With a New Year Comes a New Me (and a divorce)

Good resolutions at the outset of the new road to self discovery.

Good for you, those are such good-for-you and your children resolutions!

I truly wish you all the best of luck and the ability to carry through with your intentions.

Good Luck. If you don't mind my suggestion I would recommend riding a bicycle. Its an amazing way to to get stress of your back and it does wonders for your leg definition. I know I know you live in Wisconsin so now isn't the best time to start thinking of a bike ride (although I still try to get in 50 miles a week) but its something you might want to throw into your activities. You wont regret it.

Ever try martial arts? It's a great way to get in shape and develop yourself mentally, physically and spiritually. Don't forget to enroll in school even if you have to use the internet to do it! You'll never go wrong with education and the more the better. Your own education is the best investment you can make.

You've had a busy year. Divorce can be both trying and freeing. Best wishes in discovering the new you

I know where you are coming from soemwhat. You gotta hang in there. I started a business a few years ago and I have forgotten the balance in everything except that. This is a new year and it is time to think about what is important. The keyword for my NY resolution is "Balance" in everything.

Wurdzgurl, you are already succeeding in being a more positive person. It is quite evident by this article and by the awareness that you have of your faults and foibles. It sounds rather self-evident, but the first thing to becoming a better person is to realize that you DO have faults and WANT to become a better person! I was just on the phone with a friend as I opened your article, talking about raising her 8 year old and how difficult it is not to be short-tempered at times and how the behavior of the parents is so visibly mirrored in the child. You have a tough role to play, being a single mother with an 8 month old and a six year old, and you will have problems. But from reading your thoughts and feelings here, I can tell that you are a good person, a positive person and that you want to (and will!) do your best for your children and yourself.
Don't worry about your body, if you are able to find a routine that enables you to have some activity, such as the walking or bike riding that were suggested, and if you eat well and minimize junk-type foods (candy, soda, pastries, and too much fast foods) then your body will take care of itself and settle into a good, healthy state. As long as you have the awareness and actions to be active and eat well (fresh vegetables and fruits!), you should be able to feel good about yourself in whatever shape your body is in. And keep a healthy diet for your children, avoiding the same detrimental things and keeping them involved with games and activities (not letting them be television addicts: moderation!) will do wonders for their physical and emotional health. Having a treat once in a while is fun, but not as daily sustenance!
I admire your desire to become more spiritual (which is not to be confused with more religious), to seek to reduce the stress in your life (stress is an internal reaction to external stimilii) by learning to meditate. Try getting up 15 minutes earlier (which can be a very tough thing for the mother of an infant!) and sitting comfortably (no need to contort or follow the classic, stereotypical poses) on a mat or cushion or chair, with your back straight, breathing slowly and smoothly, then just pay attention to your breath, trying not to think of other things for those 15 minutes, or even 10. Good, fresh positive energy is drawn in and a cleansing of tension and impurities is released. Do this consistantly on a daily basis and it will develop into a meditative state that will relax and recharge you. Nothing fancy is needed! I suggest early morning, but it can be done anytime. Perhaps if both children are down for naps at the same time on a regular basis, just so you have that 10 or 15 minutes.
You ARE a good mom! You love your children and you are working to change yourself so that you can do better for them. That is what the giving of love is. No one is perfect (perfection is an illusion that our minds have invented) but we can always improve our flow of energy, always be more positive, understanding and compassionate, and this will affect those around us. Work to make your children's world a happy, good-feeling place, remembering that YOU are the greater part of your children's world!
Writing and reading are two very wonderful activities that I wholeheartedly encourage you to pursue! They go hand in hand and enable you to gain a greater perspective of yourself and the world around you. Reading to your children is giving them the magic and wonders that are to be found in literature, for it will not only capture their imaginations and let them see beyond what eyes can capture, but it will instill in them a love of reading that will enrich and reward them throughout their lives. And for you, writing will help you gain insights into your own thoughts and feeling, it will help you keep track of your progress to being the best person that you can. It will open doors of perception that you didn't even know existed, and lead you to wonders within your own heart.
You close by saying, "This is going to be a GREAT year!" and THAT is the attitude that will make it so! I recommend a simple regimen that can do wonders for you (it works for me!) When you wake in the morning, the first thing you do is say out loud, "It is a GOOD day!" and say it several times with FEELING (not loudly, just thoughtfully focused on what you are saying) and then repeat it occasionally during the course of the day. Next, say out loud to yourself, "I am a GOOD person," with the same thoughtful attention to what it is you are saying. Then, thinking about your wonderful children, about the goodness that is in your family and friends, the opportunities you have had and that you now have, the GOOD things you have experienced in this life, say, "I am a LUCKY girl!" ...again, several times with focus and varying inflection on the words, truly LISTENING to yourself as you speak. Then, holding in your mind whatever spiritual energy, power, being, belief, religion or view of what you feel holds this world and universe together (it could even be someone you truly look up to and would want to be more like) say with an open heart (mean it!), "HELP me to be a better person." Let yourself ask for help, truly and unreservedly admitting that you are not in this alone and that guidance is wanted. We all have the inner ability to transcend any doubts, fears or faults within us, but by asking for help in our efforts to be better people, we can realize a clearer way to focus and aid our efforts and thus keep us heading in the right direction.
Another positive, spiritual mantra (vocal focusing aid) is to hold the joys in your heart that you are fortunate to have, whatever GOOD things that touch your life, and say, "Life is for LAUGHTER!" and FEEL the happy fun in those words! And finally, with true spiritual awareness and love in your heart, say, "Life is for giving to OTHERS!" for that is the greatest good, the most positive energy that you can have, and being filled with it will let you experience your children, your family and friends and the entire world in a wonderful, compassionately loving state. Say all these things as often as you can during the course of the day and you will find that life truly is a beautiful thing and this great positive attitude will fill your children's lives as well as your own.
I apologize for rambling on so, but I was truly touched by your open letter and I wanted to share with you what I could of things that have helped (and continue to help) me to try to be the best person that I can. Certainly these are not sure cures or magical panaceas that will make your dreams come true, but they are specific aids in helping you WORK toward becoming a truly positive infuence on the world around you. There will always be times of emotional stress, frustration, anger and sorrow, but with these aids you will be able to overcome and be less affected by them. You will have greater control of the emotional reactions to the influences that life presents.
I thank you very much for your wonderful article, your heartwarming insights, your admirable goals and for reminding me that we all have a lot of work to do to help make this crazy world a better place for ourselves, our children and all future generations. Best of luck! Om shanti!

Holy Moly! Sounds like you have had a very stressful year - more power to you for overcoming the obstacles and moving on with your life, in a more productive way.
Good Luck to you!

I just want to thank everyone for their responses to my featured resolution. My resolution was featured just as my daughters and I were getting away for a much needed weekend away. It's so nice to hear all of your comments. Regarding Bike riding I do plan to pursue that in the next year! I just need to get the right bike. Thank you all for your kind words. I smiled when I checked my email and saw the responses. Happy New Year to you all.

Just came accross this article .Wow what a year , but you sound like a survivor. I recently bought a recumbent bike. http://www.gather.com/viewArticle.jsp?articleId=281474976884731 It is supposed to be good for a lot of muscles .

I need all the help that I can get.