by Esaiah Udhayakumar
Member since:
October 11, 2006

Dear friends, my fellow Gatherers, shall we all unite together to form our own guidelines to prevent further losses like Liz?

January 22, 2007 01:53 AM EST
views: 290 | comments: 54
 

 

Laws are not created to curtail our freedom, but to enhance it.  If we follow our heart, laws are not necessary.  But when we ignore it, and try to be smart, we start hurting others.  The pity is that many of us do not know that we have hurt others.  I also have hurt others, and came to know about it later and then apologized for it and removed my comment.

 

To prevent further losses like Liz, with my limited knowledge and experience, I have formulated some guidelines to follow.  Please do comment, add your own and save this small community, a microcosm, from further decay.

 

•1.       Shall we all learn to praise, appreciate and encourage our fellow gatherers for whatever little efforts they make, since they expect a little encouragement that they lack in the outer world?

•2.       If we had to criticize them for their wrong views or words, shall we be a little more kind, and make it a positive, constructive criticism?

•3.       If our fellow gatherers publish their own or their family photos, particularly if they are woman, shall we be as polite and respectful as possible in our views?

•4.       Shall we take a little more time to read an article in full, try to grasp the mood, spirit and the message in it and then comment?

•5.       Before we publish an article or an image, shall we all try to be a little more sensitive to others views, and be self regulative and responsible?

•6.       When others comment on our article or image, shall we try to take it in the right sense, and ignore the wrong words or mistakes?

•7.       Even if the derogatory comments are intentional, shall we treat them as our brothers or sisters and forgive them?

•8.       When we publish our own or family photos, shall we be a little more prepared to face all kinds of people and their all kinds of comments?

•9.       Shall we all expect all kinds of members, visitors who are new to Gather to be naïve in the beginning?

•10. Shall we all give them a little more time to learn?

•11. Now, you all can add to this list!

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Comments: 54

Felicia R. Jan 22, 2007, 2:08am EST
Hun,

Again this is a good article, although it does not fit the qualifications of the CSI Las Vegas Guidelines that I am trying to stick by... Sorry I will not be allowing this in the group...
Christine Zibas Jan 22, 2007, 2:09am EST
I don't know what happened in the Liz case; I have read some of her postings and liked her writing style. Then I got these strange emails in my inbox, but I missed all the drama. Obviously someone hurt her feelings and she left, and Gather will be less without her voice (or anyone else's who writes well and contributes to the debate around here).
Julie L. Jan 22, 2007, 2:10am EST
Best of luck getting that to happen. People have tried to ignore rude remarks but by ignoring them it only causes more. And if you dare to defend yourself you are then a social outcast here. I would love to see you ideas work, I just do not think it will happen.
Carol Roach Jan 22, 2007, 2:19am EST
it doesn't really fit gathering in prayer either but I will allow it, because it is heartfelt and is working for the good of people not against them.

If you want a group that you can post anything on your mind then my group reaching out is ideal for you
Hmm, I've actually have had so far, a pretty positive experience on gather. I like your suggestions, but having all abide by them, might be hard. All in all, gather is a good place and I thought Liz was coming back? No?
If there is an article that doesn't interest me, I don't read it, and if one does, I always comment and give a rating. I like it here and there are more and more people joining every hour, so there are bound to be some changes, like any other large website. Kindness is always important, good points :)
Ronita G. Jan 22, 2007, 3:09am EST
I think that you summed it all up for us and i for one agree 100 % with everyone that you posted here!!
John Knight Jan 22, 2007, 3:36am EST
Julie sees it. There are people that are intentionally doing character assassinations, they will just love to have as many people as possible follow your rules. Makes the game that much more fun.
Charlene Sharp Jan 22, 2007, 4:17am EST
I wish I knew what was going on! I have had a postive experience so far. It seems as if the gathers that have been around for a while are the one's feeling these problems. Is it because you want things to remain small? You don't want new people? I didn't know people had got so personally involved with one another to be taking sides. I guest the longer I stay around the more I will learn.
vickey w Jan 22, 2007, 5:08am EST
I think if we just followed the golden rule we all may benefit from this, There is no need for some of the attacks that go on here, just because someone else has a different opinion. Thats what makes the world go round. Wouldnt if be boring if we all totally agreed with each other? I think that some people come on this site though with the intentions of being ignorant and their goal is to hurt people, they are looking for an outlet to express their own frustations and shortcomings. They bash people because they are insecure. Not to mention, it drives up the ratings. In the process though, someone usually innocent gets hurt. Some of these malicious people have their little groups that jump in on the friends side, It is hard to argue with 3 or 4 people at the same time but some on here who are attacked do hold their own though and dont need any back up to bail them out as the attackers seem to need cause they cant do it on their own.
Good article and rated 10
Paul L. Jan 22, 2007, 5:28am EST
The article is a good one and is welcomed in any or all groups I own. It has ideas that are good ones, but I'm not sure everyone would think so. Not everyone knew Liz and likely some of those that did not won't have an appreciation for articles like this as I have.

The best advice I can give is to not get involved in emotional struggles in this community because it can take away from your "good" experience especially if struggles are not your forte. If you see something you do not like, then walk away from it, read something else. Disagree but don't condemn.

Giving this a ten Esaiah for the positive ideas attached. Love and light, my friend.
bill l. Jan 22, 2007, 7:36am EST
why not stay out of arguments that don't concern us ? It just fuels the fires and agitites people to comment
Free Spirit or the guy next door ~. Jan 22, 2007, 8:25am EST
I have no Idea what or why Liz quit---her business. I believe in FREEDOM OF SPEECH, no one person or group should try and stop the ideas and opinions of others, if you don't agree with them, then don't read them, don't comment on them, and last quit trying to change peoples thinking to match yours. Gather is opened up to the whole world and sorry to say there are good and bad people out there, you only encourage the bad ones by recognizing their comment---the best way to handle them is not to recognize them.

Esaiah, these are good rules to follow and a wonderful article and if we all thought like you Gather would be the Utopia of the INTERNET but Utopia does not exist in the world today.
jill w. Jan 22, 2007, 8:28am EST
RIGHT...iVE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS Esaiah I KNOW YOU MEAN WELL BUT FOR CRAP SAKE LET IT DROP WILL YOU...AND THIS SHOULDNT BE IN THE STRANGE UNIVERSE GROUP OK..YES I LIKED LIZ TOO..BUT SHE LEFT IF SOMEONE ELSE LEAVES ITS UP TO THEM NOT ME..SO LEAVE IT THERE AND THERE ARE ENOUGH GUIDELINES OK

PEOPLE WILL ARGUE AND ITS UP TO THEM TO TAKE CARE OF IT...I BLEW MY STACK ON SOMEONE THE OTHERDAY AND I NOW REGRET HOW I DID IT BUT NOT WHAT I SAID IM HAVING NOONE BULLYING ME OR FOLLOWING ME AROUND HERE TELLING ME IM IGNORANT..SO I REACTED BADLY..SO WHAT...IT HAPPENS BUT IM GETTING FED UP OF HEARING ABOUT THIS ..PERHAPS YOU SHOULD THINK JUST AS MUCH ABOUT POSTING STUFF WHERE IT DONT BELONG AS YOU DO ABOUT THIS SUBJECT....
John S. (arizona) Jan 22, 2007, 8:40am EST
Many don't follow the ones we have already, let alone having them enforced.....
Debra H. Jan 22, 2007, 9:20am EST
Esaiah - I started to respond to this and it got so long I made an article in response. You have a good heart and good intentions but I feel you are overlooking some things - please do not get discouraged. 10

Lets Stop Burying The Living.
Olumide Akinwumi-Oke Jan 22, 2007, 9:32am EST
We are all different and come from varied backgrounds but it doesn't stop everything living together in harmony. The reasons why a lot of us came to gather surely wasnt to part but to initiate new experiences and become better, able to tolerate other views, even if in desperate collision with ours. Yes some can be pretty acerbic but soft answer turneth away wrath - maturity also comes through in the way we handle those we consider obtrusive. It might just be their nature though they mean no harm.
Gwen S. Jan 22, 2007, 10:41am EST
I have no idea what happened to Liz, but I can attest to the fact that there are a good many opinionated "gatherers" out there who think they have poetic license to censure and criticize. Some of them may just like to think they are the acting editors-in-chief. I think most people expect they will receive a sprinkling of contructive criticism, perhaps even some opposition, to what they write. But we are all people here, with true and deep feelings. I would recommend that if we are quick to criticize, we should also be quick to praise. Do not say "your stuff sucks" without stating why and how to fix it. If you can't offer solutions, you're part of the problem. I don't even know Liz, but I can empathize with her. Let's all try to be a little kindler and gentler in our comments to one another. A teaspoon of sugar with the vinegar would not hurt.
Susan Marie Jan 22, 2007, 10:44am EST
Beautiful suggestions (sad that they need to be listed) but art is open to what the writer sets out there, the readers interpretation of it.

I have never come across a disturbing comment nor would make one yet appreciate good constructive criticism to aid me in seeing maybe something I didn't before.

I see no reason to criticize anything in a rude or negative manner. There are other places for things like that - I agree with above, it is a maturity level for sure.
K D. Jan 22, 2007, 11:24am EST
I think it's time to stop the discussions on people choosing to leave. Period! Just stop! Let it drop! Over the past few days I have seen so many articles about other people leaving, people threatening to leave and they are stil here by the way, and so on and so forth. It is time to stop perpetuating this nonsense and stop discussing it ad nauseum. When we do that, the problem goes away.
Kurt Michael Friese Jan 22, 2007, 12:08pm EST
You mean guidelines like not posting content like this post on groups that are for other purposes? Everyone PLEASE post only to the right groups. Porn isn't the only definition of innappropriate content.

Esaiah Udhayakumar' was posted to 3 political groups I run that have nothing to do with this issue. Then I have to take my time to go through and decline it 3 times, then again any time she reposts or edits it. Others do it too.
I'm not interested in name calling etc. I also expect a certain amount of uncivilized behavior on a site like this.
Philip H. Jan 22, 2007, 1:01pm EST
It's a nice idea that everyone acts polite and respectful, but it's not realistic. As a writer or any artist you put yourself and your work out there and hope it appeals to the masses but everyone has a different opinion. I think it's our responsibility to take certain criticisms with a grain of salt, allowing some of them to sink in and the others to just brush off our shoulders. Dealing with people's blunt honesty is a good exercise in growing thicker skin…
Deborah H. Jan 22, 2007, 1:09pm EST
I agree whole heartedly with Gwen ... sugar with the vinegar! ... D.
Sandy (Site Psychic™) Knauer Jan 22, 2007, 1:26pm EST
EXAMPLE OF HOW I CHOOSE TO DEAL WITH PROBLEMS
Aaron P. Jan 22, 2007, 2:07pm EST
I don't know what happened with Liz or who she is but Gather isn't as important as some people make it. If someone leaves Gather, what's the big deal? Maybe they've moved to myspace or got a different hobby.
♯ ♪ Jan 22, 2007, 2:52pm EST
I agree with Nippy. Gather isn't heaven. The internet isn't heaven. Neither one is Nirvana. There will be some uncivilized behavior here.
Jon W. Jan 22, 2007, 4:21pm EST
You know, hurt feelings ae a byproduct of freeodm of speech. I do agree with you in the sense that we should try to be sensitive to others feelings but not to the point where we begin to sacrifice ourselves. Whichever was the case here, you can only truly know yourself by being yourself.
I try not to go out of the way to insult people. I know I'm going to do it sometimes regardless of my intent. It's a matter of personal preference. Some people get a kick out of conflict, the more insane the better. I like to think their function in my world is to make me feel better about myself. Maybe it's a bit narcissistic.
Miz Lynn aka/BooBoo Jan 22, 2007, 5:46pm EST
Gather has a TOS and a set of guidelines, all of which management choses to ignore. UNTIL enforcement happens, nothing will change.

A big fat 10 for effort!!
Sarah B. Jan 22, 2007, 8:58pm EST
I understand what you are saying and I am sad to see Liz go. Hopefully she will decide to come back to gather. She will be greatly missed.
John Knight Jan 22, 2007, 8:59pm EST
Some people really do like to hurt others. And they go out of their way to justify such feelings. Most often they target those who have hope or a positive approach to life, with a bent toward antagonizing them into acting in anger, or defensiveness. These are wicked people, and they are to be pitied.

There are also those that "get off" on watching such scenes, and will often be drawn into participating. They justify such by listening with great prejudice to the adversaries, and focusing on the words of the attacker which mirror their negative experiences, and the words of the defender which are reminiscent of their own pretentious behavior in the past. I don't think one could rightly call them wicked, but they do need to shake free of their prejudices, and realize they are causing harm to society.
Felix R. Jan 22, 2007, 9:26pm EST
I love, Liz...but, nyet to this proposition...not ready to move to Stepford...not now, not ever. No 'goody-two-shoes' for me, thank you.

I agree with, John, about some gnomes going after people that are positive. I'm negative and ornery so they leave me alone...they know if anyone is going to get their' feelings hurt...it's them. Everything is proportional...I'm nice to the nice and meaner than mean to the mean...just press the right button.
Matthew Emmett Townsend Jan 23, 2007, 12:09am EST
Thank you for this.

The intent is good
the goal is worthy
but each must walk the path alone
so let us each
take a step in the right direction
while we will not reach it
we will get closer
each day...

my thoughts, not good peotry, just heart felt

Peace
Matthew Emmett Townsend Jan 23, 2007, 12:13am EST
Liz!!!!

Hugs

Emmett
Todd L Jan 23, 2007, 12:38am EST
How to solve problems around here seems to be a tough one....And to think, I actually wasted money on a new keyboard today...Shit, here goes #5....

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
subroto s s. Jan 23, 2007, 1:48am EST
The members of gather are all adults and mature people, capable of adopting a code of conduct meant for civilized society. If someone takes advantage of the gather network and behaves in an unbecoming manner, then he should be reported to the law enforcing agencies for appropriate action.
Felix R. Jan 23, 2007, 1:48am EST
Welcome back, Liz!!! It's good to have you back, in fact, it's gooder than good! Pull up a chair and stay awhile.
Felix R. Jan 23, 2007, 1:56am EST
"report it to the law enforcing agencies for appropriate action."

What you talking 'bout, Willis? Not the Homeland Gestapo Squad! Get a grip. No orange jumper' suits for me...please.
Esaiah Udhayakumar Jan 23, 2007, 4:54am EST
Shall we all welcome Liz and others who have left Gather back?

Thank you all for joining with me in this open forum, a discussion, leading to no conclusion, but a slightly increased sensitivity on others feelings.
Dolphi D. Jan 23, 2007, 6:12am EST
Our behavior on internet reflects our basic nature. When we join a community we may have an implicit or explicit agenda of our own which may conflict with other agenda trying to dominate. In a civilized society the differences can be sorted out and an acceptable balance can be worked out through rational discourses. When discussions go awry at every step and take the route of personal and abrasive exchanges, it reflects our immaturity. While politeness and consideration to others help in building a stable and peace loving community, ego and immaturity do the opposite. It is the role of visionaries like you, Esaiah, to guide us when we flounder into the darkness of ignorance and the thick fog of ego. I find your guidelines kindhearted and well meaning. Such exhortations will definitely have some effect on some people.

The exposure to negative vibes does affect the physical and mental health of people. However, internet is not the real world. We can take it as a trial ground to build our immunity. Moreover quitting a salvable community because of overwhelming negativity is not the solution. Those who care should revitalize it with positivity, calm reasoning and good sense. I am glad that Liz has changed her mind to stay. With the love, respect and the stature as a caring person that she has earned on Gather, Liz can indeed be the healing touch to those who have been hurt by long running feuds and bring around those who are adamant to a reasonable and peaceable coexistence.
subroto s s. Jan 23, 2007, 8:01am EST
If Liz has changed her mind, her homecoming must be welcomed with open arms. I had personally requested her, through e-mail, to reconsider her decision. I was a bit disappointed when I found no response. Now I am very very happy. Thanks, Liz, for giving my advice some grade points!
Jody Says Jan 23, 2007, 10:07am EST
The Lord told her to come back! Now who in their right mind can argue with that? Hey Liz, glad to see you back, I missed you. But I secretly knew all along you were coming back. hehe
Esaiah Udhayakumar Jan 24, 2007, 12:46am EST
I am happy to hear that Liz has come back, May God be with her!
Bonnie C. Jan 24, 2007, 11:29am EST
Liz is back????Wahoooooooooo

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