To Be a Man

Kevin, this is wonderful! I wish more men understood that we all have "the Delicate in ourselves." It's okay to feel and ask for love. It's okay to let the tide of hormones slowly ebb away as they embrace a more cerebral way of life.

Excellent, excellent article!

Angela, thanks.

Jessie, I swear I am not a sissy boy. I just think we all have both in us, masculine and feminine, and women seem to have an easier time of it. I knew I wouldn't get any male responses from this article!

I think the same way with you Kevin : Yin (the receptive, feminine, dark, passive force) and yang (the creative, masculine, bright, active force) . I also belive that all forces in nature can be seen as having yin and yang states, and the two are in movement rather than held in absolute stasis.

I also loved the examples of Apollo and Homer.
In your place I would have used that nature is the morror of heaven and art the reflection of nature.

Thank you for this beautiful article and let's see how many men are goping to read it.
love and light
10

Well said. To me, Jesus is a good example of the strength, softness, compassion and peace-seeking nature of a man who is secure in his masculine and feminine nature, for we all have both the yin and the yang.

You're the second man I know who understands this. Very rare, very beautiful. Don't let anyone or anything ruin your "view" because at this moment you are seeing with different eyes, above and beyond the mundane.

Wonderfully expressed and so very true! I especially appreciated your closing line. Thank you for sharing this beautiful piece. From my own views, the Divine Masculine is a triple aspect just as the Divine Feminine, and meant to set an example of how to progress. Youth, Man and Elder...each has it's marks of progress, its challenges, downfalls and triumphs.

Wishing you laughter
..
U

I read and I agree fully ! My story is of the being (feeling at least) 'trapped' in the male role of a John Wayne type for most of my life. That eventually depressed me because I longed to allow my inner hidden 'soft' side to shine through but felt that it was too 'unmanly' to do so. Ego pride is very powerful in men.

Eventually I had a spiritual awakening that proved to me that we were that 'balance' of the Yin/Yang, Female/Male, Negative/Positive, bad and good ...

And most importantly ... it was not a simple dichotomy of polarized duality, but a Trinity of (+=-) where the (=) was the Soul or Spiritual Self (higher Self) that transcends the lower self of ego.

Spirit Calls ... is my story about that ... free download of the book about it all available there.

Peace is the answer, j.

Well Kevin, I shall be the first man to comment.

While I think I understand what you are saying, implied in your piece is a stereotype of men or at the very least a premise that all men are the same as youths. Some youths are contemplative. So I cannot agree with the implied premise.

We are all different as men, as indeed there are many different types of women.

And what is your definition of a 'sissy boy' in your comment? Is it someone who is in touch with his feminine side?

This is very nice, and delicate. ;o)

Excellent article, Kevin! Stereotyping masculine and feminine qualities only serves to obviate the inner essence in individuals. Thanks to Marinela for guiding me to this article.

Haven't had any problems with those things myself, but I was always a little odd

mythoogy in all it's forms aside, I have known this for many many years..

I've never bought into the traditional 'macho' package... though my ability to turn on a dime and defend myself has cost some who did.

Actually in my case it was the reverse, I appreciated beauty and nature more as a youth, less time for it as I grow older because the path narrows.

Still we are what we choose to be, regardless and even MORE SO if you made no choices but only took those thrust against you.

All in all a very good piece taken from a conventional viewpoint, not germane to us nonconformists though.

I'm glad I'm not a man :-P

Intresting

Don't we all have dual natures, perhaps in varying proportions? Moya

I appreciate the concept of understanding the delicate within ourselves. While this may seem to be a struggle for men more than women, it is true for both genders. Your statement regarding maniless I find applies to maturity. We are all called to move beyond the impulsiveness of our youth and look at life differently whether male or female.

Nicely written. I believe that society's forced role of the man (as well as the woman) has changed a great deal through past generations, though, and continues to change, making it more comfortable for the individual male to express a greater expansion of his true nature. From a personal observation, I know I raised my son to do this and witnessed through his and my daughter's friends (as well as through my foster daughter's and son's).

Richard, what you wrote in your comments......

"As men, we must have strength, we must be proud of having character, proud of being problem solvers, proud of being a person that a woman can lean on."

..... and ......

"But only with the basic foundation of a man:
- strength
- wisdom
- character, character, character
- and honesty:"

......can easily be reversed and said for the female. Doesn't this really just bring us back to a reality that we are each (male and female) unique individuals who, given the right societal acceptances, can just "be" without stereotyping?

Excellent writing Kevin.

One who abides with God will have Masculine and Feminine aspects in balance, neither is more important than the other. Being a man requires doing what in your heart you know is right, and damned with the opinion of others. You see others harmed by an injustice, you need to do something to make it right. You see the rape of nature and slaughter of innocents, you've got to at least speak up. Doesn't matter if you are man or woman, only an aspect of God. Education, reading, and artistic refinement are merely useful tools, though they improve the quality of life.
Excellent article, I might add.

in other words, , you have Your tastes, , if you feel appreciation for something as you would a piece of art, than thats your own personal citation to grant wherever you feel you should.
in agreeance with most of these metaphors and quotes...

Kevin, thank you. I loved reading your article, but even more I felt the beauty of your poetry. Here in Florida there is a tiny yellow flower that grows beneath the grass and is easily missed. Whenever I walk in the grass , I look for this delicate flower. And when I find it, I hunker down close to admire it. In reading your article I realized this little flower is the mirror of my delicateness. And in my later years I see how important it is to see myself and others as a soul.

Well said.

Wonderfully said! 10

I was never like the man you depicted.

I was peaceful and never irrational when young and understanding when old.

Agreeable? Never. But understanding yes. And just because one understands another, does not mean that they are in agreement at all.

That is amazing -- you are a true prophet! Definitely we need the yin and yang to make us complete. Jefferson, for example, was considered a rather effeminate man. But look at all the great documents and things (inventions too) that he created! Camille Paglia has written spirited defenses of strong and creative men -- we certainly need to appreciate all the different dimensions of our humanity. Thanks for putting them all together in one concise statement!

This reminds me of one thing Robert Bly said, and while it's a bit categorical it at least makes one think: They send boys to war because a man won't do it.

Nicely done Kevin. As a man who has always worked closely with women . I have come to know the intense joy of being sensitive and caring towards others without the silly fear of being considered unmanly. To humbly serve and care for others allows me to open up emotionally.

First of all, thank you Marinela, my pan-hellenic sister, for pointing so many people to this article. Sneaky, she.

Carla - Regardless of life experience or books I read, I am continually amazed by Jesus the Teacher.

Tracey - Thanks for the wise words!

Quinn - I've not heard the masculine described the way you have, and was only aware of the feminine being described as Virgin, Mother and Crone. Thanks for the insight.

Jerry K. - Yeah, I used to watch westerns with my dad - at his behest. I think I can relate to your spiritual awakening. Mine began in April of 2000, and I haven't been the same since. I like your ideas on the subject.

Damian - Your critical eye is appreciated. I spoke personally as if this were the same for all men. I was not trying to be logical, however, more feeling. As for 'sissy boy', it was a joke. Perhaps a bad one. I have been trying to come to terms with the fact I definitely have a feminine principle, and am still grappling with the new language required to describe the experience adequately.

Faith - thank you.

Dolphi - I have recently read that progress, moving forward, involves the reconciliation of opposites. Your comment reminds me already of this.

Ron - I don't look at it as a problem so much as an experience.

Lloyd (Dr. Curmudgeon) - Yeah I am somewhat of a Traditionalist, I just didn't know what Traditionalism involved before. Thanks for the compliment on the aritcle.

Richard - Very wise words indeed. My three are Strength, Wisdom and Beauty, but I like your additions of Character and Honesty.

Judi - Yep, I see your point.

Amelie - thanks.

judith - sometime it ain't all it's cracked up to be!

Juan - Yes the experience is interesting. Putting it into words is like the proverbial trying to fit ten gallons of sand into a five gallon bucket.

HGM - Yes I think we do.

Sara V. - Yeah, I see what you're saying. I was speaking out of my own experience, and consequently concentrated on the masculine.

Tanya - Glad this article sparked such interest in you. This reminds me of Libido. Jung looked at it as Henri Bergson's Life Force, while Freud said it was all sexual in nature. Perhaps the energy we are grappling with here is neutral, we just tend to see it in black and white, male, female, and so on.

Gerald - I like your ideas on the subject. A lot. Thanks for the compliment in the end.

Dalgorion - I am convinced more and more that language is almost 100% metaphor, as we cannot truly adequately describe Reality by words alone.

Michael - thank you. I am glad this sparked such a wonderful memory for you. And if I made you realize something about yourself, well I am truly humbled and honored at the same time!

tomi - thanks.

Paul - thanks for the 10!

wendy - I'm in between the boomers and the x-ers, and feel I have my own perspective on things.

Richard B. - If there's one weakness I've realized this article has, it's that I wrote generally about something personal. You are right. Many folks have a very calm childhood, regardless of gender. Let's just say I was rather spirited in my youth!

Visionaerie B. - Jefferson towers over me. He was the renaissance man of the founding fathers! Glad you enjoyed the article.

Ron Hall - Your words are True, new friend!

Nanina - thank you. I really enjoy your articles as well.

Beautifully written, and long overdue.

This was so well written Kudo's to you !!!!!

Kevin, this was so well done. I just don't understand men who can't be comfortable showing a softer side. Or women who can't stand up and take the lead on occasion. There's a time and place for everything. I appreciate Marinela telling me about this article. Enjoyed it muchly!

- For one point I agree with Ron H.
- As for the different attitude (between our youth and our overmature age) towards the world I read it in my life through my act of painting.
- Certainly the article applies to man as human - it applies to both man and woman.
- I am not sure about the Victorian adoption of platonic thought. I will continue keeping it as an open question the question of whether the visible reality is a reflection of a heavenly idea or the ideas are born out of a material brain ...

Great article, Kevin.

Kevin,

I think with life experience and education come the wisdom to understand the world of possibilities and opportunities. Often times age is requisite in order to achieve enough of both, such to have a broader view of things. Cultures who successfully impart this wisdom to younger generations, achieve success in art, society and the softer side of man. Those cultures who struggle up Maslow's pyramid, may never know the softer side of themselves.

We see this in our own country (US) and in the politics of those driven by narrow views based upon limited life experience and education. Wearing blinders will only serve to keep you in the dark; and so it goes.

Thank you for posting this... Have a great day!

Paul

Thanks Marinela for directing me to a wonderful read.
As a man growing up and having it insilled with in to be a conqueor has ripped the very fabric of our society to pieces. Men let the tears fall, pick a flower up and wonder at its beauty. As men we have both male and feminie side and it is the tender side I lean towards cause it shows sensitivity and much wisdom. Thank you for this well writ article I truly enjoyed this one deeply......Well Done!

Do away with male killer ego and you do away with the available pool of marine corp recruits ... of course that would really be no problem, because we would have no more need for them because we would have no more wars.

I once heard a great man say,

"A man should be the balance of three things.
John Wayne,
Steve Martin
and Mahatma Gandhi"

I believe you have captured that beautifully.

Stephen

This is a good read. Nice writing, thanks!

Thanks Kevin for sharing with us, this wonderful article. I tend to agree
with what Gerald had to say on this matter. Peace be with you :)

Hi Kevin
Having lived a life where I had to be strong and also to show no fear in whatever situations that were thrown at me, I'll consider myself to be a man's man.

It's on this same manliness that I base my romantic, spiritual and whimsical writing. I see no conflict in being manly. writing poetry, changing diapers and singing a song.

Hi Marinela. I came and saw. Thanks for the invitation.

This was a great article, and I'm glad I was invited to read it. That said, I think were the world perfect, we'd all be dressing in grass skirts and sniffing the daisies. Unfortunately, for me at least, the world is neither loving nor fair, and the other side of being a man requires that every morning I suit up for whatever battles the day may bring. It's hard being a man, or at least a responsible one. When you have to learn everything the hard way, because there was no one to show the right way, as I have, you gain a few scars along the way. The ability to allow emotions to be expressed fully is stunted. I thank God I found release in writing, because it allowed me to find depth I didn't know existed. Yet even though I wear armor on the outside, I suppose I must agree with your last statement. It's only because I must protect the delicate within.

and for Lewis and others possibly not aware, withIN is the Soul, our God aspect of Spirit. It is that which is loving and gentle ... it is that which actually supplies our true armor in that it sees to it that we have nothing to fear unless it serves some greater lesson purpose ... even then, nothing to fear because all is but a learning experience for our greater good.

Rosa - Thank you.
Kathline - Thanks for the compliment, new friend.
Mark - Glad you liked it.
Jerry - I am still progressing, but am learning to view things just as you said.
Alkistis - You caught me. I am a thoroughgoing Platonist at Heart.
Kathryn - Thanks.
Paul - Yes, yes and Yes!
Robi and Dewayne - Glad you liked it.
Jerry K - Yes in a perfect world.
Stephen - Thank you so much, new friend.
Samantha - Thank you.
Barbara - I lied Gerald's thoughts on the subject as well.
Fred - You were able to realize there is a balance on your own. I had to have some pretty unpleasant experiences. I had to learn the hardway!
Lewis - Very poignant. There is much literature on the Divine Feminine in all of us. With the name Divine attached, this implies we must at least acknowledge this Feminine in ourselves, if not eventually revere it. My experience has been this Feminine is indeed Divine and as such, will not go forever without being accorded respect. Again from just my experience, if you do continue to ignore this principle, it will eventually make the most glaringly unpleasant entrance into your life. All of a sudden and without warning. How can we begin to acknowledge the Divine Feminine? Perhaps measured in moments, we can begin to move beyond thinking, move beyond reflection, and arrive at that mode of communication the Feminine prefers. We can begin to occasionally feel. It doesn't take hours of meditation. It can just be the occasional calm moment where we allow emotion to surface. I wish you such occasional quiet times, friend.

Kevin - very well written - perhaps you can start the "male movement" to be allowed to be in touch with all aspects of your nature - instead of what men are "sposed" to.....
To be able to perhaps forget "male" & "female" and just be.......what a novel idea. kudos~ jean

WALK LIKE A MAN/TALK LIKE A MAN

I think the guys remarks from Fred down(since they are the ones I read :) ) have it right, and that is enough from me, since I am yet a lowly(HA!) female.

I hate it when I forget that gather deletes little wise cracking-inside the triangular or arrow shape-thingys.....sigh.

It was 'spose to say, "singing in a not-so-high voice, at the top of her lungs..."
go figure.

Historically, boys are sent to war because they are both the most capable and expendable member of society. A loss of 90% of the male population will still leave the potential of regenerating the society within a couple of generations. All the women must be retained. It only takes one bull to keep a barnful of cows producing milk . . .

:-D

... and IF the 'boys' really knew the thinking behind 'that' system ... they would just stay home and rebel against it ... the old leaders in positions of power will NOT allow 'that'.

I am in total sympathy with your views. I have never subscribed to the conventional wisdom that men have to be 'men'...and that emotions and expressed feelings and grace are the prerogatives of the female sex. Well done.

I've known brash men and I've known contemplative men. Two of our sons are contemplates, while our daughter? She also has an introverted side, processing information, privately, but is very bold and has had a tendency to be impulsive which she is moving away from, now that she is out of her teen years. With her, it's maturity.

Different styles for different tastes. I always say that people follow Jesus in different ways: some in sandals, some in sneakers, some in dress shoes. Preferences aside, I have seen the transformation you describe in myself, but I'm not a man. Maybe I'm just exhausted. :)

LL (Linda) - My path has been extreme extravert to extreme intravert, where now I am a combination of both. I think we all need to attempt to grasp things as they are, yet reflect and feel about them as well.

daniela - Thank you for your kind comments.

Firoze - Hemingway couldn't have said it better.

Jerry K - Interesting.

judith - how grippingly real and hard truth this is.

Roxy - Even Johnny Cash had a soft side.

Jean - There are so many movements I'd like to start, I don't know where to begin!

your writing is beautiful, but i think it's more poetry than truth. every person's path is as individual as the person. I've experienced sensitive young men who've made me cry in their description of a flower and militant grandmothers who could beat the crap out of rocky and all those in between.
and this is humankind in all it's glory and darkness

tish - It's true for me, albeit not necessarily for others. I think women have both female and male in them, just as men do. I just think men have a more difficult go of it in grasping their feminine side. This just being my experience and observation.

Well done!

But have you thought how to bring it all into this newer moment, where there might not be distinctions. I just reread your article. What is it, which is delicate in the Self, that needs to be protected? I am reminded of light. Light can illuminate a form that threatens or a form that is protective. Are we the forms which light illuminates... or are we the light?

Elinor - God bless your son!

Bent L - Thanks for the compliment. I think what men need to protect is the urge to feel and intuit, even when experience would rob us of the wisdom of either one. I have seen the delicate in some men as when the sixty seven year old man expresses childlike wonder for some facet of existence. And I have seen the child, the delicate, robbed from another sixty seven year old man who is staring down later years with cynicism and little joy. Most, I think in men the delicate is the ability to love. To express love. To show love.

Well said. I'm big and strong, but trying to act macho is stupid. I just need to be me to take care of my family with kindness and to to be a good neighbor. However, I still watch the History channel.

Now we don't need the book, "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" because you have taken the intiative to embrace your feminine side rather than run from it. What a guy ! (and I mean that in the most positive way, you outdid yourself here in laying the foundation for future men to follwo and then we won't have to teach so much . . . lol ! Great piece Kevin !

sharing the light and happy May,
Miss Erica Hidvegi, the Enlightenment_Advisor, B.A. Psych/M.A.
Transpersonal Studies- Cnslng/Author, Artist, Photographer,
Entrepreneur & Freelance extraordinaire

Rock on Erica, and THanks!

Hello :o),

I just wanted to say I am finally going through what is now under 6,300 pieces of gather new mail that is in my inbox on here. So with that in mind I have finally come to a piece of mail that was addressed to me in regards this article submission you have created to share with the gather community. Thank you for taking the time and sharing your piece with us here at gather. :o)

And I hope you have a Happy New Year... in 2009 :o)