Death........to know or not to know.

Perhaps a strange sounding title, because if you know any other way out of this world, please let me know. It is the inevitable moment of departure, filled with sorrow and grief. Whether sudden, unexpected, or from a lingering illness, death is not a pleasant subject or event.

I would like to share some feelings when death becomes "predictable" ... there is no other alternative. In between the anguish, there is time for living. It surfaces in the form of a "terminal" diagnosis. It seems the typical statement gives a patient one year or less to live. Period. While not definitive or specific, one now knows that death is coming. If announced, this word will produce a tremendous amount of shock, sorrow, and grief thrust into your life in just minutes. "Why?" becomes a big question.

My mother was a very independent person, usually sharing and helping others, not one to expound about her own problems. The usual senior discussions about all their aches and pains was not her style. At age 85, she was still on the go. Involved in the Moose, president of the Senior Center, still driving, and with a companion, liked to go out dancing 2 or 3 times a week.

One day it was obvious that mom was experiencing some discomfort in her lower abdomen,and said that maybe it was time to go to the doctor for a checkup. This was simple enough. The doctor suggested possible gall bladder blockage problems, which could easilly be handled by tubes and scopes......a non-invasive surgery procedure.
The date was set, and while simple enough, I thought it best to be there, along with an Aunt and her companion friend. Typical chit chat ensued while we waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. More than a few hours gave rise to concern. What other problems can be associated with a gall bladder?
Finally the surgeon came out, but he escorted us into a small room. Now what? Purely professional, but quite blunt and to the point, came the news. Pancreatic Cancer!!Advanced and spreading. I think Mestastic is the word. He had removed what they could, but the cancer was already doing its evil destruction elsewhere.

Diagnosis - TERMINAL.

You can't describe the feeling and shock and emotions when you hear that word. No, not her, you're wrong. There's got to be something you can do. The mind and body went numb. While mom was trying to endure the pain of the cancer and now the surgery. And there's nothing you can do to help.

Jumping ahead, she came home. With the diagnosis, other siblings from around the world all arranged to come home also. Mom was in pretty good spirits, and I think this attitude helped us accept the fact that death was coming. In just a short week, a lot of personal and family conversation took place. Not the typical joking remarks people make about death and their estate. The situation is real, and makes your emotions different. The "what if" has turned into a "when".

Avoiding more rambling, the positive situations finally turned negative. Mom only lasted 3 months, and died at home on Sep 4, 2:22 am. I was with her at the time. A very traumatic moment, but now glad that we were together.

Thank you for listening. But how does this relate to the topic of this post? Via the word "terminal", or knowing that death is coming. At first there is denial. But if you accept the fact, which is not easy by any means, you will find this time to be more personally rewarding and productive. How many people have walked out of their homes, never to return? A phone call or knock at the door announces the terrible news. Someone is dead, and loved ones never had the real opportunity to say "goodbye". For a terminally ill patient, you have this chance to share your love. Use the time wisely. We have no choices in death, and any death is painful. Looking back, I am thankful that God granted this particular loved one the chance for us to be together and enjoy some very special final moments.

Unfortunately, a test of my opinion repeated itself. Exactly one year after my mother's operation, I received a phone call that my brother just had emergency surgery. Discovery? Brain Cancer. Diagnosis? Terminal. It was not possible to share as much time with him due to a long distance, yet much more gratifying to use the time wisely.

I am not a writer, and hope I was able to present the story and question in a suitable manner.

Have you ever encountered the word Terminal? What are your feelings regarding "knowing" vs "not knowing"death?