Wedding Planning Blues

Vegas???

That is truly sad of a pastor to do that! Everyone has their choices in life and I am sure he has his reason be it right or wrong. I have friends who knew each other 3 days and got married in Vegas. Everyone said it would never last. 15 years later they are so in love, have a beautiful family and you would never know they only knew each other 3 days on their wedding day. It does not matter how long you know someone. How long you wait or don't wait to get married.

I would suggest to you, to talk to a pastor from another church. I know you would not know them well and it's a shorter notice but most of the time they are willing. You might have to meet with them a few times. Each church has their "rules" and things.

Also, the courthouse does have people that will perform the ceremony at the site of your choosing too.

Do not let this get you down. Maybe this is a test of faith. Maybe there is someone else that you are to meet. Maybe God gave you this obsticle for a reason.

Go get married & Congratulations!

Im being insensitive.

Seriously, do you understand what the pastor is saying? Is there any truth to what he is saying? He has probably seen a lot and has learned a lot. I would say to take what he says to heart....if you really have faith in him and trust him....there is a reason you do.
Otherwise.....VEGAS! lol

Best wishes, Michele. ♥

Haha Jackie. Funny thing is I was just thinking about telling him we should just call the whole thing off and elope. Myrtle Beach is 45 minutes from here and a great place to elope. LOL.

Sara~ thank you. We both trust him with alot. But, he just got ordained earlier this summer, and ours would have been his first wedding. We both think that this is a test of our faith like you mentioned. We both strongly believe that God put us together for a reason. If that is the case, why should we wait? I understand the pastor's reasons for what he said, but I don't think that he should refuse to do it if we don't agree with him. I do respect his opinion, and even his decision. But, I still think we will go ahead with it. I just checked into some ministers in the Charlotte, NC area to get contact information. We are going to discuss it tonight when I get home from work, and we may have to call someone else to see if they will do it.

Jackie~ I don't think you were being insensitive at all! I was serious about Myrtle Beach. If he is willing to do it then I am all for it.

oh my gosh......i am sorry Michele.

really truly....i know you must be upset.

Yes, LaB. I am truly upset. I wish I wasn't at work right now. If my supervisor was here today I would go home. But, I'm the manager. I have to be here.

Everyone should have the freedom to determine certain things without other people interferring and marriage is definitely one of those things. I agree - elope!

Thanks, Jennifer. The magistrate is looking better and better.

Well, I have contacted another minister from Charlotte. She does wedding ceremonies for people in the area. I'm waiting to hear back from her to see if she is available on October 20.

I don't think it is sad of the pastor to do that. He has your best interest at heart. I do think you need to talk with him *together* and learn his reasons. It seems he recognizes issues in your reationship and is concerned about problems in the future. Has he talked to you about premarital counseling? GET IT!!! Go to Engaged Encounter. Face up to whatever your issues are so you won't be even sadder--or divorced--in the future. Marriage is hard work and that work starts during engagement.

Remember that Satan can use your hormones to get in the way of hearing God's voice in prayer. Ddon't let your intense desire for each other to interfere with good sense or truly hearing God's voice.

How long have you known each other? It is commonly said that a couple should date for at least 2 years before getting engaged; it takes that long for real personality issues to emerge. Your pastor may be very wisely wanting you to have more time to grow together before you are in for life.

I am a licenced biker, I think I can perform ceremoies while going down the road.

I read in the newspaper that a couple got married by their friend who just got the licenced, as their wedding present :^)
Best of luck!

Haha Jody. That would be hilarious.

Thank you, Julya.

Dorine,
I understand why he has chosen not to perform our ceremony. I also respect his decision. We are already undergoing premarital counseling, so that is not an issue. And I do understand that marriages are hard work. I'm divorced now, so I know how much there is to lose. We have prayed about this together, read the Bible for direction, and talked it through. We are going to go ahead with the wedding as planned. But, we are looking for another officiant.

Go with your instincts, Shel.

Shanny, that's exactly what I plan to do.

Michele. I somehow missed the last few days of articles (getting my phone fixed and other things going on here) but I know what you mean. You know that Walker and I got married by a JP in AZ, but that we want to do a more formal cerimony here in Canada. We are having one HELL (and yes I meant to use that word!!) of a time finding a Mormon and a Presbyterian who are willing to work TOGETHER!!!! I'm not going to let them get to us. Atleast we have the licence signed.... we don't need a clergy to sign for us. I am glad we took the neutral route, and now we have time to PLAN!!!!

I'm sorry you're having so much trouble. Weddings are about the people getting married (I even hesitate to say "bride and groom" since same sex marriages are legal where I am in Canada) and NOT ABOUT OTHERS ON THE OUTSIDE WHO DON'T AGREE!!

If GOD is telling you something, YOU NEED TO DO IT!!!!!!!

Thanks Leah. That's what I thought too. I'm doing what God tells me, not what man or woman tells me.

RIGHT ON, MICHELE!!!! I hate when people question what God tells an individual!!! It's between youand God, and it's not up to others to interfere!! That's what Walker and I believe.

My own mother harassed me about this. She told me last week that so and so thought God was telling her to get married the first time she did and boy was she wrong and would even say so. I was like well good for her! Finally my mom said that she would just shut up because I wouldn't listen to reason from her or anyone and I was like you're right, I won't listen. I mean, I will be answering to God on judgement day, not her or anyone else. If it's a mistake it's mine to make not hers. But, I know this is not wrong. It is the thing God intended from us. We knew that from day one. She'll get used to it and if she doesn't then it's her problem, not mine.

Something similar just happened to me and my now wife. We were getting so much flack that we ended up looking at each other and I found the closest Justice of the Peace (50 miles away!) The minister of the church she was christened in and grew up in refused to perform the ceremony.

MIchele, right on!! It's between you and GOD, not you and people!! This is why Walker and I do things first, and tell people about them LATER!!! My sister is worried about us now!!! She really doesn't need to be.

You said it, Walker!! Now that we are legally married, we can do the "cerimony" ourselves, for all we care. I am going to take one more shot at finding a local minister, and if this doesn't work, we don't need a freaking MINISTER!!!

Since you are inviting total strangers to comment on your most serious life decisions, I would encourage you to weigh the concerns of the several clergypersons who decline to marry you.

The world is filled with failed marriages and failed persons who convinced themselves that what they wanted to do "real bad" must be the voice of God.

Peter, Thank you for your comment. I disagree on a few instances, however. First, I am not inviting anyone to comment on my life decision. I have made the choice, and it is done. I was only asking for comments on my situation. I was sharing my feelings at the time and anyone who reads it has the right to respond. Second, I do understand the concerns of the ONE clergy person who would not marry us. I also understand that he no longer wishes to speak to us- at all. While I do not hold this against him or begrudge him in any way, at the same time I disagree with his behavior in the matter. As for the second clergy, my pastor, we never asked her to perform the ceremony because she was unable to know if she could even make it out of town to our wedding. While she said that she does not necesarily agree with the choices we made she feels more strongly that she should support us in our decision because the only thing that really matters is the salvation of our souls. My parents divorced when I was four years old, my younger sister and I both have divorces in our past. I understand your caution about failed marriages. However, I don't agree. You see, God has given me visions and dreams about my future and how I should handle this in my life. I know I am doing the will of God for my life. That is all that matters to me.

Walker~ Leah's already told me all about the situation with you two. We each can empathize with the other in our struggles to get our marriages going. I wish you both much joy and happiness with the Lord and with each other.

Peter, the world is full of people who failed at a lot of things. People like Jeremy & Michele, and Walker & I should not have to suffer because of the mistakes of idiots.

Thank you Michele for your wish to Walker and I. I also agree with your response to Peter. I never write about something if I have not yet decided on it. You are like me in that you decide and then share!! Good for you. That's a good way to do things.

Walker has had to get used to that about me (he's been divorced I have not), but he learned quickly that if I was only going to think of myself, I wouldn't have gotten involved with him in the first place. Now we've learned how to move together, and decide mutually.

I'm trying to teach Jeremy to decide mutually. He is 20 and still thinks of himself alot. But, he is making vast improvements. I just chalk it up to him being young.

Michele, you're right about him being young. Why do you think I'm 25 and married a guy in his 60s? LOL A guy my age woudln't survive in my presence...I'd eat the poor thing alive!!!!! haha

Walker and I have had our rough patches mainly because of his divorce, but I've kept at him that I am NOT the ex(es) and that he needs to remember why he fell in love with ME because I am ME and not to blame ME for being ME.

I never make a mutual decision without Walker, and he's gotten a lot better at not making mutual decisions without me.

Jeremy keeps telling me he is not my ex husband. I think it is my family he should tell that too, not me. I am perfectly aware of the fact that he is not my ex. Thank God in Heaven for that.

Right on, Michele.

As I think I mentioned Walker's ex and I have a lot of similar personality traits, but we use them differently...just like your explanation to me about tithing in your church vs what I thought it meant. ;-) Same thing, different idea.

Yep, it happens like that sometimes.

A quality is only negative when it is used improperly. Remember that cops and robbers both carry weapons. Ironic at times, isn't it?

Yes it is.