A Typical Day in Coupon Land (or how I lost my...

I anxiously glance at the clock; it's 7:45. Only 5 more minutes and I can leave. The first store I'm going to hit opens at eight, so I have to leave at 7:50. If I drive 50 miles an hour and have a good tail wind, I can be the first customer in the door. It's time!

I grab my purse, my keys and the coupons and list I spent 2 hours getting ready. (I don't have to grab my sanity, I left that at the door along time ago). Out on the road, I tell people to get out of my way and wipe my sweaty palms on my pants leg at a light. I keep repeating my mantra in my head-

"If they're out of it when I get there I didn't need it anyway. If they're out of it when I get there I didn't need it anyway."

Yeah right. If this light doesn't hurry up and change I'm going to run over the old lady in the car in front of me. Oh no! What if she's heading to the same store I am? She might be after the same stuff I have coupons for! Well, I can bet you when this light changes I'll go around her. Yes! It changed! I zoom around her in the other lane and smirk at her in my rearview mirror. Eat that, grandma! You won't get there before I do!

I get there and the store isn't open yet. Darn! I feel like beating my hands on the door shouting "open! Open! Open!" I don't though. I stand pleasantly outside the door and wait. Come on, people, you were supposed to open 30 seconds ago. Let me in before somebody else gets here!

Oh boy, they're coming my way! I feel my heart speed up and my adrenaline starts flowing. Ha! I'm the first customer! I'm first, I'm first!!! I grab my buggy and take off down the aisles. I have to beat everybody to the stuff. Grab and run. Grab and run. Go get my razor (I already have 50 at home, but it's on sale and I have a coupon. You never know when you'll be called on to shave Bigfoot!)

Wow, I got $14.00 worth of stuff and only paid 67 cents! What a rush! I feel like doing a little dance on the way to the car. I don't though. People already think I'm crazy, I don't want them to think I'm nuts too!

I head to the second store and I'm a little calmer. I got my fix, so I can slow down a little. (not too much, because I know right now there's 50 people heading for the same tube of foot cream that I'm heading for!)

I pull in the parking lot. Hey, somebody's in my regular spot! I actually get a little miffed. The nerve of some people; this is my day! I start shopping with a little trepidation; sometimes the cashiers in this store gives me problems. Especially one prune faced woman! I need to bring her a coupon for some hair dye, that red she's using now looks like she handed her great grandchildren a magic marker and told them to have at it. Maybe some laxative coupons too. Maybe then she wouldn't be so sour all the time!

No problems today, wow! I'm really feeling good now, the juices are flowing, I'm loose and limber. Time to head to the last store. Only one thing to pick up there. I'll be in and out and home.

Get in the store, grab my item and then I see it, the holy grail, a pad of coupons. With those I can get free spaghetti sauce at another store. I take a few and look around nervously; nobody's nearby ,I'll take a few more. That's when I hear it, a little voice.

"Take us a-a-allll. You know you want toooo. We're lonely, don't leave usssss."

Well, far be it from me to disappoint a coupon! They don't talk often, you know, and when they do I listen!