How Christmas Was Saved: Horse & Llama Saga

A great tragedy was averted this past Christmas and it's something you won't read in the news. Flickertail, the private investigator received a tip from a secret agent she knew. This agent said that the neocons, who love battles, (Al Gore?) and war had listed Santa as a terrorist and of course there's more. These enemies of common sense who think our entire GDP should be spent on weapons of mass offense had sent a message to our Liar in Chief for a plan, filled with grief, to shoot down Santa's sleigh and to then interrogate captured reindeer by methods that included denial of hay.

Now the sources, let's make it plain, had destroyed the video that might explain, why a subversive had spilled his guts: Snow boarding had made him give up. Yes, he named Santa as a terrorist and all the neocons seized on this. The Liar in Chief, planning disasters for our environment decided to take a break and eat a mint while he watched this taped confession and said this is an excellent explanation, but then asked why he didn't speak English very well and no one was sure if he meant himself. However, everyone agreed that this tape was enough to start a double speak campaign to sell Santa as an Infidel.

Now this secret agent who naively had believed American justice was true without deceit was quite aghast that plans to shoot Santa's sleigh down was a decision made that would cause children to cry or frown. So there he stood by a llama's stall and spilled his guts and Flickertail had heard it all. So Flickertail traveled to the North Pole with his sidekick Paint and told Santa all. Santa of course was horrified and decided a letter he would try to send to a president of no common sense and below is the letter he sent.

*Dear George,

Apparently, the CIA thinks that my Ice Castle is most likely a front for Osama Bin Ladden... though I have in fact no such goblin on my workforce. My somewhat battered sleigh has now been made subject to your Act and in short, it has been deemed to probably be an airborne WMD. Pentagon Anti-Reindeer Standing Orders that authorize surface-to-air guided missiles stationed on the Canadian border to fire upon any unauthorized incursions by flying reindeers, with or without sleighs attached will cause me to not leave you or other American children presents this year. Your present is in the balance unless you rescind this provocative act. Your friend, Santa

Now when George the totally inept read this, he went to a TV camera and fake tears he wept. However, the neocons still held sway and told George you must negotiate. We can't have Rudolph with his Communist red nose, or Cupid with our campaign to just say no. So George sent Santa a note of compromise that said Rudolph and Cupid mustn't fly into USA air space at anytime where freedom faces restrictions all of the time. So Santa entrusted Paint to guide his sleigh and Flickertail gave Cupid a needed break. So this Christmas Santa was able to leave his gifts in the USA and accolades should be sent to Flickertail and Paint who behind the scenes saved Christmas Day.

* Letter used by permission. From 'Leaked Santa Email to The President'

   Magi.gather.com 2007