I read the daily email from my mother. It told of the day's activities, the weather, her doctor's appointments, and that my Dad was smoking again. My sister, my mother, and I are all livid, and my Dad is feeling sorry for himself because we are all mad at him.
He recently had surgery to remove a lobe of his lung due to lung cancer. He was so thankful and relieved that he did not have to undergo chemotherapy. Perhaps he got off too easy because it's apparent he has not learned anything from it. He was given another chance and he is blowing it.
My Dad has always been a bit stubborn and selfish. This is the most selfish act of all. I guess smoking is more important to him than the promise he made to his family. I've learned now that I can't believe him when he tells me he quit smoking, and he will never smoke again.
Tomorrow is Father's Day, and I'm feeling very conflicted. I know I should call, but it will not be genuine. I have lost respect for my Dad, and that's really sad.
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Comments: 13
I'm afraid that if you don't call him, you might feel guilty later, especially if he is not around for long. Time is short. Life is shorter.
Tell him you want to have many more father's days with him, and you fear you will not.
I understand your anger, but he probably is angry enough at himself.
Nancy, I know it's very addictive and for years I've tried to be understanding of that. I thought having to remove a part of his lung would help overcome that. I didn't even think of it, but he probably is mad at himself (and he should be!) Thanks for giving me perspective.
Your father's suffering has only really beginning. When his mind becomes detached with wide awake dreams or he tries to speak lucidly but his words come out of his mouth as gibberish from lack of oxygen and/or too much carbon dioxide then calling him won't matter. He won't know who you are...
My mom smoked through radiation and til
Her last dying day.
Love sees through the smoke.
Hugs to you darling Laurie!