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by Laura Cushing
Member since:
August 4, 2006

I Hate Nature!

February 25, 2007 11:31 PM EST (Updated: February 26, 2007 12:47 PM EST)
views: 170 | comments: 102

fileId:3096224744039441;size:full; Burn down the trees! Set traps for all the woodland creatures! I hate nature!

At least, I did at seven am this morning when an overenthusiastic squirrel woke me from my sound and comfortable sleep by doing a four-footed furry dance on my air conditioner. We thumped on the AC from inside to make him go away. He did. For about ten minutes. Then he was back. Tap-tap-tap-chitter.

 We turned on the AC, despite the winter chill. The squirrel went away. For about half an hour... then tap-tap-tap, roll. Oh look.. this time he brought an acorn so he'd have a little snack while waking me up.  I considered the merits of buying mousetraps. Raid. B-B Guns. Hand Grenades.

 Now, living in the middle of the Pine Barrens National Reserve as we do, I've seen a lot of squirrels. Usually, they're up in the trees. Occasionally they're running across the patio, or doing death-defying leaps off our roof. That, I can handle. Especially when it takes place at a respectable hour! I am not a morning person to begin with, and that squirrel is not helping matters any at all.

Almost every day he tap dances across the AC. Why? We have no idea. It's not on, so it can't be for moisture or cooling down (and it's cold enough out there!). Maybe he uses it as a perch to survey where the best nuts are located. Which would be fine.. if he didn't dance around while he was up there. For some reason, the sound really amplifies. It sounds like a squirrelly marching band. Maybe he's a terrorist. I think I need to call homeland security and report a sadistic terror squirrel.

 After I get up for the day, and I'm more fully awake, I stop hating on nature. I realize how much I love living in this beautiful place, and how sweet all the little creatures are. But I really wish I could encourage one critter in particular to get a new hobby- or at least to sleep in!

 (picture of furry terrorist from - http://sugarbushsquirrel.com/ )

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Comments: 102

Jennifer N. Feb 25, 2007, 11:40pm EST
I couldn't help but to giggle at this. I feel your pain. I'd be pretty mad at him, too. But from my end I also have to say awwww (keeping in mind this isn't my sleep he's interrupting.)

I'm not a morning person, either. Here's hoping he gets his act down and finds the need to dance no more.
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Sherry W. Feb 25, 2007, 11:47pm EST
LOL! Maybe he's asking for lessons?
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Sherry W. Feb 25, 2007, 11:48pm EST
Maybe if you leave him little ballet shoes, he'll do ballet instead of tap. Unless he performs a lot of jumps, it should be much quieter. ;)
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flit . Feb 25, 2007, 11:49pm EST
LOL you need one of the sonic whatchyamacallits that we have... I have no idea what it is, but it seems to keep the critters from our walls
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Kathy and her Buckethead H. Feb 25, 2007, 11:50pm EST
Thanks for sharing- that was too funny. I used to have a yappy dog that lived next to me. I wanted to shoot it with a water gun, but I never did.
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Sherry W. Feb 25, 2007, 11:51pm EST
Oh geez, Kathy, the yappy dogs! Super-soaker bait, I like to call them. :) :)
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Laura Cushing Feb 26, 2007, 12:01am EST
Sonic things? Do those work? I really need something! I've been so tired this week.
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Carol Lloyd Feb 26, 2007, 12:05am EST
I HAD TO LAUGH AS I LIVE IN A MOBILE HOME AND NOT ONLY DO THE FURRY ONES SCAMPER ACROSS MY ROOF BUT THE ARCORNS HIT TOO.
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Eyvonne H. Feb 26, 2007, 12:06am EST
I feel for you. I have one of those yappity yappers the is about 6 feet from my bedroom window. 6:30am I'm ready to kill everyone when I first get woke up.
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Miz Lynn aka/BooBoo Feb 26, 2007, 12:14am EST
I have some pesky squirrels too, always in my cardinal feeder....grrrrrrr, but hey they gotta eat too.
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Sherry W. Feb 26, 2007, 12:17am EST
Perhaps you could leave a pile of nuts on your neighbor's a/c unit... :) :)
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Sherry W. Feb 26, 2007, 12:25am EST
Though I still vote for the ballet slippers. If you get slippers rather than pointe shoes, they should be pretty quiet.
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Sherry W. Feb 26, 2007, 1:01am EST
Oh, and I love your little image. LOL.
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☆ ƒåitĥ ☆ Feb 26, 2007, 1:01am EST
Ha - this is really funny. Reminds me of my childhood house, or should I say childhood shack? Regardless of what it was... it has small furry animals scurrying around in the walls all night long.
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Haley B. Feb 26, 2007, 1:08am EST
If the vents of the AC unit are only on the sides, you could put something soft on top. We had a carpet remenant covering the top of our window unit which cuts out almost all of the sound. We put chicken wire across the top of our large model. The coons and opossums dislike the feel of the stuff and it still allows the air to pass through the vents. Electronic sound emitters work well, but they chase away all of the wildlife. I would suggest a squirrel feeder and protective ground cover to draw its attention elsewhere, but you live in a reserve and would attract every animal in the vicinity looking for a free handout. Good Luck.
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Krissy spreading my wings hoping to soar W. Feb 26, 2007, 3:02am EST
Be careful with the carpet on the AC outside. It's the perfect setting for the growth of mold. The mold spores will grow in the coils and thereby pollute your air when you run it. This can be prevented by soaking the carpet in strong bleach every couple of weeks and hung to dry in the sun before replacing on the AC unit
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Krissy spreading my wings hoping to soar W. Feb 26, 2007, 3:02am EST
How do I know so much about mold?
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Krissy spreading my wings hoping to soar W. Feb 26, 2007, 3:03am EST
As an insurance agent I once had to take a class on Mold, as those claims are often more expensive than a full total destruction fire.
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Krissy spreading my wings hoping to soar W. Feb 26, 2007, 3:05am EST
Can you believe that insurance companies spend hundreds of thousands of dollars a year to clean up mold in houses that have filed claims? They pay haz mat teams to remove the mold.
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Krissy spreading my wings hoping to soar W. Feb 26, 2007, 3:05am EST
This is done with common household bleach..................
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Krissy spreading my wings hoping to soar W. Feb 26, 2007, 3:06am EST
Further on insurance, most homeowners do not realize it but to have mold coverage on your policy always doubles and often triples the cost of your premium........
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Krissy spreading my wings hoping to soar W. Feb 26, 2007, 3:07am EST
Be back tomorrow to point you further! Enjoy your title!
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Nanci B Feb 26, 2007, 3:25am EST
I'd rather have the squirrels than the mold.

The squirrels have erected a no-cross zone around the perimeter of our bedroom out of self defence. You see if they aren't at least 20 feet away from the house (or at the base of one of the trees) they are dead meat when I let the dogs out. It is kind of find to watch them all fly across the yard.
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Mary C Legg Feb 26, 2007, 3:52am EST
don't live here-- my neighbors have beautiful chickens and there's sheep up the street -- if you hate such creatures, why not move into the cement jungle where you can waken to the wonderful song of jackhammers and traffic jams?

crazy what you foks complain about. am very happy to be woken by blackbirds at 3am or the woodpecker on the wall by my bed. and the newborn sheep are really great to hear in the night.
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Linda M. Feb 26, 2007, 4:05am EST
Cute critters, but yes, animals can be pests. I'd do something about covering that a/c especially if it is not being used right now.
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Ekta J. Feb 26, 2007, 4:25am EST
nicely drafted LORA.........i liked it.
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Bonnie S. Feb 26, 2007, 5:24am EST
That was funny, I get squirrels everyday tapping across the roof, jumping on the ac and then to the trees and back to the porch for the pile of nuts I left outside. Thought you would like that. Try using earplugs to sleep. LOL Sorry that was just funny. I liked your picture also : )
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Angela <:3---}~~~~ M. Feb 26, 2007, 7:50am EST
This is just too funny. Did you forget to leave him breakfast out LOL I would not put wire on top of the air conditioner because that can cause them to break their back legs if they get them stuck.

try having a 10 lb cat drop from the trees and run across your tin roof sounds like a herd of elephants the cats around here like to get up as high as possible so over see there territory and it happens to be my house since the trees are so close :( and this usually starts at around midnite!!
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Debra H. Feb 26, 2007, 8:53am EST
Im sitting here snickering under my breath w/ Hubby giving me the one raised eyebrow look from his chair - it's that I'm curious but don't tell me look - it's too early to get engaged this morning.

Perhaps you could make him a perch away from the AC and put some peanuts or something to attract him away from it and maybe he will discover he likes that spot better.
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vijay kumar Feb 26, 2007, 9:40am EST
Wonderful article, Laura. Loved reading it.
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flit . Feb 26, 2007, 10:03am EST
the sonic pest thing does seem to work for us.... might be worth a try
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Michael C. Feb 26, 2007, 10:10am EST
Nice article Laura... Had to chuckle over it though...
I like nature better too when it knows my rules... *grins*
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Judith S. Feb 26, 2007, 10:22am EST
Try setting a box of moth balls on the ac unit. The odor will keep some squirrels away. Others are just too hard headed, I bet they are all males...lol.
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Leslie M. Feb 26, 2007, 10:34am EST
Cute story! Thanks for sharing
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arlene (no shame in my game) w. Feb 26, 2007, 10:45am EST
Maybe if you place some kind of cushion on top of the ac to muffle the noise.
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Sherry W. Feb 26, 2007, 10:57am EST
Oh gosh, I'd forgotten about the potential for mold. Yuck!
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Fawn M. Feb 26, 2007, 11:00am EST
Neat story. But might want to cover the outside of the aircnditioner so it doesn't draft up your house.
Personally, I would rather have a tapdancing squirrel and other nice kinds of nature noises than mean nature noises like a yowling or barking dog. Also you're lucky living out in the country. No jackhammers, no streets being repaved and no noises from the house next door when your windows are open. Nature beats the heck out of ringing cell phones and other people's conversations when thy talk on those cell phones and guys who think the world needs to hear the music they have playing at full blast either from their cars or their home CD players.
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Deanna P. Feb 26, 2007, 11:05am EST
we have a lot of squirrels in are yard. We have this old pear tree in are yard. I didnt know until the other day there was a hole in it. MY husband and i were setting in the truck and he said watch! He'll go in to the tree and he did. What is he going to do when my husband cuts it down.
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Nana to Seven Cutiepies Feb 26, 2007, 12:10pm EST
I feed the squirrels nuts and they bang on the window screens early in the morning. They actually climb up the walls to wake me up.
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The Funny Guy D. Feb 26, 2007, 12:21pm EST
Didn't you hear?... They opened up a drive-Thru Theater in your neck of the woods. The squirrel was watching the movie "Happy Feet" and tried some of the dancing steps from the movie but his feet didn't make any noise - so he needed a platform to dance on. Guess what that platform was? You guessed it, your AC.
Once he got his dance steps perfected, he needed some friends to join in.

So instead of getting angry at them, go grab a lawn chair and watch the show.

keep laughing
The Funny Guy
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doria c. Feb 26, 2007, 12:34pm EST
keep in mind Laura we cannot control other people/animals actions,only how we react to it.Our perseption of things can make a big difference ,instead of a rumble perhaps it was a rumba.........Think of the dance as entertainment,a gift,awake up call,well scratch the last idea,something pleasant anyway.Also if you spray vinegar on the airconditioner it will deter the creatures.Goodluck!I enjoyed your writting.
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Shawnee G. Feb 26, 2007, 12:41pm EST
While it is still too cold to use, why not remove it for a while and maybe by the time it is warm enough to use it, your annoying friend will find a new hang out?
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Charles Temm JR Feb 26, 2007, 1:16pm EST
I gave up fighting them...they breed faster than I could shoot them. My dogs got some but even they've gotten tired of chasing them...I just hope they don't get in the house...
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Jennine D. Feb 26, 2007, 3:53pm EST
LOL, sounds like a pesky little critter, he knows he is annoying you. Doesn't care either.
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Linda R. Feb 26, 2007, 5:12pm EST
I'm glad that you only hate nature for a little while - much more to love about it than there is to hate.
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Linda R. Feb 26, 2007, 5:14pm EST
BTW I loved the pictures
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Sherry W. Feb 26, 2007, 5:58pm EST
Have you seen the offending squirrel? Is he a portly guy? Perhaps you could help him lose some weight. :)
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Kathy and her Buckethead H. Feb 26, 2007, 6:22pm EST
Dan- you did a great job videotaping your squirrel. I am amazed at how well he dances!
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roxanne m. Feb 26, 2007, 7:14pm EST
Laura, that is too funny!!! When I was married, we had one who lived in the tree in the empty lot next door. He would chatter at my cats and drive them nuts. We named him Elvis because he shook his little hips when he chattered!
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roxanne m. Feb 26, 2007, 7:17pm EST
Try the lovely woodpeckers in the morning, say 5 am. In NY, our fireplace chimney was aluminum, covered with aluminum siding. Of course, my bed was against the wall next to the fireplace flue. Dang woodpecker, every morning at 5 am, rat-a-tat-tat....accccccccccccccccccck!
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Jen C. Feb 26, 2007, 7:24pm EST
I think I have a squirrel or maybe chipmunk friend too. But mine decides to climb in my walls and make high pitched chirping noises by my head at 3 AM.
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Laura Cushing Feb 26, 2007, 8:24pm EST
I'd be totally freaked out if they got in the walls. I'm glad that my squirrel is outside, at least.

I think I'm going to try the vinager solution- wish me luck!
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Pat M. Feb 26, 2007, 9:51pm EST
Having never seen a squirrel except once on a trip to NY, and seeing as I'm up by six thirty every morning anyway, I'm gonna side with the squirrel.
They look too cute to be trouble...
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Sherry W. Feb 26, 2007, 10:54pm EST
Yikes, IN the walls? That would creep me out way too much!
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Vikki M. Feb 26, 2007, 10:57pm EST
The relatives of your little buddy tend to run across my roof over and over and over again way too early in the mornings. They seem to like doing it on Saturday and Sunday mornings when I actually have a chance to sleep in! I used to think squirrels were so cute. Now I think they're evil beings from a distant planet sent here to irritate me and keep me from my beauty sleep.
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Joe S. Feb 26, 2007, 11:22pm EST
Funny article. I was going to offer a suggestion on how to help with your squirrel problem but after looking at the picture you took of him again and the gun...well, I say let him dance anywhere he pleases!
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Sherry W. Feb 27, 2007, 12:04am EST
There's a really fat one who's lived in my mom's backyard for several years. He's so big that he looks like a cat.
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Laurun M. Feb 27, 2007, 12:56am EST
Funny story. You'll miss him when he's gone! We had loads of squirrels practically knocking on the sliding glass door because the kids would feed them the Thanksgiving nuts (they can afford it you know.) Then one day they were all gone. We later found out that someone in the neighborhood was a falconeer. He'd let the thing go and it ate all the squirrels. One day my cat was thankful that she was fat because the talons grabbed her but dropped her because of her weight. Now the falconeer has moved to another town and the squirrels have returned.
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Kathleen S. Feb 27, 2007, 1:43am EST
I had a squirrel that would hang on my back door waiting for me to make her a peanut butter sandwich. She always knew when I was in the kitchen..if she couldn't get my attention at the door she would get up on the window and watch and wait for me to notice her. She loved those sandwiches.
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Laura Cushing Feb 27, 2007, 2:11am EST
Laurun- Thank goodness the tabby was tubby! I hope she didn't get hurt.
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Sherry W. Feb 27, 2007, 3:42pm EST
Oh geez, Jason, a BATH TUB?
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Sherry W. Feb 27, 2007, 3:44pm EST
I don't think I'd ever make any of our squirrels sandwiches, Kathleen! You're too sweet!
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Sherry W. Feb 27, 2007, 3:45pm EST
Laurun, YIKES!
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Virginia M. Feb 27, 2007, 6:37pm EST
Funny...lol...but I DO understand! I have the same problem with birds pecking on my house. I scare them away but they come back, with friends!
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Sherry W. Feb 27, 2007, 6:43pm EST
Oh gracious, I hadn't even thought about them returning with friends, but that's so true!
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Elaine A. Feb 27, 2007, 6:49pm EST
Cute article, I feel bad for you,
10 points should make you feel better I hope ;-)
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roxanne m. Feb 27, 2007, 10:20pm EST
We had one get into the basement when I lived in Jersey. My dad had a wet bar downstairs and squirrel must have been thirsty...he ran across the glass shelves, did not disturb a glass or bottle, and scampered out the door to the garage.
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Sherry W. Feb 27, 2007, 11:55pm EST
Oh, the pecans are a good idea. Maybe some peanuts and a few almonds thrown in, too. Maybe a little sugar. Heck, just make the whole pie. :)
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Sherry W. Feb 28, 2007, 12:08am EST
Roxanne, yikes!
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Laura Cushing Feb 28, 2007, 12:33am EST
Those Jersey squirrels must be crazy! Hehe

My husband managed to go outside in time to see our furry terrorist today.

He's a fat and happy squirrel.
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Felicia R. Feb 28, 2007, 4:24am EST
Okay again I am confused...

I thought the rule of Point whore of the week ~ redux is we are only supposed to post it to that group... and even if it is a copy of the original story????
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Sherry W. Feb 28, 2007, 12:32pm EST
Felicia, it's much preferred to post just to the group, but I know that sometimes folks forget, etc., so I'm not pressing it with every single submission. I figure it's a new group so there's a learning curve involved. Thanks for asking.
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Sherry W. Feb 28, 2007, 2:29pm EST
One of your buddy's friends just ran across my fence! Actually, two of them.
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Linda R. Feb 28, 2007, 5:10pm EST
I just stopped by again to say "hi" and watch Dan's squirrel side show.
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Linda R. Feb 28, 2007, 5:11pm EST
When my son was a little boy he called them "squirries"
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Sherry W. Feb 28, 2007, 10:35pm EST
That's pretty good diction, Linda!
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Haley B. Mar 1, 2007, 1:02am EST
Did the vinegar solution send him on his way? That method only works on my indoor pets to keep them from marking the couch as their territory.
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Sherry W. Mar 1, 2007, 11:52am EST
Does the vingear smell, Haley? I need a way to keep my pet from doing this but fear the scent!
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Sherry W. Mar 1, 2007, 11:53am EST
Did you leave him a tiny pair of ballet slippers, Laura? :)
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Sherry W. Mar 1, 2007, 5:52pm EST
I can see him twirling in my mind...
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Sue P. Mar 1, 2007, 7:18pm EST
I can appreciate your suffering. A squirrel's early overture of the "Taps" is not exactly the way I like to wake up in the morning, either! But they do so seem to enjoy their own antics so much that you almost HAVE to forgive them saying to yourself: "Forgive them, for they know not what they do to me!" (Although, I really think they DO know -- and they LIKE doing it, too!).
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Felicia R. Mar 1, 2007, 7:47pm EST
Just wanted to stop by and say hi...
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Felicia R. Mar 1, 2007, 7:51pm EST
I just made 4 egg rolls, for dinner....
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Felicia R. Mar 1, 2007, 7:52pm EST
And I will be back in a while to respond to any and all comments that might be here for me...
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Felicia R. Mar 1, 2007, 7:52pm EST
Also wanted to let you know what your comment count is....
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Felicia R. Mar 1, 2007, 7:53pm EST
As of this comment your new comment total is: 97 :)
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☆ ƒåitĥ ☆ Mar 2, 2007, 3:17am EST
Stopping by again to say HI, and I'm so tired. I wish I could go to sleep.
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Lisa B. Mar 2, 2007, 12:23pm EST
I am so not a morning person either! This was a very well written article and I am sorry for your lack of sleep, but it did have me laughing!
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Sherry W. Mar 2, 2007, 7:11pm EST
100! Hope your day is going well.
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Sherry W. Mar 3, 2007, 12:20pm EST
Have a great weekend!
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Lisa M. Mar 3, 2007, 8:14pm EST
Funny - and I love all the squirl animations that were shared in the comments - too cute!
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Linda R. Mar 3, 2007, 8:21pm EST
Bye Bye Squirries
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Auntie Smedley Mar 3, 2007, 8:44pm EST
OOooooh, them sly, sinister skwerls... Better watch out, he might be hiding secret cache of walnuts or explosives or something. Is the offender a personality-plus grey squirrel, a sassy mouthed red squirrel, or an orange-bellied fox squirrel, might I ask?

(I ♥ squirrels in a big way. I've been helping to raise baby orphan squirrels in a wildlife rehab center for almost 4 years now. They are intelligent, captivating little critters up close).
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Sherry W. Mar 3, 2007, 9:57pm EST
I hope you've enjoyed your PW week, Laura. Thanks for participating in the group.
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Julie L. Mar 4, 2007, 1:12pm EST
Could be worse. I am the only person in my neighborhood that doesn't have dogs. And all of the neighbors dogs crap in my yard. Their cats climb all over my vehicles too. It's a really small neighborhood so why can't they crap somewhere else??????
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Julie L. Mar 4, 2007, 2:00pm EST
I am not normally a morning person either but I have been going to bed early and now I wake up at 6:30 every morning wide awake and I hate it. I beg and plead with my brain to go back to sleep but it won't do it.
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Karen R. Jun 18, 2008, 4:25am EDT
lol...great story
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