I have Learning Disabilities, I Am Not Stupid.

I have learning disabilities. I rarely make that statement public. I have never in my life made a statement so public about my learning disabilities but I believe that even after so many years since Public Law 94-142 was passed, there is still so much misunderstanding and fear within the general public that I fear that I must. The purpose in writing this is to help others see learning disabilities differently, my hope is to encourage a change in focus on those who have learning disabilities.

When I read, letters change and when I do math, numbers change. In addition I am not always the most coordinated person in the world. Learning disabilities should be a badge of honor but in many cases they are a badge of shame or a crutch. In spite of the many laws including IDEA act and the Vocational Rehabilitation Act of 1973 being learning disabled is considered a weakness and or a liability most of the time.

I grew up in a family of over achievers. All went on to be very well off. All are brilliant either with their minds or with their hands.........all seemingly except me.  I was for many years considered the black sheep and embarrassment in my family. The words dyslexia, dyscalcula and learning disabilities were never ever uttered in my family. I was always the lazy one, the dumb one or even the loser, though that was never said, it was implied. My Father told me frequently I would never ever  graduate from High School and my older brother didn't have much use for me. The strange thing was that since I was 12 I always had a job, (delivering papers, grocery stock boy, lawn care)in spite of my learning disabilities that I kept hidden as best as I could.

At school I was told how stupid and lazy I was over and over again. A couple of examples of hard times at school include; One incident when I was told by my Drivers Ed teacher I would never be able to get a drivers' license. (Since then I have held driver's licenses in 3 states and a motorcycle license as well as a driver's instructors license)Years later in another state I was a driving Instructor. Another incident was the time  I took a math class and studied very very hard for a test. I knew the concepts very well going in to the test but was very tired. What I didn't know is that the more tired I am the worst my learning disablity acts up. I began the test and unknown to me but because I was so tired the numbers changed often.  My answers didn't check out and I doubted what I knew. The more stressed out I became the less I was certain of the process. At the end of the test I had a lot of numbers on the paper but no answers. I was too ashamed to turn my paper in. Three classes later I heard how the teacher was telling everyone how stupid I was. When I confronted her before the fourth class of the day she told me in front of 35 students that I was the stupidest student she ever had.  I bought in to the "you are stupid" feedback. To cover up for this I became the class clown. I was forced to hide my feelings as very little in my life made sense.

When I was 15 nothing I did worked, studying didn't help, hard work didn't help and I just quit trying. What was the point? I was alone. There was no special education help . Teachers assumed I was stupid as did everyone else.

As an adult I learned to cover up and hide my disabilities but I had to work 3x harder than anyone else. Over the years I learned when I count numbers, that for me to get an accurate count I have to count until I get the same number three times. When I worked in Spokane WA. I worked at a Payless Shoe Store. We had to count checks, Canadian funds, credit cards and cash. The store would close at 10:00 P.M. Often times I would be there until 3:00 A. M. and I lived an hour and a half away. To make things worse I had to be back at the store by 9:00 A. M. the next day. The cost of covering up for my learning disabilities added to the cost of being an assistant manager required a stiff toll from me. It cost me 3 months of seeing my baby daughter awake. For 3 months the best I could do was to gaze at my sleeping daughter.

I reached a point in my life where I had enough. I was tired of being the loser everyone said I was and being seen as stupid. I ran my own business and then I went back to school. I finished my AA degree. I earned a Bachelors degree in Education. I was on the President's honor roll, became a member of Omicron Delta Kappa a national honors leadership group and Pi Delta Kappa an education group. I earned a Masters degree in Special Education. I have taught for 12 years in 3 states and have earned teacher of the month.

When I graduated my Father who was deep in to Alzheimer's came to and said "Well we didn't think you could do it but you did!" This is really the theme my family has for me though they would deny it. My family now uses me as an example of people who made it in life when no one thought they could.

I have learning disabilities. Don't pity me and don't be afraid of me. My learning disabilities push me to succeed. My disabilities aren't contagious. They only make life more challenging for me. I am proud of what I have become, barriers I have built bridges over, and paths I have found around barriers I could not build bridges over.  It all comes down to this.... learning disabilities make it necessary for me to go the extra mile. I am proud to be going the extra mile and I go the extra mile with my head held high, proud of what I have accomplished but know there is still so much to do. For me there can never be a break from going the extra mile but the rewards are sweet. I challenge everyone to join me as I go the extra mile.