As a fairly new member of Gather, I had yet to publish something (even though a friend of mine has been urging me to for awhile now). Seems as though I have found something that I really felt like discussing: adoption, or more specifically, being adopted.
My parents adopted two boys and two girls (including yours truly), from different backgrounds and I have seen and felt the effects of adoption on a family, some good, some not-so-good. Without going into details, it is my wish to be in contact with people from all sides of the adoption process, from other adoptees, to adoptive parents and even birth parents. The reason for needing to join this group stems from a recent phone call I received from Children's Aid. They have, after a three-year search, found my birth mother, however, she is not interested in contacting me because it seems as though she never told anyone that I exist. This is quite strange to me, but I have learned to deal with such things - perhaps I have been readying myself for this my whole life. Also, I am a mother of two who has done just fine all these years without her help - my adoptive parents have done a great job bringing me up! The only problem I have is that my birth mother has had other children - and, since they are my brother(s)/sister(s), I feel that I should have the opportunity to meet them and maybe, somehow, have a relationship with them.
There. That was my article. I hope that if anyone can understand or relate or perhaps if there is a birth parent who can perhaps shed some light on that side of adoption, I would be grateful for any advice, or even information that could help.
In return, I can offer support and understanding to those who may need it.
Thanks
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Comments: 24
Would your siblings be adults now? You said your birthmother doesn't want any contact with you, but is she possibly willing to relay some information about your siblings?
I'm sorry that your birthmother would rather not be an active part of your life. I'm sure she's missing out on a lot.
You can edit your own article, and fix the title if you wish. There is an edit link under your current title you can click. If you need help with anything, or have any questions about anything, feel free to ask on either my articles or through a private message.
I'll give you a link to one of my articles. This is one I wrote a few years ago, while I was searching for birth family. The Online Adoptee's Quest
Melissa, my birthmother is not even open to any kind of contact at this point, and that is OK - I am a thirty-something adult (and yes, my adoptive siblings would be adults), and having had two children of my own, it is important for me to remain focused on my family life. However, I think I will do some searching of my own (I will most certainly use the links you provided in your article). Whether m birth mother is looking for a relationship with me or not is not something that is stopping me from living my life - my adoptive mother is one of the most amazing people I know.
Having a sibling or two with which I may be able to have a relationship is something that I feel strongly about, though. Like you explained, I would like to know where I got my eyes, my freckles, etc. (LOL)
I am sure that you and Jessica (and every other adoptee) will agree that these things seem trivial to those who cannot relate, but they are integral to putting together our own little life puzzle!
Thanks again for your comments! They are really appreciated!
gotta run to class now but I shall return :)
Let us know if you need anything or have questions. I haven't been around the "adoptee search world" in a while, but I know a good place to look for help is Yahoo groups, especially the adoption search angels. They are a wonderous help.
Melissa, I am going to Yahoo as soon as I am done here!
I'm a fine one to talk... got a paper to write ... having trouble getting started
What's your paper to be about?
It is apparent (pardon the pun) that your parents raised you well. I hope you find a way to get in touch with your sisters and brothers! Keep us informed!
Everyone, "flit" has become a good friend of mine - she has gone through more in one year than most pple go through in a lifetime...all that and keeping a straight A average...A true inspiration!!!
Thanks again to everyone for their comments!
among other problems if they don't let us out of this lecture hall soon! I should have made a ~pit stop~ before we started!
I feel that this is really not a decision that can be made by one single person - the right to an adoptee's "identifiable" information and the very basic need for a "natural" base on which to stand and that can allow one to feel "whole", is bigger than just one person, namely the birth parent. However, I can undertstand and respect your position.
Thanks for your feedback.