Family Codes

Well, my family and I talk alot. I can just give a look and they no if their doing something wrong. When my children have company and Their friends may not no are household rules I really don't have to say a word but just call my child name and they no to stop or tell their friend to stop what their doing.

If I use the first and middle name they all know I am serious. Our rule is....we eat together every night...no exceptions. That is how we keep up with each other. We turn off the tv or any other distraction and talk and eat.

Rita, we have the same understanding. Telling my child to stop is a signal that I do not like what is going on. And yes, the children know they are in trouble if I have to resort to using their full names.

we love to talk. Saturday mornings is when I can get my 11 yo bullied and overwhelmed child to spill his guts while we lay on the bed listening to the radio. Special him and me time.

The older two children talk while we drive places and the minute I get in the shower.

I use body language, facial expressions and gestures in getting my message across. I also lean forward and nod my head to relay information such as "I'm interested in what you're saying" Most of us can remember after having done something wrong, the look on Mum's face said it all even though she didn't say a word. You've probably heard the saying, "If looks could kill", well, someone's facial expressions were certainly sending a powerful message.

I have two boys, 15 and 13, and a foreign exchange student, 16. My boys will actually open up when I am alone with them. My 15-year-old will sometimes be withdrawn from me, especially regarding school matters/friends. When I get him alone, say driving somewhere on an errand, he will usually spill about what's going on without a lot of prodding. The exchange student has some difficulty in recognizing when I am serious with him. I'm having some trouble monitoring his computer time for this reason. I tell him that time is up, and he tries to pass it off as I'm joking, when I am not. My husband doesn't have as much trouble, but I don't want to resort to that "wait until Mark gets home!" bad idea. ha.

My sister's family has three children close in age. They all have weekly chores to do. The children take turns choosing from the list of chores. It's become so natural that my sister almost knows who will be doing which chore. She sometimes has to hand out the chores so that each child can develop his skill at it. Although the family is well off, the children know the value of work. This work ethic has helped them get summer jobs.

Usually if I say my daughters full name--front---middle---and last (she's almost four) I get her attention!! We spend alot of family time talking about feelings/thoughts. In my husband and my childhood homes the family setting was not as open about feelings/thoughts. So my husband and I vowed that we would let our children voice their thought/feelings openly. So far it is working well. We also laugh alot and spend quality time with the kids!! They love it when it is evening and we all get down on the floor and have tickle time!! The kids giggle and giggle, but I think what they love best is just having our time.

good article

Back when my kids were at home, my daughter, and occasionally my son, and I would take short, or sometimes long drives to get the opportunity to talk. When something was troubling her, or her brother, they would ask "Mom, can we go to the store?"..Our code that they wanted to talk privately about something. (Their late father was an undiagnosed Bipolar, whom neither felt comfortable with talking about controversial issues, without running the risk of a manic outburst,).

I also used the "all three names" to get their attention..and yesterday I heard my daughter say to my 7 month old grandson"Trent Eric David Lawson!", as he was crawling toward the dog food bowl.

for us it's defently the tone of voice ! we know if we kidding around or in trouble!

There wasn't very much communication in my family when I was growing up. We weren't allowed to talk at the dinner table. And since my dad was in the Navy, he was gone a lot of the time. But when he was home, he ran his house the way he ran his ship. Very discliplined. There was no sleeping in on Saturdays. If something dirty was found in the kitchen cabinets, everything got washed by hand. The beds had to be made a certain way, or you found your mattress on the floor. It was the way he was, we learned to live with it and we lived through it.

My sister's kids have it SO easy compared to what we did. They don't realize how lucky they are, and often take my sister for granted. Talking back to her, being rude.

My husband and I have not yet been blessed with children, but I hope when we do, I can take the experiences I learned from my dad and how he raised us; and the experiences of my sister and how she raised her kids, and find a happy medium. =)

I babysit three children and the middle child, Rachel, is having a tuff time accepting
that she isn't the center of attraction but her new baby brother now is getting all the attention. So just recently she has hinted that it really hard not being noticed all the time and asked me if I liked her baby brother so much and if I can take him home with me. So I understood where she was coming from and I told her once her brother is taking a nap, I would play with her and now she is much happier. I have made special time for Rachel and she told me that she changed her mind about giving her brother up to me because she loves him when he's sleeping. :)

The only thing I can think of is that if I say "do this", I mean "DO IT NOW" and not "do it later". If I don't need the chore to be done now, I would have said "do this" later.