Premarital Counseling for yourself and for...

We can't do ourselves justice by letting our tribute end in the wedding ceremony. You have to move from ceremony to sacrament. Sacrament takes up where ceremony leaves off. Ceremony is like putting a ring on her finger at the wedding, but sacrament is ringing her life with love and joy every day and every hour.

- Rev. Joseph Lowery (paraphrased from his dedication to Rosa Parks, 11-2-05)

Premarital counseling is a gift of confidence. After looking closely at all a couple’s concerns, using interactive exercises, testing, and interviews, a couple can walk down the aisle with certainty and trust rather than cold feet. It is a gift to the children who may come from the marriage, that their parents cared enough to ask the hard questions and take their best chance on building a happy home. For potential in-laws, counseling is a great gift to give to pre-weds. It helps the couple in realistic ways, and removes yourself - the family - from the uncomfortable role of offering unwelcome opinions or playing therapist.

Premarital counseling is informed by modern research and years of clinical practice. It describes the course of six-90 minute sessions for pre-weds that are used to discuss a full range of issues. Couples who engage in premarital counseling have 30% more successful marriages than those who do not.

I hope that by deepening their knowledge of themselves, their fiancé, and the nature of marriage, pre-weds will grow from "being madly in love” to “being of sound mind to marry." Having counseled couples at all stages of pre-marriage, marriage, and divorce, I have always been impressed by how much good can come from an effective and early intervention, and how much harm can come from missed opportunities. Premarital counseling is the first best opportunity to improve the quality of life of the individuals, the couple, and their children.

            Jim Bierman, Ph.D.

            Clinical Psychologist

            lic.-PSY 16424

            Evaluation & Psychotherapy

            42600 Bob Hope Drive, #407

            Rancho Mirage, CA 92270

            ph (760) 285-3892

            drjbierman@BeingofSoundMindtoMarry.com

Comments: 4

Randy W. Feb 13, 2007, 5:56pm EST

I'm not sure what this article has to do with issues for those over 50.

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Jim Bierman, Ph.D Feb 13, 2007, 7:12pm EST

My thought in writing this for those of us over fifty is this: such counseling is useful and appropriate for ourselves before marriage, and it is also important to have such resources available when your grown children announce their engagement. How many parents and in-laws would like to express an opinion to the nearly weds but bite their tongues for fear of hurting their own relationship? By keeping the issue of premarital counseling alive in our conversations, we are better able to advise and refer pre-weds to an expert who will speak frankly to them, ultimately for the benefit of the whole family.

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Tricia C. Feb 26, 2007, 12:41pm EST

I think this is a great idea... I see so many couples that threaten divorce every time they get mad and it really makes me mad. Do not threaten unless you are ready to follow suit.

Too many folks think they have to wait till there are problems in the marriage before seeing counselors when they could have started with one right off the bat. Solve the problem before it becomes to overwhelming.

Thanks for the article.

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Wendy F. Mar 14, 2007, 2:00am EDT

My husband is a minister and he will not preform a ceremony for any couple who first will not sit down and go through some premarital counseling with him .Couples need to go into marriage with their eyes wide open, and premarital counseling provides that avenue.

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Premarital Counseling for yourself and for family members

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