Hello my name is Trena and at one time I was suicidal I was 14 and had been through an abusive mom and was molested at the age of 4. I was so tired of the memories that I wanted it all to just end. I was alone or so I thought. I broke into my grandparents room and got my grandpa's handgun and loaded it and started to pull the trigger when the phone started ringing and kept ringing I couldn't stand the ringing so I laid the gun down and went and answered it on the other end was a lady whom I have no clue to this day who she was but she said God says to tell you he still loves you no matter what you are going through. I started crying and I put the gun away and nobody knew anything about what had happened. I have a lot of healing in my life that needs to take place. I know it has been hard for me to deal with somethings but I am so glad for the lady who was obedient to God that day had she not been I doubt I would be here. I am still praying for a complete emotional healing and know that one day it will come. I am now 34 with 3 beautiful kids that I am glad God has blessed me with. There are days that are hard to get through but God helps me keep me in prayer because I want to make Heaven my home someday.
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Comments: 53
You must be a very strong person to have survived all this and be able to talk about it.
Thanks for sharing it with us.
HUGS, she is right he Loves you... and as my sister I too love you and I am happy to meet you here on Gather.
God Bless...
My blessings to you, and I'm glad you have a beautiful family now and that you know you are loved.
I believe heaven is also on earth, its in the eyes of your babys , there lives the same unconditional love that I imagine is in heaven.Your strength in your story is inspirational...............Thank you............ Darcey
Gather is a great place to make friends who care. Select carefully and you will benefit from loving and caring individuals. Pay no attention to those who would attack or belittle you. They are far outnumbered by the wonderful people on Gather.
But i reflected upon the gospel, upon the "talk shows" (like Oprah), and discussions with my sister how forgiveness has this healing power. My sister was saying that forgiveness meant that she was supposed to forget the wrongs of a hurtful person.
Jesus didn't say "forgive and forget"; he didn't say "forgive and trust"; he said "forgive, forgive, forgive........... He knew that someone like your Mom would do countless harms and would need countless times of forgiveness. She just did not have a gift to be a loving Mom, but she did that which she could.
I have heard it said by people who on faith were able to forgive, that they felt a sense of release--or perhaps freedom to move on with their life. I am sorry about being so presumptuous. You already know all of this and have heard it all before. I will always remember your story and care about you so much. Peace of Christ be with you, Christie
I have a different perspective on forgiveness when abuse and molestation are involved. I feel forgiveness of others comes in its own time, if it comes at all, but the MOST important person to forgive is yourself. You did nothing wrong, you were not to blame or at fault. You were a child who should have been protected and loved and treated with kindness. Most kids blame themselves for being abused. It is a self-protective mechanism to keep from actually seeing the horrifying circumstances they are in, from seeing what these people who they should have been 100% able to trust are really like and capable of. So if you have any bad feelings about yourself at all, as you are able to, embrace that innocent, defenseless 4 year old you and that helpless, devasted 14 year old you and forgive yourself for any of the bad things that happened to you that you have blamed yourself for. It is the person/ people who hurt you who did something bad, something heinous and criminal, not you.
Sending some love, light and hope to you, Trena, to help you on your journey.
Ditto. I was a therapist in my professional life. When abuse and molestation were involved, often times people simply couldn't forgive. I often felt that my acceptance of that, most times led helped them eventually to forgive. And when they were able to forgive, their sense and my sense was that it was Grace that was actually doing the forgiving - for which we were grateful. Many times, forgiveness didn't come for a long, long time, if, as you say, it ever came at all.
Thank you for sharing. You have already received some very good council. I understand much of what you have had to live with, for I have also, although not at quite so young an age. I did not make an attempt with a gun, but I did try overdosing on medication, also at the age of 14. No one ever knew why I was vomiting so violently. Obviously, I wasn't successful, thank God. Like everyone, I have faced many other tragedies since that time. I have learned that it is during those times, my relationship with my Savior Jesus grew stronger, and He was with me every step of the way.
A quote from "The Purpose Driven Life" that has really stuck with me is "God wastes no pain".
You may not know what or how He will use it for your good, but know that He will. I always remind myself that He said He "uses ALL things to the good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose" (Romans 8:28). And remember, He said "My ways are not your ways". He knew the pain of every wrong that was done to you and it broke His heart. Trena, forgive those that hurt you, for your own healing. I say that because I know. Jesus said to forgive others, just as He has forgiven.
Your Lord has blessed you with children to love unconditionally, just as He loves you. It may be years before He calls on you to use your experiences to help others, but He will.
He didn't prompt the lady to call you and then cross His fingers hoping she would be obedient. He chose her because He knew she would.
If you have given your life to Jesus, then of course you will be in Heaven. And it's there, in eternity, that you will meet your lady on the phone! May God continue to bless you abundantly. Thank you again, for telling your story. It's a powerful witness to Him -- and may all the glory be His!
Never forget that He watches over us every day. I certainly believe in angels as they have watched over my life in many scarey times. Always believe and they will see you through tough times. God Bless you.