Love Blossom

I'm not likely to get in a huff over suggestions. I appreciate them and will give them consideration; or words similar. I have a meter count going in this poem, to beat out a rhythm as its read; 6/9 (6 counts on the 1st and 3rd lines; 9 counts on the 2nd and 4th lines). (My terminology may not be right.)

Thanks for reading and suggesting, Karen. I really appreciate.

Get hold of me privately about a reading, if you'd really like one.

Tanya, I loved how you compared love to the tender nurturing of a flower! You have painted such a beautiful picture in my mind's eye!! Thanks!

"We've got this gift of love, but love is like a precious plant. You can't just accept it and leave it in the cupboard or just think it's going to get on by itself. You've got to keep watering it. You've got to really look after it and nurture it."
~ John Lennon

I am no expert of poetry, so all I can say is that this poem is beautiful and touched my heart.

love can bloom anywhere ..this thought makes me so happy....It spreads peace...

Thanks Tanya..

LEGOLAND in California

Michelle, thank you for your kind words.....and thanks for adding that from Lennon.

Rosa, thank you. I'm glad to hear that it touched your heart. That makes it all worthwhile.

Thank you, too, Bhawana; gotta spread the peace!!

Thanks Tanya..only lovable people can write on love..

great poem

Hi Tanya, You've written a beautiful poem. The title is just perfect!
As far as constructive criticism is concerned, I don't know if you were aiming for a particular form of poetry, so I can't comment on that, but I do like the rhythm of the poem. You wrote in a comment above that you have a particular rhythm and rhyme scheme going and outlined it. Remember it's not just the number of beats but also the accentuation of the words you might want to take into account. Some people are more particular about this aspect of rhythm and rhyme schemes than others.

Thanks for reading my poem, Andrew.

Audrey, thank you for your critique. This is what I was hoping for (and that of Karen's, too).

This is beautiful!

It does capture an aspect of life.

I like it, I like it a lot

I think this is a poem that describes love in so many ways, and I wouldn't touch a line, it comes from your heart and that is how love feels to you, Each poet thinks a personal way, Very well done.

Your poem unfolds like the petals of a rose!

how beautiful, a lovely poem

Heather and Elsie, thank you so much for your kind words. I'm glad you liked it.

Thanks for writing that, Natalie. It is the effect I wanted.

Mary, thank you.

This is beautiful, I really enjoyed it. Thanks Tanya for sharing.

I liked your poem the way it is.
10!!!

Nanina, thanks for coming by to read it. You, too, Joy!

Keep up the good work this was sweet and lovely. 10

Well, shucks, ma'am... I doesn't know 'bout no "meeters" 'n such... But that wuz shore mighty purdy... ;o)

Glad you liked it Jean........and thanks for the chuckle.

Thank you for your kind words, Debra.

hey Tanya, I love it, I think it is beautiful:)

Thanks, Tomi! I'm glad you liked it.

It's a beautiful and evocative poem just as it is, Tanya.

Very nice poem Tanya!

Tanya, finding my way here late. A giraffe sent me. ;-]

You've carried this out well formally - lines of six "feet" and nine feet - and a certain feeling is produced by that. In one place you don't really stick with it --

Singing to love, through the
Spoken word, aids in its growing strong.

because the lines run together. I'd focus on finding a similar thought that can stay within the form. (Yes, you can put six feet/syllables on a line, but if it doesn't naturally pause then, the effect will not happen.) "Singing it words of love" could be the six line, but you need to enlarge the idea a bit for the second line. (I think this pair was the weak point of the poem in any case.)

With the last line, as Karen said, you need to ditch the "ever"; "always" gives you two syllables to replace it, in a different spot:

and the blossom will live ever long. >>>
and the blossom will always live long.

A final thought about form: it's a good place to start, and it stimulates creativity; but when it pinches, let it go. There are no fixed rules any more, no lord and ladies and curtsies and calling cards. It's wonderful when something works out into a perfect form, but that's very rare, so trim and alter where you need to, because the sense and the sound will always matter most. And your deviations from the form can become useful in creating special effects.

I enjoyed this, and will look for more of your work.

John, thank you. Your "because the lines run together. I'd focus on finding a similar thought that can stay within the form. (Yes, you can put six feet/syllables on a line, but if it doesn't naturally pause then, the effect will not happen.)" makes sense to me, where I've been a little confused about that. (Learning from a book has its drawbacks.) Some of the rest of what you and others suggested is not quite sinking in, but I haven't forgotten any of the advice and am mulling it over. This poem will be re-written at some point, based on advice given. I've really been appreciative of everyone giving me the benefit of their knowledge and experience, and am really pleased that the poems essence is appreciated. It's encouraging.

Other then my own rambling and muttered thoughts, one could call poetry, I am no professional in the area...

But I did like your poem!




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Tanya, hi -- yes, there are some things I know now that I had to bump into repeatedly. One of the big ones is that the language is continuing to do its thing no matter what form you put it into. You can work both with how naturally the words fit the form, or with how they fight. In this case you get a contained, slightly pent-up feeling in the six syllable lines which then is released in the longer line following. It's a bit like buds and blossoms.
In the one line the language had no reason to stop at the end of the six-line so the two lost their effect. You might want that to happen, if you had a much bigger, richer idea or image that needed all 6+9 syllables. But if that isn't the plan, then holding to the pattern has a better effect.

I very much like the metaphor of love growing from a seed. I wish you had carried the metaphor through to the fruit, the wintering over and the renewal of the cycle of love, as love develops over time and is not only the bloom of sexual attraction or infatuation.

I don't care for the rhyming structure as it seems somewhat forced and the rhythm is off. I prefer to see a poem that works through an image, say of a particular flower and how love is like that one ( a red rose, a passion flower, a daisy, a sunflower).

Of course, I have my prejudices so take all I have said with a grain of whatever.

Thanks, again, John. I will...at some point...edit this poem according to these suggestions, as I especially like the effect of this one. You are very encouraging and positive in the way you critique and share your own experience. I'm somewhat aware of your background and so am that much more impressed with the time and effort you've taken with me.

Charlotte, thank you for your comments. I'll consider taking it further when I finally edit it. I often like the rhyming myself, although I don't always seek it out when I'm reading poetry. It depends on my mood, I think.

I was looking through your older writing and came across this. It's lovely.

What a beautiful poem! We do need to nourish love with tender care and watering. My only suggestion: add "ly" to slow, as it should be an adverb here.

Thanks, Alison (and again to John). I've made the changes.