Someplace Tropical Part Three

July 11 - PM

My work day sucked, and I was glad to be going home for the night. I made more mistakes in today alone, than I did in the last six months. I couldn't focus though. My mind was on Johnny, and it was killing me. I wish I could explain it, but ... It was as if I was empty all of a sudden. Like a part of me had been removed.

I didn't get it. I just didn't get it. Why now, after four years, was I feeling this way? Could it be that I hadn't had a decent male friend since him? Could it be that I didn't have any sort of romance in my life since him either? Not that he was ever really romantic, but it was those little gestures that I realize that I had missed the most. The showing up at work, with a daisy, and note that was simply put, "I love you, Buttercup."  The waking up on a Saturday morning to notes. It was a scavenger hunt, and in the end he was sitting at the park with a picnic basket. He was spontaneous, and crazy, and I realized... I missed that most of all.

I sat down on my couch, and turned on the tv. I hadn't watched tv in a few days, and it was on the Travel channel with it came on. And of all shows to be showing, it was about the Bahamas. What in the hell is the world trying to tell me?