THE BOSTON T PARTY REVISITED

For many years prior to December 16, 1773 the British government sent shiploads of letters to their American colonies in an effort to save the colonists from the bastardization of the English language that was taking place throughout the colonies.  They began in late February of the previous year with 365 crates of the letter A.  This was soon followed by 322 crates of B's, 318 crates of C's, and so on throughout the alphabet, varying the total number of crates to coincide with the popularity of each letter within the language.

These letter-laden cargo ships continued to sail from Southampton, England to Boston every few weeks.  Unfortunately, as it turned out, the British government saw fit to place an import tax on their letters, rationalizing that the colonists should have to pay something for the improvement of the King's English as it was currently being spoken in the colonies.  Needless to say this angered the colonists greatly, and by the time the incoming vessels had reached the letter T their displeasure had approached the boiling point. 

On the night of December 16th, dressed as Mohawk natives, a gang of colonists boarded the British ship Dartmouth and dumped 342 crates of T overboard.  This single act proved to be the start of a series of events that would forever divide the American colonists from their British brothers and sisters overseas.

With no T to draw from their pronunciation began to falter, then totally collapse into a hodge-podge of cacophonous mumbo jumbo.  First went the numbers - twenty became twenny, thirty became thirdy, on so on up to niney.  Party became pardy, panties became pannies, even venerable Atlanta was reduced to Atlanna.  Even the mighty Atlantic accross which the T's had sailed, was now the Atlannic Ocean. 

As the degredation of the language continues I'm hearing murmers of a movement to supplant English nationwide with Spanish, a noble language whose T is still intact and tax free I'm told.