20 Life Lessons I have Learned The Hard Way.

I am smack dab in the middle of Middle Age. I feel obligated to pass on the following truisms. By the way feel free to test them out. The following lessons were proven by me. If you should feel the need to test them out let me know I could use a good laugh.

1.  Never taste a sled runner in a Snow storm. It takes six months sometimes for your tongue to fully recover just in time to learn lesson number 2.........
   
2. Conversely never taste a freezer shelf in the summer.
   
3. Never try to ice skate with your skate guards on. No matter how hard you try skating with skate guards on is simply an act of futility.
4. Never put on a pair sneakers/athletic shoes with socks stuffed in them. Unless of course your shoes are way to big.
5. Conversely never try to put your friend's shoes on who wears a size smaller than you do, that have socks stuffed in them. You think you had problems with your own shoes having socks stuffed in them, just wait till you try these on.
6. Always wear clean underwear when riding in a car with a new driver. As Bill Cosby said "First you say it then you do it!" Only good thing is that the reporting police officer won't stand too close to you when he/she writes the report.
7.  When you get drowned don't come running to your Dad. (my Dad told me that and so far I have not tried it out but if this was bad advice I will correct that in the future.)
8. If the early bird that gets the worm is such a great idea, how come the worm is on the bad end of the stick?
9. Never work in a career for June, July and August. Those months are reserved for conferences, workshops and classes necessary to keep your certificate current.
10. Never look a gift horse in the mouth. Those horses have big teeth and you will really feel that first bite.
11. Never try to teach a pig to dance. It annoys the pig and wastes your time.
12. Early to rise, early to bed does not necessarily make a man healthy, wealthy and wise. Neither does playing the lottery or going to Casinos. Believe me I have tried all of this. My goal is to be the first rich public school teacher (Rich public school teacher...... is that an oxymoron?).
    
13. Never trust someone who asks "Can I have a minute of your time?"
14. Never trust someone who says "Trust me."
15. When someone tells you they never inhaled, ask them how they can still be alive?
16. When a Dentist says this won't hurt a bit, know that it will hurt a lot.
17. When someone says "I will make this as painless as possible, it's going to hurt......real badly.
18. When someone says that "they will be right back" right back may take several days and usually takes hours.
19. When you are in a hurry, events will make you be in a slow.
20. People who write lists like this have way too much time on their hands.