A Resolution to Live Life

Every year I watch people make resolutions and within a few days, weeks or months those resolutions fall by the wayside.  Despite the best intentions for one reason or another they simply lose sight of what they had resolved to change or do.  That is why I never make resolutions.  However, this year is different for me.  This year I will be making an important New Year’s Resolution.

In November my marriage of seventeen years ended.  During the course of the marriage there was abuse (both physical and emotional), extreme controlling behaviors and before long I had lost myself completely.  During the divorce process I struggled through emotions and fears that brought me to my knees.  I had become so accustomed to the emotional abuse, the willful neglect and the control he had over me that I was uncertain how I would survive in the world alone.

Then the divorce became final.  I walked out the door never to return to that life again and I discovered something amazing.  Not only can I survive in this world, but I am finally living in it!  For years all I did was survive, I never truly lived.  Now each new day I breathe in the freedom that fills my life.  I find myself excited and joyful again for the first time in years.  I find myself smiling for no reason.  Each time I make a decision I realize how incredible it feels not needing to ask anyone’s permission or opinion… I simply decide for myself.

This is what leads me to make a New Year’s Resolution this year.  My resolution is to get to know myself and live life.  During the New Year I will rediscover the things that were suppressed for many years.  I plan to return to my artistic expressions of painting, sketching, digital art, photography and writing.  I am going to take charge of my health and do my best to improve my health in every way I possibly can.   I have also begun to fill the void in my soul by returning to my faith as I walk with God once again.  I have already felt His hand guiding me, encouraging me and welcoming me back home again.