I’m sick of being nice
Nice is the worse thing to say. And so many people say it, “Oh isn’t she nice.” But really what are they saying? Are they trying to tell me that I’m agreeable, that I nod my head like a pundit on CNN? Maybe I should get a bobble head made in my image so they can keep on calling me nice. I’m sick of it.
Nice doesn’t tell me I’m kind, or generous, or even anything worth while. It’s easy to slap on a Vaseline smile and say, “Oh isn’t that soooo nice.” But truthfully what do we mean when we say, “nice”? If a wife turns to her husband and asked, “How do I look in this?” he may respond, “Nice.” Is he saying that he think she looks lovely, perhaps, but is he saying it so he doesn’t get in trouble? Maybe that too.
Growing up I have been told, “Play nice”, I have been told, “Act nice”, it seems as though it has been drilled into me that it’s more important to be nice than honest. Watching some news show I can’t recall the name, they had a group of young children, both boys and girls and had them sample a terrible tasting piece of candy. The boys were more apt to tell their honest opinion, “It tastes yucky”, while the girls were more apt to say, “It’s nice”. What are we teaching our children? What are we teaching our girls?
Let’s conform and don’t rock the boat. Let’s all just be “nice” to each other. It seems that we all like to skirt around the issues so we don’t cause a scene, but how is this helpful? Two opinions in contrast, but in order to placate there is always a “nice” person. I’m sick of being nice.
How are we ever to find a solution if it’s more important be accommodating than honest? This is not to say to stir the pot just to spill the stew, but letting it just simmer will only divide the pieces in the end result. If there is nothing to say, then say nothing. If there is something to say then say something, but don’t just say “nice” to be amiable.
Many have said to me, “Try to be more gracious, be harmonious, don’t cause trouble“. But in the end playing “nice” will only result in lies and bitterness. If everyone is jumping off a bridge, should I be more gracious and try not to knock the harmonious balance by jumping as well? I’m done playing nice.
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Comments: 27
This is an extremely well written essay. I hope others on Gather take your lead and prepare well thought out, grammatically correct, and exceptionally interesting writings and comments.
Thanks
That is a sad observation on young children. They are socialized in a sexist manner from day one.
Sometimes people tell girls to be nice so they will keep their mouth's shut and be good little girls.
Never aspire to mediocrity.
Love your fresh opinion.
Sorry for the confusion.
Thanks for clearing up any confusing. That was eloquently put and surmised much better than I did in my rant.
I was raised in an old fashioned Southern culture where I was taught that honesty came first above everything else. Of course I was also taught to be polite and hospitable ( not nice, nice is different ) however even honesty came before being polite and hospitable.
Most ' Nice' people whom I know are simpley pushovers and butt kissers.
Hope that makes some sense.
Again thank you and your comments are always insightful and interesting. And again thank you for understanding the point on my other article on Death and Diamonds.
Heather
Thank you for always being there to read my rants and tirades. Although some times they are mere rants you always seem to pull the best parts of them.
I must add that since I first read one of your articles about a week ago, you've shown your comical side, your intellectual side as well as your serious side.
You can bet that I'll be there to read more of your rants. I'm impressed..what else can I say?
I had to find some where to rant, my cat's tired of listening. Plus he's terrible at responding, and rarely even shows interest.
Those damn cats..they always seem to be caught up in themselves don't they?
He has a notion that everything revolves around him. No matter how convincing my argument may be, it has yet to dis sway him.
And yes it is a pain when people put "Nice" about what you did. Nice is so over used, when someone can use other words to say something.
Thanks for sharing - you ARE a contradiction!
Two old friends, who hadn't seen each other in fifteen years, met for lunch one day, to catch up.
"I got married and my husband just bought me a 24K gold necklace," said the first woman.
"That's nice," said the second.
"And he bought me a Mercedes sports car for our anniversary."
"That's nice."
"And he bought me a house along the beach for my birthday."
"That's nice."
"I heard you were married and went through a messy divorce - what did your husband get for you while you were together?"
"He sent me to finishing school."
"What did you learn at finishing school?"
"To say 'that's nice' instead of 'f**k you!'"