Decipher Your Partner's Code Speak

Funny thing about sharing your life with someone. After a few years, conversations with your partner are full of non-verbal cues. There are the things you know you don't need to say any more - and the things you don't dare say ever again. Fact is, there's as much communication going on in your silences as there is in your sentences.

Chances are, many long-term relationships succeed in part because each partner has become very, very attuned to the other's non-verbal code. There's the code for "OK, I'll handle it" or "I don't want to talk about it now," or the all-important, "I need your help (but I don't know how to ask you)."

The list is endless and, of course, varies from couple to couple. The important thing is not how many codes you have between the two of you, but how well you're prepared to listen to the things left unsaid in words.

Does this sound like you and your partner? Or is it all a lot of baloney and you believe in being "totally honest," 24 hours a day? What about that? Does honesty boil down to the words you say or the actions you take? Do actions speak louder than words or do the real truths reveal themselves in the tiny little gestures we take for granted every day? Speak!

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Comments: 3 ( 3 removed by Code Orange Moderator )

Lori F. Dec 21, 2007, 9:32pm EST

My husband and I have a very honest relationship. He is my best friend and I wouldnt know what to do without him.

We agreed on several things before having kids.

1. Dont disagree with each others discipline techniques in front of the kids.

We make "dates". And keep them.

We realize in order for our family to function we have to keep it together as a couple first and a family right after that.

We also have a lot of non verbal communication. Just a look from him and I either come to his rescue in a social situation and a different look if he or I want to leave a social function.

And one of the most important thing we do is have interests and do things seperately as well as together.

Teresa W. Dec 22, 2007, 8:12am EST

You can pick up so much just from the body language and facial expressions of your partner. You don't always need the actual words though sometimes its great to have the words too! I don't think that saying it all and being "honest" 24 hours a day is a good idea though. Something like that can come across like you are a know-it-all or that you are not interested in what your partner may have to say because you're so busy saying it all. I myself tend to clam up when someone talks "at" me all the time and doesn't talk to me. And I think that often times people's words and their actions just do NOT match up. If someone says that they are going to do something and then they don't do it, well, where's the truth in that? Their actions certainly spoke louder than their agreeable words did. And if someone tells you with words that they love you but then their every other word and action puts you down and tells you what's wrong with you and what you need to change about yourself, WELL, obviously you are going to question their love since they don't ACT like they love you. I think actions really DO speak louder than words in an instance like that.

Rachel D. Dec 23, 2007, 12:43pm EST

Hmmm - this is a good question. My husband is VERY non-verbal, so I've learned to watch his body language cues. I think he speaks most often to me with his facial expressions. The long-lined mouth means he's hungry. When there's a curl, it means he's hungry but has NO IDEA what he wants. But his all-time best face is when he just figured out he made a major gaff. I see that face and just know he finally got it. :-)

Decipher Your Partner's Code Speak

Comments: 3 ( 3 removed by Code Orange Moderator )

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