by Cherri K.
Member since:
July 19, 2007

Advice Please

October 03, 2007 11:26 PM EDT
views: 40 | comments: 18

Hello everyone. I am writing this in hopes that I could maybe get some advice. I had a long chat with my friend Colette tonight. Her and I go way back, we were college roommates, and best friends for a long time. We hit a really bad spot, and just over the last year, we started to talk again when she moved back to Milwaukee.

 We were talking, and she stated that she is afraid that she's never going to meet a guy. (All of us single gals have that issue at least 40 million times in our lives.)  She had been talking to a guy at work, and realized that it wasn't going to go where she wanted to.

So I started to suggest a few things as to where she could go to meet guys. She shot down the internet right away, because she stated that she trusts absolutely NO ONE on the internet. (I pointed out, realistically, you can't trust anyone you meet in real life half the time!)  And she wasn't willing to budge on the idea. My argument is that you can always start talking to people, meet them, and then make the judgement on if it's going to amount to anything or not.

 She wasn't buying that at all. But then we got to talking about other ways to meet people. And she shot me down on all of them. From looking to see if there are any groups that she would be interested in, or if there were any classes she'd be interested in taking, but none of them were anything she'd be interested in.

But then it really got me thinking, what can a single girl do to meet someone, that doesn't involve the internet or hanging out in bars? Where can we  go to meet people?  I guess in the big picture, it doesn't even have to meet men, but to meet people in general?

I'm new to this area, and I haven't met anyone. Except for those that I work with now, I started a part time job at a massage school (that should help me meet some interesting people, don't you think?), I volunteer for the writing center in SLC, and will be starting writing coaching soon. But  really, where else can I go to meet people? I don't drink. I'm not into the concert scene like I used to be.  And money is an object that stands in the way of doing too much.

 

Any suggestions?  

 

 

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Comments: 18

April H. Oct 3, 2007, 11:31pm EDT
Church/ volunteer in different orgs
David K. Oct 3, 2007, 11:32pm EDT
Do things you like to do, with people that like to do them. You'll meet lots of people who like similar things as you, and even if you don't, you'll enjoy your life! Enjoy life always, people will follow a happy person.
Kathy D. Oct 3, 2007, 11:34pm EDT
If she's shooting down all of these ideas, then she must not want to meet anyone THAT badly.
Mel B. Oct 3, 2007, 11:35pm EDT
Parks, coffee houses. I have met some really wonderful people in coffee houses..
Jae F. Oct 3, 2007, 11:44pm EDT
Whatever she enjoys doing, there are probably men who enjoy doing the same thing, maybe at the same places.
Cherri K. Oct 3, 2007, 11:45pm EDT
Coffee houses, now that's the place I love to hang out. But the only place I've got is Starbucks.... I miss the diners of Milwaukee.

You're right Kathy, that same thought crossed my mind too.

David, good advice, and I believe that's true.

She did mention volunteering, April. I encouraged her to do that, I hope she will give it a try.

And thanks for your good advice, too Isabel. I admit that I sometimes try to hard, and things do tend to come together when it's not forced.

You all gave good advice, thanks so much for sharing your insight. It's most appreciated :)
Cherri K. Oct 3, 2007, 11:46pm EDT
I agree Jae. I was trying to talk her into finding a group for hockey. She's a huge hockey fan. Last I heard, guys liked that too. : ) Thanks.
Sandi G. Oct 4, 2007, 12:36am EDT
Doesn't Milwaukee have an NHL team? The Admirals, I think. Does she have a girlfriend that would go to games with her? She might not be into joining a hockey group, but how can a real hockey fan stay away from professional hockey games right there in their own town? I used to drive from Tucson to Phoenix a few times a year just to see the Coyotes play. She will meet a ton of guys at a hockey game and if she goes to several she will meet even more, who are all into the same sport. Sounds like that might be something she might be willing to try. I have to agree with Kathy that she seems to sound a bit defeatist and unwilling to try anything outside of her comfort zone. Just a thought :)
Cherri K. Oct 4, 2007, 12:55am EDT
Actually, she doesn't have many friends outside of her job at all there. And my friends that are still there aren't one of her biggest fans because of the stuff that went down with her a few years back. (Long story. I'll spare you the details. And people just never understood how I could even befriend her again. History, I guess.)

But that's besides the point, I agree with you Sandi. I'd like to see her get into going to a few games. It's not that far, and they are a good team.

Thanks for the input :) Much appreciated! :)
James Ciriaco Oct 4, 2007, 10:34am EDT
I don't have much to add here; I'll just reiterate that going too far out of your way to meet people probably isn't a good recipe for a long-term romance. You might meet more men, but if you're out of your element and pretending an interest that you don't /really/ have, then there won't be any basis for an enduring relationship.
Cherri K. Oct 4, 2007, 11:26am EDT
I have to agree, deception's never a good thing to start ANY relationship with. Thanks for the comment! :)
Cherri K. Oct 4, 2007, 12:12pm EDT
Thank you, that's been my point all along. I've known her for over 15 years (GEEZ, that just made me feel old!) And I guess it's hard to help someone change if they really don't want to. I made that point last night, about her interests, and she said that she doesn't have any. I admit that I was getting frustrated with her about that, with all there is to do in the world, none of it interests her? I have the complete opposite problem, everything interests me, and I just don't have enough time in my days to attack it all : ) Thanks for the comment! :)
Jaime R. Oct 4, 2007, 2:35pm EDT
Well as you read in my story(and thanks for the nice comment) I joined a dating service - and it was expensive but I got a deal maybe she could too - And the service i joned did do criminal background checks -that was one of the major selling points for me!
Sharon C. Oct 4, 2007, 7:22pm EDT
I think your friend is shooting down ideas because it has become a scary world. You never know who you will meet in any situation. My sister is just like that. She thinks any guy could turn out to be a serial killer. I laughed, but you never really know. I wish there were secure places to meet people that we could assure ourselves that they are decent human beings. I can't talk though. I've been dating my good friends ex husband the last five years and she is the one who got us together and kept us together the first year. Sorry, but there are not many friends who would do that for you. Somedays i really appreciate it too
Claire C. Oct 5, 2007, 12:17am EDT
You can meet people everywhere you go if you are open to them. I understand her not being trusting, but closing herself off won't help. Besides, everything happens for a reason and Mr. Right will show up when he is ready.

Thank you for coming by and reading Fate and Destiny!
Elsie Duggan Oct 5, 2007, 11:18pm EDT
Go grocery shopping a lot of single guys are shopping alone too, And about internet dating, my daughter met her husband on the internet, agreed to meet only for friendship during the day at a crowded place, had lunch a couple times, fell in love, were married, and she was the happiest she had ever been in her life. Sad to say, he is now her widower, but after seven years, he still sees and calls me and her kids, so hey, you never know, just be careful if you put up an ad, not to give too much information and just ask for companionship. That is all both wanted, but it turned out well for them, and now for me, I have a piece of here you may have read, Tracey's Gift to me, it is about him. from the internet.
Cherri K. Oct 6, 2007, 11:46pm EDT
I'll be honest with you Elsie, the internet is not someplace that I'm trying to meet men on. My last relationship was with someone that I met via the internet, and though it was a rather defining relationship in my life, I don't know that I'm about jumping in head first. Maybe that's part of the reason that Colette doesn't want to jump into the internet dating, because she seen how bad I got messed up by Kevin. Thing is, even I know that not everyone is like him. Maybe I'm just not ready to get back on the horse :) In the big picture, I know that's my problem. I really just don't think I'm ready for another one. I say I am, but when I sit and really think about it, I know I'm not ready. I'm still a jumbled mess, and no one's ready to deal with me yet.! : )

I actually plan on sharing this article with Colette, I hope she takes ALL of your thoughts into consideration, and comes up with something. That would be nice, wouldn't it?

Thank you, each and everyone of you, for contributing to this article. I appreciate it GREATLY! :)
Barbara Hart Jun 10, 2009, 10:22am EDT

To be honest with you it is easy to do any or all of the thing's that you all have suggested, but even if you should it doesn't ensure that you'll meet anyone or vise-versal. I went out in hope's to meet someone, mostly what they wanted was a b....c.. A lot of the men were looking for the older women, the one's that could take care of them. She should take this time to learn self love, give it time and it will happen when isn't even looking. Sometime's it's a good thing to be alone, because you can do some of the thing's that you want to without having to answer to anyone. She will meet someone when the time is right.

Barbara

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