the format came out weird on gather so bear with me
FLASHBACK:Scene two EXT.School.Day
THE SCENE OPENS WITH A CAMERA FOLLOWING JOHN DOWN A CROWDED FRESHMAN HALLWAY. He walks down to his locker and opens his locker. Jake, his best friend, comes walking up to him.
Jake
Hey! Quick question, did we have any science homework?
John turns away from his locker and looks at Jake.
JOHN
You know you always ask me that and my answer is always-
Jake
Yes?!
JOHN
Pay attention in school
John slams his locker shut and picks up his binder. They walk down the hallway.
JAKE
Come on! Please tell me man, I help you with your math!
They turn and stop in the entrance hallway.
JOHN
Only because I suck at it
JAKE
Well, I suck at science!
John looks at Jake
JOHN
Fine, I left it in my locker. I'll be right back.
JAKE
Hurry up! I got another missing assignment, I get an F!
John walks away while saying
JOHN
It's called an agenda!
He continues down the hallway. Maneuvering through the crowds of people in his way. He reaches his locker and scrambles with the combination. He opens it and reaches in. He pulls out a FOLDER and is about to shut the door when he sees LISA walking down the hallway. He opens it quickly.
JOHN
Oh Christ!
He breathes heavily, in and out. LISA is seen by her locker. John bends out to look at her, but quickly puts his head back in. She shuts her locker and walks down the hallway where John's locker is. John acted like he was getting something out of his locker and began to walk away.
JOHN
God, that was cl-
John runs into Lisa, both dropping their things. John frantically tries to pick up his things.
Lisa
Sorry, that was my b-
JOHN
No, that was my fault sorry..(he stumbles his words) It's-uh-I mean-
LISA
It's ok.
The bell rings and the students rush to their classes. John looks at Lisa.
LISA
Well, bye.
JOHN
Yea, bye ...Lisa
She walks away. John rubs his face and shakes his head. He walks away towards his class. A SHOT ZOOMS OUT FROM JOHN WALKING AWAY. ANOTHER SHOT SHOWS JAKE STILL IN THE ENTRANCE HALLWAY WAITING. He stands and looks around. He walks away
Jake
Damn it John!
A CAMERA IS FOLLOWING JOHN FROM A ZOOM
JOHN (VOICE OVER)
That was brutal, makes me wince looking at it again, but that was my first encounter with Lisa ever. I have at one point in my life small talked with her, but for only a minute. And did you see her?Gorgeous! And as you may have noticed, I suck at talking with her. Which is way I mumbled a lot. No matter. It was then that I made my little creed. To write for her and to someday, no matter what it takes, get her. I have it written on a piece of paper in my room. Back to the story, I started that very day at play practice to write the perfect poem, but it wouldn't be easy.....
SCENE FADES
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Comments: 3
You could take more time in describing Lisa or the way that Jake feels near her other that his lack of speech but I was with you.