In July of 2002, a drunk driver hit me head-on at 75 MPH. I was in a Toyota Corolla. He was going the wrong way on Interstate 24 near Clarksville, TN. He was driving on a revoked license in an uninsured car. It took EMS an hour to get me out of my crumpled car to take the 'care flight' to Vanderbilt Hospital in Nashville where they have an adequate trauma unit. I will skip the gory details - lets just say that I was in the hospital 4 months, have had intermidable rehab, surgery and PTSD/pain groups. For some reason I have never let myself be angry with the man who hit me. Probably I felt fortunate to 1. live; 2. keep my crushed leg; 3. walk on my own and 4. continue to live independently. A year after the wreck, my abused granddaughter came to live with me. After a stressful year in Court I got guardianship. Over time the incredible pain levels and repressed anger have turned me into a person I barely recognize. This is not the person I want my children and granddaughter to remember when I do finally get to walk streets of gold (an inference to heaven). My resolution this year is to find ways to deal with my pain, anger and frustration better so I can be the person I want to be: sweet, loving, compassionate and pleasant to be around. I am accepting prayer - with gratitude.
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Comments: 4
What a life altering ordeal you were forced to go through ... and it happened in the blink of an eye! You're strong and have a forgiving nature ... and yes I can relate to not being angry just being thankful.
What caught my attention were your thoughts... I don't like who I've become....either. I don't know how to change me and it's very painful.
My deal is, or at least part of it... I've become this person because I took care of my grandchildren when they were innocent and needed a stable home. They are in their late teens now. It didn't matter that I was overly generous, pleasant, open, loving... they will still think of me when I'm gone the same as you fear being thought of!
Recently had some medical issues ...first time in a hospital. One of the girls lived a few blocks from where I was hospitalized. She came by with her dad one night, stayed for a few minutes preoccupied with her hair. I asked her to come back ...
I had some banking to do .. she works at the bank... she agreed and then was a no show. I was hospitalized nine days ...
I went to the bank the day I was released from the hospital ...and asked my granddaughter why she had disappointed me ...the answer " I've got my own life to live gramma I had my own things to do!"
Not a word from her or her sister... over these holidays. I had given both of them a home for two years and then gave her parents MY home so that they could be a family again. It's all ancient history ... but you're starting on the path ... don't ever "expect" that the child you're helping will be grateful or demonstrate love for you because you've helped her. It would be wonderful if she does... a word of caution don't set yourself up for more hurt.
This all may be none of my **** business and you can tell me so . I just heard so much of my thoughts in yours.
I could humble myself... go to them and ask them what I have to do to renew our relationship .. I wrote a New Years Resolution piece and thought it might relieve some of the anger that I've been feeling. Human nature is a funny duck. At one time I had and I was able to give and I gave, I have little now and can give little.
I think that these days we're judged by our worth in dollars and cents although we may not want to believe that it could be all that simple an explanation.