I enter the land of words often,
Eager to pluck the ripest,
Driven by urge to fashion verse,
Attempting a vivid message.
Michelangelo chiselled his "Boy David",
From a piece of misshapen rock,
But my limitation with language inhibits,
Eloquence adorned, lofty thoughts!
Randomly sieving the banal,
Determinedly fill my inkwell,
Decanting a tiny pool of words,
Fuelling, poetic sequels-
The sharp tipped quill seems driven,
With its own will of delight,
Needle like leads threads of ink into,
Vivid embroidery of words!
Being a limited linguist, I know,
Many words are more lucid,
Articulate and proficient,
Unknown, unpractised!
Armed with few I ascend a plateau,
Of verbal callisthenics,
Exhausting the thought to observe,
Expression panting, loquacious!
Wisdom advises scrutiny,
Ere I share it with other minds.
Does it please Him, who knows every thought?
Is it poetry, the Master likes?
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Comments: 34
Thanks,
Marilyn
rated 10
I like the image of the ink well filled and decanting a tiny pool of words.
For me, a vocabulary of 8000 words is sufficient for writing the world's best poetry. What's more important are the eyes that see and the heart that feels.
You have that Vinay and so I'm sure the Master likes.
Shona - wish I could be your personal muse!
Fred - you are a wonderful critic and friend. Thank you for exapanding upon the reference to Boy David - and I'm privileged that my writing touches other hearts - that I'm sure the Master likes.
Deven - dear friend, thank you for being there.
Bravo!!!
Mary - you leave me speechless. English is not my native language and your compliments mean so much to me. Thank you.
Sue - you're a real gem! Thank you.
Tina - that lovely smile of yours is compliment enough. Thank you for your comment.
Natalie - this is the first comment from you on my posts and I'm absolutely touched by your wonderful comments that takes this verse to another level. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
Mariana - wonderful friend, your encouragement really means the world to me. Thank you for relating with these lines.
Manoj - I am deeply obliged you spent time reading this and posting your wonderful comment. Thank you, dear friend . . .
Just one suggestion -- most of your commas seem unnecessary to me, in fact several stop the flow of your thought just where it wants to be flowing. Between quill and seems and between language and inhibits and between advises and scrutiny, for instance, the comma calls for a pause that is foreign to the meaning.
(After other minds, however, the comma feels like it should be a period.)
I suggest you remove all the commas, and then in speaking the poem out loud, restore a comma only where a pause insists on coming.
In the spirit of the final thought I would add: the spirit of god is strongest in the smallest things. That includes the flow of breath guided by punctuation, and the choice of the powerful little words like a-an-the, and-or-but, of-by-for. Though modest, you work freely with many complicated and sophisticated words; let the spirit assist you in guiding it rightly in the simplest things.