My Resolution - My Journey

I don’t normally make resolutions, but when I do make them I try to stick with them. That is why I resolve in 2007 to complete the resolution I made in 2002. It has taken me five years to get to the point I am at right now.

I suppose I should explain the origins of this resolution. In the 1990’s I lost my hearing. It was extremely traumatic for me, as it would be for anyone. I held a few jobs, but they paid very little and I was made to feel like an idiot. In fact, I had several coworkers who insinuated that I was not even bright enough to figure out how to put a box on a machine and type in the mailing information to make postage.

I should point out that at this time I had an associate’s degree. My hearing loss actually began in late high school, but I was in denial about the whole thing. I went on to college to become a teacher, which had been a dream of mine for a long time. Unfortunately, as college progressed; so did my hearing loss. It got to the point where I could no longer hear in some of my classes and knew I was going to have to drop out. Luckily for me, I had enough credits for an associate’s degree. 

Defeated, I felt like my life was over. My husband tried to be very supportive, but I was too depressed to notice how wonderful he was to me. I knew that people were talking about me in my presence. There is no worse feeling than knowing people you once respected were willing to say nasty things about you, because they thought you couldn’t hear them. I knew that people, who once treated me as though I were intelligent, were now acting as though I was weak and had no intelligence at all. I began to act as people expected, rarely speaking to anyone and unsure I was smart enough to make even the simplest decisions about my life or my family (I had two children during this time). I felt embarrassed when my son started school that I couldn’t be as helpful as the other moms. I knew people referred to my son along the lines of “that poor little boy with a deaf mom.”

I found myself getting more and more connected to the Internet. I could participate equally there without feeling like I was at a disadvantage. I could show that I was intelligent. More importantly, though, is that the Internet is an endless trove of information. Some of that information involved a technology I wasn’t all that familiar with: cochlear implants.

I did research. I fought with insurance companies, the first one would not even think of covering a cochlear implant. Finally, I saw a specialist who could help me and get past the hurdles of insurance. On Dec. 20, 2001, the same day as Rush Limbaugh, I received my cochlear implant. As everyone who is familiar with them knows you don’t automatically get your hearing back, you have to wait to be turned on.

Even though I still wasn’t hearing, on Dec. 31, 2001 or Jan. 1, 2002, (it was a long night) I resolved to get my life back. I wanted to show people that I am far more intelligent than they gave me credit for. I wanted to finish the dream that I began in high school; I wanted to be a teacher. Today, I am a regular volunteer in my children’s schools. I work part-time for a newspaper; In June of 2005 I graduated Magna Cum Laude with a Bachelor of Science degree from Ohio State (in education) and a minor in English. This March I graduate with a master’s degree in education and will be qualified to teach.

More importantly, I feel like I've become better mother to my children and more sure of myself than I ever have in my life. I have never regretted the decision to have the implant (except maybe when my oldest son is practicing drums).

It’s been a long ride. But some resolutions are worth keeping.