The price of friendship.

Well, First off, I wish to say thank's eveyone for the warm welcome here on Gather.  I noticed in some of the "request to add" that many of you listed yourself as a friend, and for that I am happy!  It does however leave me curious as to what any one person or group of individuals regard a friend to be?  I for one wrote in my profile that I am reserved, yet friendly once I get to know you.  What is the criteria for friendship?  What price if any does a friendship cost, and is it worth the cost if any?  Well, I can try to answer some of those questions here in my opinionated frame of mind. 

For example; 

I am generally speaking a friendly individual, yet as I mentioned, I am reserved at the onset for the most part and pick and choose my friends according to my observations and descretion.  The basic presumption of friendship within the Gather community seems to me to be an overall communal sharing of intrest, knowledge and networking beetween individuals.  The overall tone of the community is that of warmth and friendlyness.  Many of the individuals who contacted me are of course friends with someone I know very well, so, it should be assumed that I of course will too be thier friend.  It would be foolish of me to disregard these individuals and not add them, because that would defeat the whole point of the Gather community!  In that light, I am pleased to make aquaintances with each one of you and look forward to sharing, learning and exhibiting freindly good natured conversation and topic.  Within this community, I have many potential friends who I have just been aquainted with. 

So, what is the cost of friendship?

Well, I have some stories to relate, however, I first wish to address the cost of frienship within the community............Oh, wait! I just did so in the prior sentence.....heh. So, that is taken care of, now, I will dispense with the cost of friendship as it applies to myself and individuals who I know and consider friends.

Obviously, a friend is somone with whom you feel comfortable with and whom (I hope) you can place your trust in.  A friend is there when you need them and they generally share similar intrests and relate to each other based upon those intrests and the interactions resluting from them.  Where do you get a friend?  Work, the gym, on the city bus, at school, online?  A friend can pop up anywhere!  When two people, or a group of individuals find similar intrest, and continue to pursue those intrest together, then, you have a good basis for friendship.

My first remembered true friend was in grade school.  I still remember his first name, Jay.  We used to chase the girls arround the playground with worms, thinking it funny at the time until we were reprimanded by the playground monitor and sent to the office.  So, we shared common ground, teasing the girls and slimy things heh, and, we went to school together.  We were close enough friends that I even went to say overnight at his place.  We lived in the country and he lived on a herb/spice farm.  I recall entering the warehouse near his house which contained the herb/spices that had been harvested.  The smell was heavenly, mint, yarro, and so many other tantilizing spices almost knocked me over with the pungency. Perhaps this is why I remember him so well as my first friend?  He moved away shortly thereafter, and I was left with "the other kids" to play with.

My second true friend I met shortly after graduation from high school.  Our friendship mostly consisted of acquasition of alchohol, hunting, cars and partying.  It is strange to look back on this friendship, because, it is a memorable one, yet, we both just drifted away until we lost contact altogether.  I in that interem had married and fathered at least one child.  This of course, was most likely the result of our seperation of intrest and the close of our friendship, as he continued to pursue what I had given up.  I would like to say that my wife at the time was my third true friend, however, it is unfortunate that this is not the case.  I can conjecture that our marriage was more of infatuation on her part, and a need to settle down on mine.  We were convienent to each other at the time and it seemed......like the right thing to do.  Today, I remain guarded friendly tward her, as she has remarried and our children reside predominantly with her.

Another great friend, Jim, (may he rest in peace) I met at the factory I worked at (the same place I met my ex-wife).  I held a supervisory position and it was my job to train everyone who walked thru the door that was hired.  Jim was one of these individuals.  Jim's father died when he was in his early teens and it hit hard on him.  I trained him and he took to the work like a natural.  He looked up to me, and when I eventually ended my employment at the company due to my health, Jim took over my position.  He was in his early 20s, and just starting out in life.  At one point, jim boarded at my house for many month as he did not have a place to stay.  We used to talk shop, have BBQ's, go fishing, camping and such.  He finally moved out and went to Alaska to work the fishing boats for a season or two.  We kept in contact with each other however over these years.  When he moved back to the area, we again hung out and talked.  As things go, we both became involved in relationships, I had been divorced in the interveaning years and he had found a place of his own to live.  Jim's relationship did not last long and it ended up causing him emotional distress.  this compiled with other factors relating to his mother and her situation began to wear on him heavy.  He started drinking in excess and became solitude.  I would visit with him and cheer him up and I believe I may have been his only friend.  I mentioned earlier that I was in a new relationship, and one night at about 3am my "girlfriend" woke me and handed me my cell phone.  I was not fully concious, so she told me that it was jim who was calling.  It had not occured to me that she had answered the phone, so, I placed the phone on the side table and told her that I would call him back, and that he often called early in the morning and I did not wish to talk to him right now.  Two days later, his mother called me and informed me that he had taken his own life.  I was devastated!  In retrospect, if in fact my "girlfriend had answered the phone and he had heard what I said, it could have snapped his will and broken his spirit in his time of need.  I was not available when he needed me, and he had nowhere else to turn.  I often wonder if I had answered that call, if he might still be here today.  Rest in peace Brother.

By far, my longest standing and ongoing friendship is also with another individual I met while working for the same factory.  We share many thoughts, activities and adventures together.  We both have children and they play together.  I have been there for him often, I have watched his children at no cost to him for nearly two years, I have watched his home for him when he has been away and unable to return home.  I have testified for him in court, I have cried, laghed and joked with him.  I sleep on his couch, open his fridge and cook on his stove. I have a key to his front door and arrive and leave at will.  I have "lent"  money to him numerous times.  I have two brother's, yet this friend is closer to me than either one has ever been.  We consider each other as family and treat each other like siblings.  Now, for the purpose of clarifying the price of friendship, when I say I "lent" money to him, for me, it is a writeoff.  What I get in return if I do not get re-compensated with cash, you can not buy.  His welfare as well as his children's are just as important to me as family, so if I am out a few bucks, so be it.  I have chosen to embrace our friendship rather than pursue petty loans for which so many people fall victim, dissolving thier close ties.

While I have had numerous other individuals throughout my life that I consider friends, these are the most memorable ones.  They are the ones that impacted my life and shared thier time, thoughts, ideas and jokes.  I still see some of the others from time to time and we even get together once in awhile.  Essentially, the cost of frienship is what you put into it.  Not only you, but your friend as well.  A true friend forgives, forgets and then, you both sit down, eat ice cream and watch a movie together. End.