I don't mean short story writers - you can be of any height, as long as you write stories.
Have you posted any lately on Gather?
I love to read short stories, and I also like to critique them.
If you answered 'yes' to the above question, let me know how I can find your stories. I promise to read them and send you my comments.
I assure you I know how to read and write, and I'm smarter that a head of lettuce.
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I'll try to find one already written by me and stashed someplace or write one more to your standards. My pale green leaves may protest, though.
This is the link to a story I posted a while back, "Nature's Pear", and I'm interested in knowing what works and what doesn't.
I got several good critiques, and I'm going to be posting a rewrite soon.
If you like true stories, check out the high school Diaries
I’d felt like a complete dork when I’d realized I’d lost my wallet again. What a disaster! Not the money so much, that was the least of my worries, but my license and all of my cards and contacts!
My head was still fuzzy from the late night and too enthusiastic intake of alcohol but it had been a special occasion, a reunion with my good- time buddies, dudes as crazy as me who were prepared to push the envelope and put themselves out on a limb. To take a few risks!
It was a get-together to hear what they’d been doing: see some photos: provide them with a graphic description of my latest adventure.
And it had all gone so well; “except now I’ve got major troubles if I don’t find that wallet!”
By the time I’d downed a cup of coffee I’d figured out the most likely place I could’ve lost it was in that crappy bistro near the station where we’d all met up. I’d bought and paid for a couple of rounds early in the evening but then Tony’d insisted on paying for dinner and the taxi back to my place. It must have been there, but would anyone be honest enough to hand it in? It was worth a try. “The fact there wasn’t much money in it might help”, I thought as I slipped out the door.
The bistro was still shut when I got there about 9 but I pressed my face to the glass and could see a guy in grey bib-and-brace overalls mopping the floor just inside the door. I tapped on the glass several times before he glanced up from his work and responded to my friendly waving silhouette by opening up.
“Wadya want? He asked impatiently.
The hare-lip wasn’t the only tragic thing about his face, so I started to very politely explain that I had misplaced my wallet the previous evening.
“Was it leather?” he asked.
“Yes, it was.”
“A brown one?”
“Yeah, light brown, tan really.”
“Bout yey big?”, he asked making a square shape about the size of a slice of bread with his hands and fingers.
“Yeah! Standard kind of size. Bout that.”
“Haven’t seen it.” He said turning away to continue mopping the floor.
“What?!” I asked more to myself than anyone else. Haven’t seen it? I said more evenly, “Well, what are you talking about then?”
He stopped mopping and looked at me. “Only kiddin’ young fella.” He said. “Don’t go getting your knickers in a knot“, he said chuckling just a little bit but moving his chest up and down like he was really guffawing.
“Uh. Excuse me? Do you have my wallet; or not.”
“Yeah. I got it. It’s behind the counter. Just give me a second and I’ll get it for you.”
“Wow! That’s great. That’s fantastic.” I said, stepping inside the door. “Thanks a lot. I was really worried cause I wasn’t sure where I’d left it, and all my cards and stuff are in it. It’s really nice of you. Not everyone is as honest these days.”
“You’re lucky.” he said scratching his whiskered cheek. “Sometimes I’m honest, and sometimes I’m not so honest.”
“You can keep the money.” I assured him. “Kind of like a reward. I’m really grateful just to get the wallet and papers back.”
“Ain’t no money in it”, he said looking up, a bit challengingly.”
“Yeah. There was probably fifty bucks in it.”
“Think so, do ya?” looking at me so I could see the tip of his tongue. “Well there ain’t none now. And anyway you said I could keep the money.”
“Yeah OK, that’s fine. But I was sure there was some money in it last night.”
“Yeah, of course there might have been young fella. Except you were being a bit irresponsible weren’t ya. A bit careless. And you dropped it down under the bench there.” Nodding, and pointing with his nose.
“Is where I found it. So when you dropped it down there it ain’t got no money in it any more. Right?”
“Yeah sure. Right. It was stupid and careless of me to lose it.”
“You were drinking too fast.”
“Yeah. I suppose I was.”
“And you were talking too much as well.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“You and your motor-mouth mates. I heard you, all talking too loud after you’d had three beers. Going on about mountains and snow and all that stuff. Full of yourselves you were, weren’t ya?”
“Well yeah. That was the point, to a degree. We’re all into extreme sports and it was a night to get together and catch up. Compare what kind of crazy things each of us have been doing. We’re all committed to pushing the envelope.”
“Like climbing up mountains you can drive up on the other side.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“I’ve seen it on TV. People all dressed up taking all day to clamber up the face of a huge rock, and when they finally get to the top there’s a movie crew already there.”
“Well, I suppose so. In some cases, if you want to look at it like that.”
“Or jumping off bridges tied to rubber bands, pretending that it’s dangerous.”
“Pretending? You ever tried it?”
“Cause I‘ve never tried it. But yeah, pretending!”
“So what’s pretending about leaping off a 70 meter bridge above a rocky canyon filled with a boulder strewn roaring river?”
“You make it sound so… ‘death-defying’! Know anyone who ever died doing bungee jumping? Come on! The only jerk on the end of the rope is the one paying all the bucks.”
“I suppose so.” I said, wondering what I was doing in the conversation anyway, “If you look at it like that.”
“And what was it that you where so proud of doing? Canoeing through the wilderness somewhere wasn’t it, Tasmania, if I heard right.”
“That’s right, I did. Twelve days kayaking a wild river without sighting another human being. It was fabulous.”
“And I suppose you had a phone in a plastic bag in your pocket as well, so if your Mum didn’t hear from you every day there’d be helicopters up looking.”
“OK. I get your point. Now can I have my wallet, please.”
“Yeah, hang on a minute. When you came in here two minutes ago you were all pleases and thankyous just hoping to locate that wallet. Now you’re hurrying me up while I’m doing my legitimate line of work.”
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to.” I said, stepping back out of the way of the mops curved horizontal trajectory which seemed to have picked up a slightly aggressive edge; if it’s possible to imagine an edge on a soggy mop.
“You were just annoying me a bit with your put-downs. The world is becoming such a sterile overbuilt and over-regulated place young guys like us need to get out and find some adventure and take a few risks just to know we are still alive. Most people are just too timid and safety-obsessed to get out of their comfort zones. If you’re not on the edge you’re taking up too much space!”
The guy inspected me smugly while his mop kept going left, then right and then left again.
“You know how much you had in your wallet?”
“You already said there wasn’t anything.”
“True. But there was forty seven dollars.”
“OK?”
“Know what I did with that forty seven dollars?”
“Uh, No. Should I?”
“Maybe. Anyways I‘m going to tell you.”
“OK.”
“You see, there’s this not-too-bad looking chicky-babe been coming in here for the last few months. Seems like she has a bit of a drug problem.”
“Uh Uh. Don’t tell me you gave it to her to buy drugs!”
“No don’t worry. I’m not that much of a good Samaritan. I knew she’d be hanging out, and I hadn’t seen the bloke she was with for a couple of weeks, so I thought I’d go up to her place. Just lives a few doors down,” pointing with his eyes, ”upstairs of Wilsons. Thought I’d go and see what I could get for a big forty seven dollars.”
“What do you mean? Get what for forty seven dollars? You into drugs as well?”, I asked naively.
“Well, that’s what I was wondering too. But definitely thinking about something in the human relationships department. You know. A bit of the horizontal dancing, you might say.”
“Oh well, I’m glad that my money went to a good cause.”
“Oh it did young fella. It did. Though remember it wasn’t yours once it hit the floor, okay.”
“OK.”
“But when I knocked on the door she wasn’t really that glad to see me. Maybe she was hoping it was someone else with some gear, even though she recognized me straight away from the shop. A bit ugly I think she thought of me. A bit ugly and not really up to the scratch of the fellas she’d been used to mixing it with in her better
days. But these ain't her better days, as I reminded her gently, and the hungry way she looked at the forty seven dollars gave me the feeling that I was ‘bout due for some human relations, as I mentioned before.”
I just wanted my wallet but to do so I felt I had to ask, “So did you? Did it happen?” Not that I wanted or needed to know.
“Yes indeed it did. But not quite how I’d expected. I was thinking a blowjob was on the cards but she had the flu so that was out, according to her, yet once I saw her shirt coming off I was ready for anything.
She must’ve been a real beauty, and not that long ago either. Tits are a bit saggy now, and she’s a bit bony from the smak, but still pretty nice. The way she was straightforward in taking off her pants showed me it was nothing new to her; to have to fuck for a fix.”
“Too much information.” I thought to myself. “And?” I said.
“Got a condom?” she’d asked, but because I didn’t have a rubber and she reckoned the only thing she needed less than another abortion was a kid that looked like me, she insisted on taking it up the arse.”
I’d been standing there taking a good long look at the shiny floor, trying to be both polite and patient, but the mental image of that scruffy loser having anal sex with a fading strung-out junky was just something I hadn’t planned on entertaining.
“OK. Thanks for everything but can I have my wallet now. I have to be somewhere very soon.”
“Sure, young fella. He said leaning the mop up against a booth and walking around behind the counter, opening a draw to recover the wallet.”
“Thanks again, Mate.” I said sincerely, but really looking forward to being out of there.
“Just one thing first. He asked while holding the wallet where I could see it. How much did it cost you for that trip to Tassi?”.
“Everything I’d saved.”
“How much was that?”
“A couple of grand, if you must know.”
“OK, I can see you’re in a hurry. Here’s your wallet, but next time you’re dressing up in your fluero jumpsuit remember that for forty-seven dollars I did something ten times more dangerous than you or your bum-fluff buddies’ll ever do!”
EXTREME SPORT
I’d felt like a complete dork when I’d realized I’d lost my wallet again. What a disaster! Not the money so much, that was the least of my worries, but my license and all of my cards and contacts!
My head was still fuzzy from the late night and too enthusiastic intake of alcohol but it had been a special occasion, a reunion with my good- time buddies, dudes as crazy as me who were prepared to push the envelope and put themselves out on a limb. To take a few risks!
It was a get-together to hear what they’d been doing: see some photos: provide them with a graphic description of my latest adventure.
And it had all gone so well; “except now I’ve got major troubles if I don’t find that wallet!”
By the time I’d downed a cup of coffee I’d figured out the most likely place I could’ve lost it was in that crappy bistro near the station where we’d all met up. I’d bought and paid for a couple of rounds early in the evening but then Tony’d insisted on paying for dinner and the taxi back to my place. It must have been there, but would anyone be honest enough to hand it in? It was worth a try. “The fact there wasn’t much money in it might help”, I thought as I slipped out the door.
The bistro was still shut when I got there about 9 but I pressed my face to the glass and could see a guy in grey bib-and-brace overalls mopping the floor just inside the door. I tapped on the glass several times before he glanced up from his work and responded to my friendly waving silhouette by opening up.
“Wadya want? He asked impatiently.
The hare-lip wasn’t the only tragic thing about his face, so I started to very politely explain that I had misplaced my wallet the previous evening.
“Was it leather?” he asked.
“Yes, it was.”
“A brown one?”
“Yeah, light brown, tan really.”
“Bout yey big?”, he asked making a square shape about the size of a slice of bread with his hands and fingers.
“Yeah! Standard kind of size. Bout that.”
“Haven’t seen it.” He said turning away to continue mopping the floor.
“What?!” I asked more to myself than anyone else. Haven’t seen it? I said more evenly, “Well, what are you talking about then?”
He stopped mopping and looked at me. “Only kiddin’ young fella.” He said. “Don’t go getting your knickers in a knot“, he said chuckling just a little bit but moving his chest up and down like he was really guffawing.
“Uh. Excuse me? Do you have my wallet; or not.”
“Yeah. I got it. It’s behind the counter. Just give me a second and I’ll get it for you.”
“Wow! That’s great. That’s fantastic.” I said, stepping inside the door. “Thanks a lot. I was really worried cause I wasn’t sure where I’d left it, and all my cards and stuff are in it. It’s really nice of you. Not everyone is as honest these days.”
“You’re lucky.” he said scratching his whiskered cheek. “Sometimes I’m honest, and sometimes I’m not so honest.”
“You can keep the money.” I assured him. “Kind of like a reward. I’m really grateful just to get the wallet and papers back.”
“Ain’t no money in it”, he said looking up, a bit challengingly.”
“Yeah. There was probably fifty bucks in it.”
“Think so, do ya?” looking at me so I could see the tip of his tongue. “Well there ain’t none now. And anyway you said I could keep the money.”
“Yeah OK, that’s fine. But I was sure there was some money in it last night.”
“Yeah, of course there might have been young fella. Except you were being a bit irresponsible weren’t ya. A bit careless. And you dropped it down under the bench there.” Nodding, and pointing with his nose.
“Is where I found it. So when you dropped it down there it ain’t got no money in it any more. Right?”
“Yeah sure. Right. It was stupid and careless of me to lose it.”
“You were drinking too fast.”
“Yeah. I suppose I was.”
“And you were talking too much as well.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“You and your motor-mouth mates. I heard you, all talking too loud after you’d had three beers. Going on about mountains and snow and all that stuff. Full of yourselves you were, weren’t ya?”
“Well yeah. That was the point, to a degree. We’re all into extreme sports and it was a night to get together and catch up. Compare what kind of crazy things each of us have been doing. We’re all committed to pushing the envelope.”
“Like climbing up mountains you can drive up on the other side.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“I’ve seen it on TV. People all dressed up taking all day to clamber up the face of a huge rock, and when they finally get to the top there’s a movie crew already there.”
“Well, I suppose so. In some cases, if you want to look at it like that.”
“Or jumping off bridges tied to rubber bands, pretending that it’s dangerous.”
“Pretending? You ever tried it?”
“Cause I‘ve never tried it. But yeah, pretending!”
“So what’s pretending about leaping off a 70 meter bridge above a rocky canyon filled with a boulder strewn roaring river?”
“You make it sound so… ‘death-defying’! Know anyone who ever died doing bungee jumping? Come on! The only jerk on the end of the rope is the one paying all the bucks.”
“I suppose so.” I said, wondering what I was doing in the conversation anyway, “If you look at it like that.”
“And what was it that you where so proud of doing? Canoeing through the wilderness somewhere wasn’t it, Tasmania, if I heard right.”
“That’s right, I did. Twelve days kayaking a wild river without sighting another human being. It was fabulous.”
“And I suppose you had a phone in a plastic bag in your pocket as well, so if your Mum didn’t hear from you every day there’d be helicopters up looking.”
“OK. I get your point. Now can I have my wallet, please.”
“Yeah, hang on a minute. When you came in here two minutes ago you were all pleases and thankyous just hoping to locate that wallet. Now you’re hurrying me up while I’m doing my legitimate line of work.”
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to.” I said, stepping back out of the way of the mops curved horizontal trajectory which seemed to have picked up a slightly aggressive edge; if it’s possible to imagine an edge on a soggy mop.
“You were just annoying me a bit with your put-downs. The world is becoming such a sterile overbuilt and over-regulated place young guys like us need to get out and find some adventure and take a few risks just to know we are still alive. Most people are just too timid and safety-obsessed to get out of their comfort zones. If you’re not on the edge you’re taking up too much space!”
The guy inspected me smugly while his mop kept going left, then right and then left again.
“You know how much you had in your wallet?”
“You already said there wasn’t anything.”
“True. But there was forty seven dollars.”
“OK?”
“Know what I did with that forty seven dollars?”
“Uh, No. Should I?”
“Maybe. Anyways I‘m going to tell you.”
“OK.”
“You see, there’s this not-too-bad looking chicky-babe been coming in here for the last few months. Seems like she has a bit of a drug problem.”
“Uh Uh. Don’t tell me you gave it to her to buy drugs!”
“No don’t worry. I’m not that much of a good Samaritan. I knew she’d be hanging out, and I hadn’t seen the bloke she was with for a couple of weeks, so I thought I’d go up to her place. Just lives a few doors down,” pointing with his eyes, ”upstairs of Wilsons. Thought I’d go and see what I could get for a big forty seven dollars.”
“What do you mean? Get what for forty seven dollars? You into drugs as well?”, I asked naively.
“Well, that’s what I was wondering too. But definitely thinking about something in the human relationships department. You know. A bit of the horizontal dancing, you might say.”
“Oh well, I’m glad that my money went to a good cause.”
“Oh it did young fella. It did. Though remember it wasn’t yours once it hit the floor, okay.”
“OK.”
“But when I knocked on the door she wasn’t really that glad to see me. Maybe she was hoping it was someone else with some gear, even though she recognized me straight away from the shop. A bit ugly I think she thought of me. A bit ugly and not really up to the scratch of the fellas she’d been used to mixing it with in her better
days. But these ain't her better days, as I reminded her gently, and the hungry way she looked at the forty seven dollars gave me the feeling that I was ‘bout due for some human relations, as I mentioned before.”
I just wanted my wallet but to do so I felt I had to ask, “So did you? Did it happen?” Not that I wanted or needed to know.
“Yes indeed it did. But not quite how I’d expected. I was thinking a blowjob was on the cards but she had the flu so that was out, according to her, yet once I saw her shirt coming off I was ready for anything.
She must’ve been a real beauty, and not that long ago either. Tits are a bit saggy now, and she’s a bit bony from the smak, but still pretty nice. The way she was straightforward in taking off her pants showed me it was nothing new to her; to have to fuck for a fix.”
“Too much information.” I thought to myself. “And?” I said.
“Got a condom?” she’d asked, but because I didn’t have a rubber and she reckoned the only thing she needed less than another abortion was a kid that looked like me, she insisted on taking it up the arse.”
I’d been standing there taking a good long look at the shiny floor, trying to be both polite and patient, but the mental image of that scruffy loser having anal sex with a fading strung-out junky was just something I hadn’t planned on entertaining.
“OK. Thanks for everything but can I have my wallet now. I have to be somewhere very soon.”
“Sure, young fella. He said leaning the mop up against a booth and walking around behind the counter, opening a draw to recover the wallet.”
“Thanks again, Mate.” I said sincerely, but really looking forward to being out of there.
“Just one thing first. He asked while holding the wallet where I could see it. How much did it cost you for that trip to Tassi?”.
“Everything I’d saved.”
“How much was that?”
“A couple of grand, if you must know.”
“OK, I can see you’re in a hurry. Here’s your wallet, but next time you’re dressing up in your fluero jumpsuit remember that for forty-seven dollars I did something ten times more dangerous than you or your bum-fluff buddies’ll ever do!”
CUPIDS BOW
The jungle pulsed monotonous sounds white we all slept. I dreamt an awful dream.
One true love comes in each existence and for me she had been mine for many years. Our daughter was the love we shared, our wonder, our perfect little angel of whom we thought most dear and who conditioned all our actions for her better life to be. But while I slept I dreamt that awful dream, I saw my love so intimately known. She lay seductively upon a velvet suite, more vivid for the fortnight parted. I missed her touch, her voice and laughter, and had that very day cursed loud the mud, the swamp, and stupidity.
All I wished for was to be at home, with my family, with my two girls I loved much more than life itself. And in that dream I moved toward my lover as she watched across her shoulder my advance, but neither did she warmly call me on, nor quiver. Oh no! she turned a darkening shade of darkness and bared her teeth and was the very picture of repulsion and grew sharp spines protruding from her back which pressed beneath her skin until it stretched to almost bursting and it was more horrifying than words can adequately convey.
I awoke in shock and sat upright with eyes stretched wide to see upon the moon-stained wall the image still. Turning to the shadows, like static it hovered in the air before me, a glaring form more like an awful lizard. A pulsing, brooding, tortured picture which stayed before my eyes till mornings light brought on distractions of the day. An ominous feeling was jammed into me like a spear-head, “what meant this message in a nightmare?”