The Devil's Beatitudes

If the devil were to write his beatitudes, they would probably go something like this:

1. Blessed are those who are too tired, too busy, too distracted to spend an hour once a week with their fellow Christians -- they save me the effort of trying to keep them from God's blessings.

2. Blessed are those Christians who wait to be asked and expect to be thanked - its pretty easy to keep them from working for God.

3. Blessed are the touchy who stop going to church - they are my missionaries.

4. Blessed are the trouble makers - they shall be called my children.

5. Blessed are the complainers - I'm all ears for them.

6. Blessed are those who are bored with the minister's mannerisms and mistakes -- for they get nothing out of his sermons.

7. Blessed is the church member who expects to be invited to his own church -- for he is a part of the problem instead of the solution.

8. Blessed are those who gossip -- for they shall cause strife and division -- that pleases me.

9. Blessed are those who are easily offended -- for they will soon get angry and quit.

10. Blessed are those who do not give their offering to carry on God's work -- for they are my helpers.

11. Blessed is he who professes to love God but hates his brother and sister -- for they shall be with me forever.