Lonely Road

I would argue that you are giving a "child" a better life by not actually having said "child." If you don't want it, there would only be resentment and unhappiness which is not fair to a child. At least you realize this and are strong enough to say, "No thanks."

Sarah, it's respectible that you know now. It's worse to have a child and then decide parenting was not for you. Some people are just not the parent type and that is fine. I completely respect you for standing firm on your choice.

i wish many more women who have your feelings will follow them, instead of having kids and whined up being abused

Sarah, congratulations on your strength. I made the same choice over 20 years ago when it was much harder to "come out". You are not alone, and you will find, over time, other couples like you. I've even been fortunate enough to find not only one, but two partners who feel like we do.

Friend of mine, (childless like me) said "parenthood is overrated."

Barb, I don't think it's fair for a childless person to judge parenthood. It is most certainly not overrated - nor is it something that one should be talked in to.

Parenthood is not for everyone. With the earth overpopulated as it is, it makes me absolutely bonkers when I even hear tell of a person trying to talk another person in to procreating! Thank heavens there are people who know for a fact that they don't want to have childen! We should be thanking these people and not making them feel like there is something wrong with them. And, certainly, I am often envious of the freedom a childless life affords.

As for the friends, I'm actually in the opposite position. None of my friends have kids and it's hard for them to understand both the the limitations that it puts on me and the depth of the thrill I feel to be able to report that my kid gave up her pacifier or got potty trained or whatever. They think it's "cute" or "sweet," but it's a great deal more than that to me. It represents a fundamental change to my daily life and is a source of personal pride that I was able to shepherd my child through such a transition. Coming from the other side, do you have any advice about how to be a better friend to someone who lives without children?

Enjoy your life, Sarah. When you are true to yourself and to those around you, you're bound to have plenty of dedicated friends and family members to take care of you in your old age. :)

Well, thank you everyone. Karen, maybe you and I should switch places for a little while. As far as being a friend to the childless, I would say just don't force it on them. Don't keep asking when they are going to have children. Don't try and get them to love your little one the way you do. Just help them know that their choice is okay.

I find especially that in many Christian circles, people feel that it is a mandate from God to multiply yourself. It seems to me though that at the times God gives those commands in the bible, it is needed. After the flood, etc... I don't think people as a species are in danger today because not enough of us are procreating.

I couldn't agree with you more about taking that particular biblical mandate within it's historical context. When it was written to multiply oneself, there were only small pockets of humanity known to be inhabiting the earth. Today, we're struggling (and failing miserably) to simply provide for the basic needs of the humans that are already here.

In terms of friendship, I would certainly never pressure any one (much less a friend) to have kids, nor would I expect that anyone would love my child as much as I do. What I wish for is a greater understanding, to not feel like my friends are waiting for me to finish telling a story about my daughter so that we can get on to talking about "real" things. Certainly there must be a balance in there somewhere.

There should be a balance. I think it's hard for non mothers to identify with the way I guess parents in general feel about their children. I hope that I listen and respond well when people talk about their children. I feel a little left out when I get together with a group of people and they have a conversation about their children. I just don't have anything to contribute and usually just end up sitting theere while they talking about how hard a time they are having potty training or etc...