether you're talking about baby carriers, diapers, clothes, toys, shoes, swings, whatever. If the so-called experts say a sling is best and your child refuses to be carried in it, what good is it? Same thing with high chairs, swings, baby gates, you name it. You use what works.
And finally, moms gladly run to their position, even with all the criticism, endless hours, screaming, kicking, biting, runny noses, vomit, Pediatrician's visits, tantrums, you name it. The worst day is eliminated from memory with a little child's hug and kiss.
Most advise is given as per someone's experience and what may or may not have worked for them or their child.
As a Mom I know my childrens needs, because I have bonded with them and know their codes so to speak. Yeah kids are color coded and most parents know the codes if their bonded in any way. For the more intense needs every once in awhile a parent needs help. So I may check many sources before I try to use any of it.
For the developmental stages they too are subject to the uniqueness of each child and it is up to the parent to know what is normal and what goes beyond normal development so that othe interventions can be taken.
Blessings
It seems like people make their comments especially when it is your first child. They feel you don't know anything and have to make comments - boss you around.
I have only one and I never give people advice. I think that if someone wants my advice, they will ask for it. I don't give it freely. I think this is the best thing - keep your comments to yourself.
I love having the kids call me Mom, and the first time my stepdaughter introduced her dad and me as her parents, I couldn't talk for an hour, I was so choked up.
The advice other people give? God bless them, is my motto. Everybody's got their own karma, and those who offer without being asked? They'll get advice back seven times more obnoxious.
I am a new Mom and love every moment of it because I knowit truly is a privledge as others have already said! Great article.