by El Toro Bravo de Amor
Member since:
November 9, 2006

The Awful Truth About Mother's Day

May 11, 2008 05:21 PM EDT (Updated: May 12, 2008 09:16 AM EDT)
views: 87 | comments: 28

 

 

 

 

 

 

It's not widely known, but moms hate flowers, candy, brunch, and "pampering."

What do they want? They want to slap on some mosquito repellant and disappear into the woods. At least that's what mine did today. I packed a picnic lunch (pita bread with ham, turkey, swiss, avocado and lettuce for you food network fans) and took her for a hike in the state park to make her look at stuff.

Flowers? Sorta. They were all still attached to their native woodland plants though and we left them behind. She had fun. I think she even liked it better than the macaroni necklace I made her last year.


The author and his mom


 

 

 

 

Park entrance 

 

 

 

 

 

Bumblebee, flower. Can't remember the name of these flowers. But it is a favorite.



 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The noble Sequoia Semperviren. Its friends just call it a "redwood" though.


 

 

 

 

Mom looks for her birthday in the tree ring time line. Did you know she's met Christopher Columbus? She thought he was a nice young man.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lettuce. This stuff tastes pretty good.  I reminded mom of the kill joy statement she made when I was a kid: "You better hope an animal didn't pee on that" Moms are full of sage advice like that..


 

 

 

 

Some other sweet thing whose name I never got.
  









But that's an iris right? There's lots of them in the woods out here. 














Mom's poseable. 














I told her the Keebler elves lived in this tree and they had cookies for her. Ha ha. Payback for the Santa thing. How's the disillusionment taste? Fresh baked? Just like YOU used to make!
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Comments: 28

WS R. May 11, 2008, 5:35pm EDT
Great mother's day gift! I'm gonna show this to my kids so I can have a gift just like this one. who needs flowers??? Gimme trees!!!
John Philipp May 11, 2008, 5:37pm EDT
Excellent piece, Bret.

Do me a favor and, if you haven't already, post it to Gather Essentials: Writing for Humor Monday
(Best to wait until tomorrow so I'll see it in the editor's queue.) Thanks.
An awesome mommy day gift!
Eyvonne H. May 11, 2008, 6:13pm EDT
Great Mother's Day gift. I know a lot of mom's who would have loved that gift. I enjoyed the pictures you added to this. It made me feel like I went too.
I think I may have made that same comment about , hoping an animal hadn't peed on that before you ate it once too. LOL.
Marilyn M. May 11, 2008, 6:37pm EDT
That's real nice.
Sharon C. May 11, 2008, 7:22pm EDT
wonderful!!!!
I know that you just gave her the perfect gift! A sweet story and cleverly told.
El Toro Bravo de Amor May 11, 2008, 7:45pm EDT
She's certain gypsies stole her real child from the hospital but I'm all she's got. ;)

She really does like to go for walks so I didn't just foist something weird on her. Her, my wife and myself have something in common. We will not go into a restauraunt on Valentines or Mothers Day. The menu is limited, the service is awful, the wait is horrendous, the food is cold and the staff are having melt downs.

I sent her the pics so she can email the relatives about what a good boy I am. :)

There were a lot of moms out in the woods today. It was like animal planet.

Thanks all!
Kay M. May 11, 2008, 7:53pm EDT
Great gift for mom! I'm sure the best thing about it for mom was the time spent with you. I would have liked a little frolic in the woods myself today but the weather is uncooperative.
CC Miranda the artrat (or am i?) May 11, 2008, 9:12pm EDT
i love the one of her inside the tree. great idea, glad you got to do it for a special day with mom.
Rick *Don Rico* J. May 11, 2008, 9:18pm EDT
Very funny! And great shots, too. Happy Mother's Day Bret's Mom!
meg pattinson May 11, 2008, 9:50pm EDT
that looks like sucha fun day ! i love all your captions ! hah
Jean E. May 11, 2008, 11:57pm EDT
roflmao - i gave my mom my ear for as long as the fully charged cell phone battery would hold - I'm not sure how long she kept talking after it went dead, but I was able to text her later that I loved her...............great article ~j
El Toro Bravo de Amor May 12, 2008, 12:09am EDT
Frolic? Kay, you little woodland sprite!

CC, when I saw the tree, I saw the pic. "Stand here. Look around the corner like this. K?" Mom played along.

Thx Rick! I owe her for not holding a pillow over my face as a teen.

Good times meg. :)

Ha ha. Jean, phantom phone call! Nice mental image.

It was karie anne. For the past few years we've gone on a scenic drive for mother's day. It was fun to get out and walk.
Kathie Freeman May 12, 2008, 10:50am EDT
Not Iris. Trillium. My own Mom passed away 3 years ago. When we were kids (all 7 of us) she adn Dad used to take us for walks in the hills every Saturday afternoon. No Trilliums or redwoods, but there were lots of Yucca, Chocolate Bells, and Prickly Pear cactus.
John Philipp May 12, 2008, 5:43pm EDT
Bret, very original and fun.

Thanks for posting to Gather Writing Essentials: Humor Monday. This article has been included with it's link in Humor Monday Update.
El Toro Bravo de Amor May 12, 2008, 9:03pm EDT
Kathie, I am going to stop going into the woods without a qualified guide like yourself. Thx for the correction! I'm a big fan of the desert too. We're both lucky.

We have no shortage of trees up here Sadie. Open 24 hours.

Gracias Mr. Phillip. Thx for the invite.
Kathy D. May 12, 2008, 10:00pm EDT
This is great Bret. It sounds like you two had a wonderful day.
Lesli B. May 15, 2008, 12:11pm EDT
My kinda mother's day Brett.

I bet you're Mom's favorite!
Esther IS Flesh and Blood S. May 15, 2008, 7:40pm EDT
How cool for you to do that for your Mom! The photo essay was really nice and we too have a rule about not going out for Valentine's or Mother's Day. All of the points you made about doing so are correct plus if you haven't made reservations you end up having to wait an hour or two to get seated and only to receive cold food and horrid service.

Glad you had a great time with your Mommy.

Mine was too sick to get out of bed this year. ;(
El Toro Bravo de Amor May 17, 2008, 11:09am EDT
It was a good time. Mom's fun. I'm only "mom's favorite" because I'm an only child. Even then, it's fairly competitive. Esther, I hope you read her a story and made her some soup.

thx sierra. :)
Esther IS Flesh and Blood S. May 17, 2008, 11:27am EDT
Bret - My Mom loves me to play out funny voices to charachters in greeting cards and such. So if there is a bear or a bird or cat or dog on the card I speak and act like the particular charachter. She giggles hysterically to that.

I did buy her a nice gift but alas no soup. ;(
El Toro Bravo de Amor May 17, 2008, 11:44am EDT
You are off the hook for funny voices though. I'll have you read Lord of the Rings to me sometime. Can't wait to hear your Gandalf voice.
Steph-in-NE ..... May 18, 2008, 9:53am EDT
you are so sweet to do that for your mum,,, I tell you the fuuny of mine,, I told her and her friends at her 40th that she had pet dinosurs,, that been a joke ever since...
did you know that T- Rex is her best friend
El Toro Bravo de Amor May 18, 2008, 10:44am EDT
pet dinosaurs. *chuckle* I should talk. I had a rotary phone and a black and white TV with 2 channels.
Deborah O. May 19, 2008, 7:59am EDT
A wonderful mothers day gift for your mom, keep it up
El Toro Bravo de Amor May 19, 2008, 9:06am EDT
thats the plan

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