VIVIE AND THE COP

The disdain that Vivie held onto for cops left an acrid taste in her mouth. Since the Christmas party at town hall, they had made it a point to harass her. Regardless, the fact the party had been ten years prior.

The company Christmas party was located at the town hall and the invitation said bring your own booze. Even though it took place in a dry county, the cops overlooked alcohol brought onto the premises and left celebrators to themselves.

All was fine that night until Vivie’s sworn enemy from work decided to pick a fight. Vivie had consumed just enough tequila to jump at the chance to stomp her into a greasy spot on the floor.

Vivie had dressed to the tee that night for the special occasion. She wore a black, lace party dress, black hose, and black, spiked heels. She knew she could not tussle in her shoes or inside so she walked outdoors and sat on the steps to take off her shoes. While sitting and screaming obscenities Steve, a cop going to his car, overheard the commotion of her words and gathering people trying to calm her down. Once Steve approached, she launched into a vicious attack on him explaining she was fixing to whip a woman’s ass and he was not going to stop her. Attempting to cuff her only enraged Vivie and she tackled him rendering him helpless. Fellow coworkers pulled her away and Steve immediately called for backup. Instantly four cops came running and seized Vivie this time cuffing her wrist and ankles as she gave them the battle of their lives. It turned out to be no small undertaking for them.

Since that occurrence, whenever any of the five cops see Vivie they will pull her over for no apparent reason or follow her for miles riding her bumper. However, Steve, the cop that Vivie laid out that night performs DUI tests by making her walk the line regardless if she shows no signs of drinking.

One Friday night Vivie was watching television when she heard a horrendous crash outside her home. Dashing outside she saw where a car had crashed through a fence across the road and had came to a stop in the middle of a field.

Vivie, along with the neighbors, rushed to the driver’s aid. Vivie was a nurse and familiar with how to aid the driver. She had sustained injuries to her head, neck, and back and could not be moved. Vivie stayed with her holding her hand until help would arrive.

The paramedics rolled up minutes before the police appeared and were already taking care of the driver when Vivie’s good friend Steve arrived on the scene. Vivie paced across the field that she had played in all her life, clambered over the barbed wire fence, and scuttled through the brush covering a sizeable ditch. Being first at the accident, she knew her information would be notable

“Hi, Steve. I came to tell ya what I knew.”

The crowd had swelled as passersby stopped to offer their help. Steve ignored Vivie, turned to the person standing beside her, and asked, “Did you see what happened?”

“Uh, no, I just stopped to see if anyone needed any help? Where is the accident anyways?”

“Yoo-hoo, I’m standing right here. Ah, yes I believe I was first on the scene. That would be me,” Vivie said as she motioned to herself.

Continuing to ignore her Steve said, “Well, I guess I better go check on the driver.”

As he stepped toward the dense brush covering the ditch that Vivie was all too familiar with she said, “Watch out for that…,” but it was too late. Steve had disappeared completely into a gaping hole that lay in the middle of the ditch. Struggling underneath the brush you could hear him cussing and finally out popped his head. All you could see was his two grapefruit eyes shining brightly in the dark of the night. They darted around quickly searching to see who had witnessed his humiliation. Vivie tried to control her laughter but could not contain it as she blurted, “I tried to tell you.”

Hands extended to hall his chunky body from the hole but his pride would not let him accept. He wiggled and squirmed trying to pull himself up as Vivie’s roar increased in volume. As he managed to pull himself out, he crawled on all fours before he could stand up. Then like a chubby Barney Fyffe, he tugged his pants toward his chest, straightened his gun belt, and patted his guns on their sides. By this time Vivie’s laughter had become contagious and other onlookers were sniggering too.

Steve puffed his chest out and threw his shoulders back pretending nothing happened and in a proud tone asked, “Is there any other way into the field?” The crowd looked among each other clueless. Vivie then posed arrogantly with her arms crossed at her chest and a confident smile on her face. Steve glanced around the crowd and then with head hung low he mumbled, “Vivie do you know another way?”

“What? Excuse me are you talking to me?” Vivie asked.

“Uh, yeah,” Steve said.

“What’s the magic word, Steve?” she asked.

“Please?”

“Are you kidding me? Nope that’s not it. Let me help you out. I am…,” she said leaving him to complete the sentence.

“SORRY! Ok, are you happy now? How can I get in damn it?” he said with frustration.

Vivie once again snorted with laughter. She held up her arm and pointed to a gate a mere five feet away.

Vivie had finally evened the score.