by j - Frugal Mom - r.
Member since:
March 28, 2007

Transcript of Live Chat with Debi Silber from Gather's Resolutions Dream Team

January 07, 2009 07:26 AM EST (Updated: January 07, 2009 08:41 PM EST)
views: 187 | comments: 138

 

 

I would like to invite all of you to join me tonight in a chat with Life, Mind & Body Coach Debi Silber. She specializes in helping moms juggle their time and sanity, and I am sure that there are some of you, who could need a little coaching, I could definitely need a few tips.


 

The chat will take place tonight here at this post from 7:30 -8:30 p.m. ET.

 

 


Debi Silber (Life,Mind, and Body Coach) Debi is a Registered Dietitian with a Master's degree in Nutrition, a Personal Trainer, Whole Health Coach, Lifestyle Expert-just for moms, speaker, President of Lifestyle Fitness, Inc. and author. For nearly 20 years, Debi (the Mojo Coach) has inspired unfit, overweight and overwhelmed moms to "get their mojo back" through gradual lifestyle change. Debi is a featured expert on numerous websites, a popular radio guest, often quoted in print and online magazines, was recently featured as a successful "career-at-home-mom" in a new book and serves as a student mentor for the National Institute of Whole Health; the most highly accredited and widely respected Whole Health Coaching program in the U.S. Debi has been a regular contributor here on Gather.

 

This chat will take place in the RESOLUTIONS 2009 group. If you can't make it for the chat, we encourage you to leave questions for our dream team in the comment area of this post. And we also want to hear about your resolutions for the upcoming year!

 

 

Debi Silber has been a Gather member since May 2007, and she has posted several Gather posts about weightloss and parent sanity. You can take a look at her posts at http://debisilber.gather.com/.

 

 

 

How To Join The Chat:

All you need to do is type your question in the comment box below (if you're not already a member, you will need to Join Gather in order to post a question).



To see others' questions and our responses in real time, simply hit the refresh button on your browser. You'll need to refresh your page continuously to see each new comment.

 
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Comments: 138

Candy S. Jan 7, 2009, 8:47am EST
I will try to be there
J W. Jan 7, 2009, 10:07am EST
will try to be there
B F. Jan 7, 2009, 10:36am EST
Will try to make it...
Dagmara H. Jan 7, 2009, 11:22am EST
sounds interesting
Connie C. Jan 7, 2009, 1:02pm EST
J,
I am really sorry but I will not be able to make it. I am not feeling well today and I called the Dr. He wants to see me in 1/2 hour. I am sure that means pain meds again. Sorry.
Jessica S. Jan 7, 2009, 3:37pm EST
i don't have time to write thoughtful replies this afternoon, but i wanted to make sure to pay it forward by at least contributing to your points today. :) have a great day! ?
danielle silber Jan 7, 2009, 3:45pm EST
i am definetly going to be able to make the chat! It sounds quite intersting
Susan Budig Jan 7, 2009, 4:14pm EST
Q. Please list some signs of OCD, not in a clinical way, but more along the lines of, "My goal is to do 100 sit-ups a day so to heck with the crying baby and overboiling stew, I'm doing those sit-ups."

I guess a clearer picture of *balance* would be helpful.

btw, sit-ups are not my goal.
Karen G. Jan 7, 2009, 5:28pm EST
sounds good to me
P S. Jan 7, 2009, 6:23pm EST
I'm not sure if I can make it.

I would like some suggestions from Debi as to how to find time to exercise as a working mom with three kids at home and a home to take care of.
Elizabeth V. Jan 7, 2009, 7:20pm EST
I have a suggestion before the chat starts, P.S.: get up at 5 a.m. That's what I do. I get up, work out for 20 minutes, then get ready for work.

I can't stay for the chat. My back hurts too much. My daily workouts are just for this reason: to avoid horrid backaches.
Jenn P. Jan 7, 2009, 7:26pm EST
soiunds like a great chat
Bridget ♥ Jan 7, 2009, 7:27pm EST
Looks like I'm a little early!
Jenn P. Jan 7, 2009, 7:27pm EST
Sorry I can't stay.. as I gotta do bathtime with the kids and put them to bed... a mommy's job is never done lol
Jenn P. Jan 7, 2009, 7:28pm EST
I would like to know what are some good healthy snacks for kids lunches :)
j - Frugal Mom - r. Jan 7, 2009, 7:30pm EST
Hi Gather friends

Thank you for stopping by, Debi will be here any minute now.
.* Sandi * Jan 7, 2009, 7:30pm EST
hi
debi silber Jan 7, 2009, 7:31pm EST
Hi everyone! Thanks so much for having me. Are you ready? It's probably best to have a piece of paper and pen handy in case you want to jot down a few things. So, if we're all set, let's go!
j - Frugal Mom - r. Jan 7, 2009, 7:31pm EST
Hi Sandi, welcome to the chat. Do you have any questions for Debi Silber?
.* Sandi * Jan 7, 2009, 7:31pm EST
thanks for the invite
.* Sandi * Jan 7, 2009, 7:32pm EST
not yet, but thanks for asking
j - Frugal Mom - r. Jan 7, 2009, 7:32pm EST
Welcome to the chat Debi Silber, it is a pleasure to have you join us. We look forward to spending the next hour with you as you answer Gather member questions life, parenthood, staying healthy and in shape.
Jennifer Hodge Jan 7, 2009, 7:33pm EST
Hi everyone! Thanks Debi for joining us. I know that we have a lot of frazzled Gather moms who are trying to balance all aspects of their lives. Thanks J Frugal Mom R. for hosting.
debi silber Jan 7, 2009, 7:34pm EST
A few questions were submitted before the chat so I can start with them. The first was from Susan. Hi Susan, sorry you couldn't be here but in answer to your question:
As far as finding a better balance, you may want to first see if you can take a few things off your plate. Next, take a look at your priorities, you may find you need to put yourself higher up on the list and then simply do the best you can. There's no benefit of being angry with yourself for not getting it all in!
j - Frugal Mom - r. Jan 7, 2009, 7:35pm EST
Debi, I have many questions for you as I am really feeling overwhelmed with parenthood these days

I am three months pregnant with my third child, and for the past month I have been fighting bronchitis, ear infections, fatigue and all-day morning sickness.

Do you have any suggestions as to how I regain a bit of my usual energy?
Jennifer Hodge Jan 7, 2009, 7:35pm EST
Debi, we did have a few members send me questions prior to the chat. So I will be seeding them throughout the chat.

Marcy H. sent in this question: How do you create a resolution that lasts?
debi silber Jan 7, 2009, 7:37pm EST
Thanks so much to J Frugal Mom for hosting! Another question came in before the chat so I can answer that one now too. It was from PS who was wondering how a busy mom can find time to exercise. First of all, you'll never find time to exercise, you must make the time. It will never simply appear because as moms, we typically put ourselves last, only tending to our needs when everyone else is taken care of. By that time, we're exhausted!
Some tips to fit in exercise would be: first thing in the morning when everyone is still asleep and your time is your own, keep a gym bag packed and ready in the car and hit the gym (or outside) on your lunchbreak or after work, put on your workout clothes immediately in the morning-it will be a reminder to get it in as soon as you can!
Bridget ♥ Jan 7, 2009, 7:40pm EST
Hello everyone!

As a stay at home mom of 2 children I am often frazzled! LOL!
j - Frugal Mom - r. Jan 7, 2009, 7:40pm EST
I don't know how all of the working moms do it, I am exhausted just from being a stay-at-home mom.

I wonder if anyone else here is having a hard time sticking to their resolutions.
debi silber Jan 7, 2009, 7:40pm EST
Jenn's question was about healthy snacks and lunches for the kids: I recommend combining a low sugar/high fiber carbohydrate with quality lean protein. That can mean:
a low fat yogurt with fruit, turkey and low fat cheese in a whole wheat tortilla, string cheese with fruit and whole grain crackers to name a few.
j - Frugal Mom - r. Jan 7, 2009, 7:40pm EST
Hi Bridget, thanks for joining the chat. I completely understand the frazzled term:)
Alta B. Jan 7, 2009, 7:41pm EST
Are we chatting now?
Bridget ♥ Jan 7, 2009, 7:42pm EST
BUT, i still woudln't change my "job" for anything!
Jeffrey Martin Jan 7, 2009, 7:42pm EST
Debi, My sister-in-law drives the family crazy every year because she makes at least 5 major resolutions that she can't possibly keep with a full time job, three kids, not to mention my brother. She lets us in on them and then drops them. I don't think she has ever succeeded even though we're supportive. What can we do to help her sanity? And ours?
j - Frugal Mom - r. Jan 7, 2009, 7:43pm EST
Hi there Alta, yes we are:)

Do you have any questions for Debi Silber? Did you make a resolution this year?
debi silber Jan 7, 2009, 7:43pm EST
OK, this is for J Frugal Mom. As a Registered Dieitian and Personal Trainer, I originally thought healthy eating and exercise were enough. I had 4 kids, 4 dogs, a husband, thriving practice, chronic, unmanaged stress and a bad case of trying to be "supermom!" My health rapidly deteriorated, I came down with many illnesses, conditions, ailments and disease. When things got bad enough, surgery was the only option. While I healed I became a Whole Health Coach-a health professional trained to understandd how the body creates health/wellness or illness/disease. Turns out every one of my illnesses (there was a list!) was due to my chaotic lifestyle and unmanaged stress.
I undid the damage I'd caused and went from illness to health, pain to pain free living and misery to joy! Once you understand what stress can do you'll do your best to change!
j - Frugal Mom - r. Jan 7, 2009, 7:44pm EST
Bridget, I couldn't agree more.

Did you make any resolutions for this year?
Ann Oxford Jan 7, 2009, 7:45pm EST
I feel so guilty when I take time away from my family for "me" time. How can I get past that?
Bridget ♥ Jan 7, 2009, 7:46pm EST
I lost 30 pounds in 2007 and managed to maintain that weight loss during 2008. My goal for 2009 is to lose another 25 pounds!

Are there any "tricks" to help me?!
j - Frugal Mom - r. Jan 7, 2009, 7:46pm EST
Thanks Debi, I hate to admit it but the whole supermom thing has been put on the shelf for the past few weeks. I know that I need lots of rest to get rid of the bronchitis, so my house is a bit neglected these days.

My new years resolution is to spend more fun days with my kids and my husband.
Bridget ♥ Jan 7, 2009, 7:47pm EST
Ann,

What's "Me" time? I feel the same way you do! :)
Jennifer Hodge Jan 7, 2009, 7:47pm EST
Bridget and J Frugal Mom, I read your posts daily and I am amazed at what a great environment you provide for your kids. You incorporate imagination and creativity. You may be frazzled, but your kids look so happy.
j - Frugal Mom - r. Jan 7, 2009, 7:47pm EST
Ann, I know all about the guilt. About a year ago, I realized that I need ME time in order to take care of my family. It sure is easy to forget though, and then the guilt returns.
debi silber Jan 7, 2009, 7:47pm EST
Here's an answer to Marcy's question about creating a resolution that lasts. First reevaluate the year. Figure out how it went. Next, figure out what you want (in the areas of nutrition, weight loss, fitness, stress control, emotional health, relationships and spirituality-the areas I focus on with my moms). Come up with a clear picture of what you want. Next, figure out every obstacle you may encounter-crucial step that people overlook! This prevents you becoming derailed when an obstacle occurs...and it will. Next, come up with short, mini goals to achieve in those 6 areas. Finally, figure out a way to track your progress and reward yourself along the way to stay motivated and on track.
j - Frugal Mom - r. Jan 7, 2009, 7:48pm EST
Bridget, it is amazing how far you have come with your weight loss.
j - Frugal Mom - r. Jan 7, 2009, 7:49pm EST
Thank you Jennifer, I think Bridget and I are very fortunate to be able to stay home with our kids. I have tried being a full-time working mom, and I really applaud everyone who is able to work and balance family life at the same time.
Jennifer Hodge Jan 7, 2009, 7:49pm EST
Debi, here's a question someone sent in about prioritizing: Emily P. sent in this question: I want to change a few things, how do I decide what to focus on?
j - Frugal Mom - r. Jan 7, 2009, 7:50pm EST
I like the idea of rewarding yourself for staying on track Debi, I think this is something Moms often forget to do.
Bridget ♥ Jan 7, 2009, 7:50pm EST
Jennifer,

Wow, thanks SO much! I do my best! :) i think it's very important for my kids to be able to be creative and use their imagination! it's what being a kid is all about and I want them to strive in every way possible!
debi silber Jan 7, 2009, 7:50pm EST
Hi Jeffrey, your sister has to decide if her resolutions are important enough for her to keep. Next, she must come up with a way to get her specific job done. Remember, when you keep doing things the same way, you'll keep getting the same results! Maybe she can prioritize the changes she wants to make, focus on the top 1 or 2, break it down so it's manageable and to prevent overwhelm. The confused and overwhelmed mind does nothing. If she goes into it with a strategy and willingness to change the way she thinks, acts and behaves, she'll make lasting changes that bring results!
Bridget ♥ Jan 7, 2009, 7:51pm EST
J -
Agreed, we are very fortunate and lucky!
Amanda "middle of nowhere" C. Jan 7, 2009, 7:51pm EST
I have had some health problems, work problems, family problems...you name it.

In spite of all these problems, I would like to change my life. Any tips on how I can motivate myself to make and stay with the changes I need to do?

Thanks for sharing your time and thanks J for hosting such a great job!
debi silber Jan 7, 2009, 7:52pm EST
Hi Ann, I tell my moms they should feel guilty when they don't take time for themselves! When you feel, look and live your best, you're so much better for all within your care and reach. When you feel unfit, overweight, overwhelmed and unhappy, they're not getting your best at all!
Karin Karhem Jan 7, 2009, 7:53pm EST
Hi Debi, I'm young and fickle, so I make resolutions on a whim. I'm trying to quit smoking, but I hate to go to the gym. I get bored easily with routin workouts. How can I find something I enjoy and can stick with?
debi silber Jan 7, 2009, 7:53pm EST
Hi Bridget, Congrats on your weight loss! No tricks, just creating new, healthy habits so healthy living becomes an easy and enjoyable way of life! Keep your goals in sight and reward yourself. Figure out a specific reward for each milestone, it's crucial!
Bridget ♥ Jan 7, 2009, 7:54pm EST
I agree that by taking "ME TIME" it makes me a better Mom! And that's what I'm all about, being a great mom for my kids!

"Me Time" can be as simple as getting my nails done or even taking a nice hot bath!
j - Frugal Mom - r. Jan 7, 2009, 7:54pm EST
Bridget, we sure are!
Bridget ♥ Jan 7, 2009, 7:54pm EST
Thanks Debi,

I DO reward myself after i reach certain weight loss goals! It's what keeps me focused, it really does work!
Ann Oxford Jan 7, 2009, 7:56pm EST
Thanks Debi! I tell my husband that I'm no use to him or the family if I can't get "alone" time. He's actually been very supportive. Hard to do when these times are so economically tough and we're all worrying about who's getting laid off next.
j - Frugal Mom - r. Jan 7, 2009, 7:56pm EST
Amanda, I was hoping you would stop by. I can imagine that your life must seem very overwhelming at the moment, I think it is great that you are still trying to change everything for the better. Motivation can be difficult to find, even when life doesn't throw us curve balls.
debi silber Jan 7, 2009, 7:57pm EST
Hi Jennifer, about prioritizing. It's just not possible to "do it all" and do it all well! It's a matter of deciding what's important and taking pressure off yourself about the rest. Learn to redefine perfect because all it does is create unnecessary stress! Besides, as much as we think people are judging, evaluating us and what we do, no one watches us as closely as we do and then again, who cares? As long as your intentions are good, do the best you can and let the rest go.
Candy S. Jan 7, 2009, 7:57pm EST
hello everyone
Bridget ♥ Jan 7, 2009, 7:57pm EST
Well, I have to go make my family dinner!

Thanks for the chat!
Jennifer Hodge Jan 7, 2009, 7:58pm EST
Debi, I know my problem with resolutions is that I make them and have every intention of keeping them. But I fall off the wagon at some point and don't get back on board again.
debi silber Jan 7, 2009, 7:59pm EST
Hi Amanda, I suggest you start small. Take a look at what's "not working" and decide on your most important struggles you'd like to take on. Break it down into smaller chunks so you feel a sense of pride and accomplishment as you reach each mini goal. Take notice of how you're beginning to look, feel and live as you incorporate the new change. Once it's a habit, keep reinforcing it as you take on another one.
Nancy L. Jan 7, 2009, 8:00pm EST
Hi Debi-

Is it better to work on one resolution at a time?
j - Frugal Mom - r. Jan 7, 2009, 8:01pm EST
Bridget, I like your definition of Me time.

Last Friday I had a doctor's appointment at 10 a.m., which meant my husband stayed with the kids. I got out of the house around 8 a.m, and I went to get my hair cut at a cheap hair salon next to the doctor's office.

No one noticed my hair cut, as I just got a few inches cut off, but it was so great to sit there in the chair being pampered:)
debi silber Jan 7, 2009, 8:01pm EST
Hi Karen, It's great that you know yourself so well, that's a huge step in figuring out what you want! If you get bored, figure out your "fitness personality". Do you like working out in a gym, outside, inside, music, with a group, alone? Figure out what you really want to change, give up smoking, eat healthier? Take on what's most important and get that done. You'll feel so proud of yourself as you realize you can tackle and accomplish anything you choose!
Ann Oxford Jan 7, 2009, 8:01pm EST
Debi, It seems like resolutions are made mostly by women. Have you found this in your travels?
debi silber Jan 7, 2009, 8:02pm EST
Great work Bridget!
j - Frugal Mom - r. Jan 7, 2009, 8:02pm EST
Hi Candy, welcome to the chat.

Bridget, thank you for taking the time to stop by.

Hi Nancy, welcome.
debi silber Jan 7, 2009, 8:03pm EST
Hi Ann, Seems the best way to get the message across to husbands is like this: when mom's happy, everyone's happy! He'll translate it into exactly what that means to him! lol
Candy S. Jan 7, 2009, 8:04pm EST
sorry my computer froze wht is going on
Ann Oxford Jan 7, 2009, 8:04pm EST
Debi, Thanks for your response. It makes a lot of sense. I'm wondering if you struggle with your own resolutions?
j - Frugal Mom - r. Jan 7, 2009, 8:04pm EST
:) That's a great way to put it Debi, husbands sure can be a challenge when it comes to ME time and sticking to resolutions.
Candy S. Jan 7, 2009, 8:05pm EST
Debi I like that response I tell my husband that all of the time.
Candy S. Jan 7, 2009, 8:05pm EST
I am so exhausted by the time it is me time I just go to bed
debi silber Jan 7, 2009, 8:05pm EST
Hi Jennifer, Most people fall off. That's expected! The problem is that's when people give up and feel like it's a lost cause and go right back into their old habits. Anything new requires attention, especially creating healthy habits that last. Just contain the slip when it happens, learn from it and get back on track!
Nancy L. Jan 7, 2009, 8:06pm EST
I guess the bottom line is that we have to feel that we deserve to take the time for ourselves and work on making ourselves happy.
j - Frugal Mom - r. Jan 7, 2009, 8:06pm EST
Debi, I was wondering if you write your resolutions down? I have found that when I put down my goals on paper, they seem to stick better.
debi silber Jan 7, 2009, 8:07pm EST
Hi Nancy, great question. That depends on you. I'm a believer that you are the expert of you and no one is better qualified to give you what you need. Look at past experience. If focusing on one thing really "nails it" then that's your answer. Choose what's most important, give it your all and reward yourself for your success. That will fuel you to make the next change you want to make.
j - Frugal Mom - r. Jan 7, 2009, 8:08pm EST
Candy, I sure know that feeling of being exhausted. It is hard to stick to your goals for the day, when the bed is calling.
debi silber Jan 7, 2009, 8:08pm EST
Hi Ann, hard to say because I only work with women.
Candy S. Jan 7, 2009, 8:08pm EST
My husband is having heart surgery next week so for the last year everything has been on me he just does not have the energy
Angela <:3---}~~~~ M. Jan 7, 2009, 8:09pm EST
Dropping in to read threw the chat, no questions yet.
debi silber Jan 7, 2009, 8:09pm EST
Hi Ann, of course I do! I just do my best to get back on track. One of my biggest motivators is knowing I have to face everyone and my kids would rat me out in a second! I'm as real as it gets, I promise!
Nancy L. Jan 7, 2009, 8:10pm EST
What's the amount of time they say it takes to make a new habit stick- 6 weeks? I guess that's what a resolution really is: a new habit.
j - Frugal Mom - r. Jan 7, 2009, 8:10pm EST
I'm sorry to hear your husband is having trouble with his heart Candy, I did not know about this. I hope the surgery goes well. I can imagine it must be very overwhelming for both you, your husband and the kids.
Candy S. Jan 7, 2009, 8:11pm EST
true Nancy we have to make them our new way of life
j - Frugal Mom - r. Jan 7, 2009, 8:11pm EST
Thanks for joining us Angela.
Candy S. Jan 7, 2009, 8:11pm EST
thanks J R
j - Frugal Mom - r. Jan 7, 2009, 8:11pm EST
That's a great way to put it Nancy.
elizabeth e. Jan 7, 2009, 8:12pm EST
Just dropping in because Jr invited me. Not over stressed, overweight, or under nourished but then again, my kids are all grown up. But really, as Moms, we do need to "take care of ourselves first"....have an outlet for our own creative energies.

When my boys were young, I always got up at 5....then I had a good two hours to myself. Exercise, leisurely breakfast, read the paper, etc. Then it was crunch time...getting three boys off to school as well as myself. (I've taught for 40 years.)

Evenings were rather quiet....during the school week, no television was allowed. The kids went to private school so they had tons of homework. By 8:30 or 9 thety were in bed...and once again I had time to read or do whatever. Our home wasn't the cleanest nor did I make gourmet dinners.....but it all seemed to work. It really is important to set your priorities... what is really important.
debi silber Jan 7, 2009, 8:12pm EST
Hi Candy, Can you delegate something or take something off your list? It's no fun to merely "get through the day" and without the rewards, you'll probably begin to feel worse and worse. To start, how about at least a nice bath, journaling, listening to a CD, lighting a nice smelling candle or something? Anything to get the ball rolling showing yourself some much needed self care
j - Frugal Mom - r. Jan 7, 2009, 8:13pm EST
My husband just came home from work, and I heard his first words for the boys. "Did you guys make all this mess?"

I'm sitting here thinking. Well, Mom is happy the boys are happy and I sure am glad he didn't come in the door fifteen minutes ago, when our two year old peed on the floor in
the middle of all the legos.

Sometimes mess is necessary:)
Jane C. Jan 7, 2009, 8:13pm EST
Debi, I am an older Mom. My daughter is 35, very busy with a hectic job. She quit smoking 5 months ago, her kids are thrilled but her weight has gone through the stratosphere. She is having a hard time finding time to exercise. She doesn't get home until 6pm (leaves for work at 7:30 am. Weekends are hectic. Any advice?
Jennifer Hodge Jan 7, 2009, 8:13pm EST
Debi, I see so many amazing moms here on Gather who are juggling so much in their work and family lives, as well as all those moms who are homeschooling their kids and stay at home moms. I admire them so much. I am single and can barely pack my lunch. lol. I can't see myself handling much more.
debi silber Jan 7, 2009, 8:13pm EST
Nancy-you just nailed the nail on the head. The more we like ourselves, the better we treat ourselves, the more we feel we deserve. There are so many things involved but so much of it has to do with our own harsh self judgment. That's our biggest problem
Candy S. Jan 7, 2009, 8:14pm EST
right now I have nothing I have to do everything my husband and I both do plus do my job and all of the kids demands. It is hard for him to just get through the day at work