Grieving Our Losses & Disappointments

The call came on Wednesday, early in the morning. The church in Dayton, Ohio where my husband had interviewed to be the minister had chosen to hire the other candidate. The president of the board of trustees was calling to give him the news. We were stunned, because we had felt so good about this church and it had felt “right” to us when we visited there two weeks before. 

When my husband got off the phone, we sat quietly together just absorbing the news. Although we knew there was the possibility that he wouldn’t be selected, we had allowed ourselves to get excited about the idea of moving to Dayton and joining this new spiritual community. I had done some online searches for homes and was taking positive steps towards this move. So this caught us by surprise and we needed to just take it all in. After a few minutes, the tears came.  

There are many losses that occur during our lifetime. Whether it’s the loss of a loved one, a job, relationship, a dream that we have had, or a loss related to a health challenge—all of these circumstances warrant a process of letting go through the act of grieving.  

How we grieve is personal. Some people do it alone and others want someone to be with. Tears are usually a natural part of that, although some people feel uncomfortable crying; whether it is the way they were brought up--being taught that crying is a sign of weakness--or a bad experience they've had being vulnerable with another person. We need to give ourselves permission to cry. Researchers have found that crying relieves stress and releases toxins from the body.  

Talking about our feelings is also a healthy way to process our loss. It’s natural to experience a myriad of feelings and emotions when we've experienced a loss or disappointment: anger, frustration, confusion, sadness are all normal. Bob and I are grateful to have each other to talk to and share our disappointments with. But we also have friends that we can confide in and trust to just listen and not feel they have to solve our problem or fix things.  

Although we were saddened to learn of the church’s decision, we have faith that God was at work in this decision and that it is for the highest good of all involved. We now just have to be patient and wait to see what God has in mind for us.  

If you're going through some challenges now or have experienced a loss or disappointment, here is a beautiful poem that someone recently shared with me. 

Wild Geese

By Mary Oliver

You do not have to be good.

You do not have to walk on your knees

for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.

You only have to let the soft animal of your body

love what it loves.

Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.

Meanwhile the world goes on.

Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain

are moving across the landscapes,

over the prairies and the deep trees,

the mountains and the rivers.

Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,

are heading home again,

whoever you are, no matter how lonely;

the world offers itself to your imagination.

Calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting-

over and over announcing your place

in the family of things.