On Friendship Part 2

I have to think about this one but I'll be back.

I agree with your list, but would add my Christian faith to it, as this has added a whole new dimension to my friendships. I still get frustrated when I have to go somewhere alone...it shouldn't be that way, right? I'd top this list off by venturing into saying "unconditional love" and "mutual respect." Good luck!

I'm back. I'll start by saying that I have a lot of superficial friends; people to have lunch with, chat for a time, maybe do something more social like a movie. But they really aren't part of my inner circle.

My inner circle friends, which I generally only have a few, are those people that I can share ANYTHING with and they will not judge.

If they have a problem with me, they will be upfront and tell me in a respectful way.

They will care about and cherish my feelings in the same way they would one of their children.

I'm sure there's more by that is all that bubbled to the surface. I, of course, would treat the friend(s) in the same way. I don't mind doing things by myself and often prefer to so that generally isn't a factor when having a friend.

One thing that you mentioned about yourself hit a chord with me. I had a friend who, like you, was very generous. She always paid for meals when we went out, bought me things she knew I liked (like beads), even bought me groceries. I had to insist on paying my own way into different events we went to. This was not comfortable for me. It didn't feel equal and eventually caused some problems in the relationship.

Great through-provoking article.

I'd say people you can count on. I have friends I haven't seen in person for years, yet know if I really needed anything, they'd be there for me. Time and distance doesn't matter.

simply be honest.

cut-throat honest.

You named it above! Of Course, someone who accepts me unconditionally and loves me anyway ~ no matter what ~ mistakes or no ~ and I grant her/him the same in return! A friend is the family that you pick out for yourself. I have greatly needed that in my life because there is not much closeness in my family. Of course I am close with my kids though.

those are major considerations on friendship and are hard to find you know the
cut throat honesty is particuarly hard to find cause friends think you wont appreciate it though to me it is probably the one part of friendship i search for
at the end of the day you know they wont lie to you and they will be there in the hard times.

I had a long conversation with a friend recently about the difference between friends and aquaintances. My sons, having just been through high school and moving house, are very conscious of the difference. Maybe a friend is someone who will still be a friend when I've got nothing left to offer.

I think I can state it better when I look at it in a way of what I hope that I am as a friend.

I strive to be dependable - there may be times that I have to cancel plans that I have made because things come up (important things-not a TV show that I don't want to miss). I carry out the commitments that I make.

I strive to be considerate - I will call ahead of time in cases (like that stated above). I want a friends opinion and input on where we'll go and what we'll do. I will take time to listen when they have a problem or just something that they want to talk about. If there's only 1 of something left...I will always offer it not take it.

I strvie to be honest - there's a lot of truth to the saying that the truth sometimes hurts...but lies always hurt.

I strive to be caring - I will help a friend out however I am able to. I pray for my friends in the times that I may feel helpless and know that God will handle what I may not be capable of.

I strive to be equal - I am not better or worse than anyone. I do not believe in passing judgment, it's not my place. I know where I have come from and I wouldn't want anyone to pass judgment on me. It's not a competition!

I strive to be selfless - I enjoy doing things for my friends. It's not all about me and what I can get out of my relationship with them...it's about what I can contribute, what I can give of myself to help bring joy to someone else's life.

I have found through life that we ourselves are a representation of the qualities that we desire in our friends. "Due unto others as you would have done unto you"

I use to have some very rigid guidelines for friendship, but a few years ago I changed my mind (we're allowed to do that) and decided I would be friends with everyone. Although it was an easy decision, this was not an easy task. I was in Las Vegas at the time I made this decision, LOL. If you've ever been there, you know why I laugh at my own decision, with all folks passing out all those pamphlets from every street corner and then some.

But there was another side of Vegas that had so much influence in my decision, and made me even more determined, and that was the homeless situation. They were camped right outside our RV Park in cardboard boxes, and would sneak into the park to take showers. I'd never lived this close to the homeless before. They need to be loved just like we all do. They hunger for friendships just like we all do. So, I made some friends that I wouldn't have made if I stuck to my guidelines.

Then too, I have special friends, these are the ones who guide me to treasures that can't be bought with silver or gold or paper money; treasures I store up in my heart - advice, guidance, wisdom - those who teach about life's lessons. I have to keep myself open to receive these bits and pieces because you never know who is going to tell you something profound. So, I don't use guidelines for friendships anymore, I have friends for guides. Hopefully, I can be that kind of friend, too.

I agree with all of those above. I also look for someone who can make me laugh, someone who challenges me to think outside the box, someone who isn't afraid to disagree with me once in awhile, someone who graciously shares their wisdom without making me feel inadequate, and someone who isn't too proud to admit when they are wrong. I hope that I have the qualities that I seek in my friends.

A friend should be honest, caring, and someone you can laugh and share with. Somebody who is not fake and is not a user. Since moving back to Florida I have found the people that were my friends, aren't. One in particular seems to have used me for her needs in the past few years when she needed people around her and now doesn't even contact me even though I have tried several time. I guess I am just not up to her standards now. Oh well. I am making new friends from the church now and I am happy because I have my sister when I need a friend. I know she will always be there for me.

I like your list and the comments as well. They are all ingredients for great friendships. I will have to echo the thoughts about honesty. Without that, there is nothing.

Ditto...

Great list.

I give my friends the benefit of the doubt. I let them know when I've discovered a great new book/movie/tv show I think they'd like. I know what's going on in their lives, and (at least) offer help when needed. I dither a long time when I believe they've screwed up, then let them know in the kindest way possible, also suggesting possible remedies if appropriate.

I expect the same from my friends.

Honesty. ...and being a good person.

Regards,
Doyle I <~~~~~

Brutal honesty

Friendships are important. I too have different levels friendships. My heart friends are the ones I can open my heart up to and I'm not afraid they will squash it.

There are many more qualities but that is the most important.

There are many levels of friendship. I try not to expect any more than I can give.

I agree there are levels of Friendships and that Friendships run in cycles. They have their high points and lows over the years.
I want someone who smiles when they see me no matter how many years have passed. When you call them they know your voice and don't says "who is this".
Someone who gives me space and realizes my life might be in a bad place right now and I need to get there this on my own. I will reach out sooner or later. Maybe I just don't even want to be around myself let alone anyone else.

I read your post and have to agree with you. I would only add two things, the first is honesty, sometimes the truth hurts, the person hearing it and the person telling it. A good friend knows that sometimes what you will tell them will hurt but it's in their best interest and it's hurting you to say it as much as it's hurting them to hear it. I don't consider anyone a friend who can't be honest with me. The second is complete loyalty one of my friend told me a true friend is not someone who post your bail but someone who will go to jail with you having your back or trying to keep you out of trouble. That's what I think of as a friend. (this kind of sounds like a paper I wrote in 9th grade :-) )

I think Tara said it best. But I see comments in all of your comments that I agree with. Honesty, trust, are most important. Someone mentioned a sister; God could not have created a better friend! I would say my sisters are the closest friends I have. Yet, as Deb J. said friends are the family you pick yourself. I have a friend that could, easily be my sister, we are close like that.
I think time also, plays a part in friendship. I have a few friends that become more dear to me as time goes on. The girl you met in grade school and "called your best friend", or the Boy in high school who " worshipped you" from afar, who years later confessed it to you. He has become my greatest "champion" and true freind.
There are also, many types of friends: as the poem says,
freinds come into your life, for a season, a reason, or a lifetime.
we need them all, and they make our lives better, no better what thier purpose.And no matter what our guidelines are.
I do like Rosa See Yah's plan to like everyone! It is the goal we all should have.
Wouldn't the world be a better place to live?
David I hope you keep looking for that one or two who WILL be like you.

good article