As the bright blood red half sun began to rise and flood the small sand block building with sunlight like high tide, Vilov sat in front of the map wrack sifting through hundreds of maps. Vilov sat there unwrapping the maps covers, unfolding each map, and carefully looking over its details. His eyes got heavy and dry from the lack of blinking. And then he had finally found it, a map of a trail that leads under the Pacific Ocean for the diseased and genetically altered to go to America to be treated without being attacked by border patrol. Vilov stood up with the map in his hands; he blinked multiple times to swipe the crust and filth out of his eyes that had built up over the last couple hours. He got up off his sour knees and was on his way out of the sand block building. He walked out into the street and his eyes squinted not being adjusted to the sunlight. Vilov took his time walking down the streets of Doxy, Egypt. He decided to take this as a victory stroll. "Another successful retrieve." Vilov thought to himself. In his deep thought he stepped in a puddle of a brown and bluish liquid, some kind of chemical waste. Puddles of random chemical make ups were scattered all over, some like tiny pools. The reflections of the grimy stone and sand block buildings rippled in the water agitated by Vilov's footstep. Stones and sand fell from what used to be business run out of the town's people's homes and black smoke rose into the air from small campfires with 3-legged (two legs in the front one in the back) horses with long strands of fur all over their bodies. The horse's long fur helped shelter the people that crowded around under the horses from the cold along with the heat of the fire. Vilov looked to his right, off in the distance and saw the dwellings of the Diviner. It stood out because a bright light from it always shot up into the heavens.
About 45 minutes later he arrived at the ruins of a two-story stone block building. It was just as grimy and covered in chemical muck as the other buildings and surroundings. He walked up to the door and knocked on it softly with his left hand, hard with his right hand, then kicked the bottom of the door. After a little shuffling around in the old building, the door opened. "Did you get it?" asked a voice. "Yes. And I we killed the guards as you asked." Replied Vilov as he pulled out the map out of his sac and held it out. Slowly a long arm reached out to grab the map. This arm's skin was a normal color but scaly dry and hard like that of an alligator's. When the map came in contact with the arm, and the hand clenched the map, visible skin flakes fell from the hand. The hand arm pulled in the map in the darkness of the inner building Vilov could make out people crowding around the person with the map. A couple people had bad limps. He heard them converse about the map and look it over. Then a small bag the size of one's palm was thrown out of the door at Vilov. Vilov caught it and loosened the drawstring and saw oval shaped rubies, sapphires, emeralds, and diamonds with a variety of different insects in them. This was the currency of Egypt. There were 4 different insects in 4 different jewels. In the rubies were the most common, a roach, no different than roaches of our world. In the sapphires was the second most common insect, a baby black widow spider. In the emeralds were the second most rare insects, leaf bugs; these bugs were strangely identical to leaves in order to blend in with their former natural forest habitat. Lastly, in the Diamonds were the most rarest of all insects; a butterfly. A rare species with no name, its body was green with white hairs sticking out of it. Its wings were pure white with green streaks, speckled with black dots with white hairs coming out of the edges of the wings. In Vilov's sac were 50 rubies, 25 sapphires, 6 emeralds, and an astonishing 3 diamonds. For such a poor people to have even a few emeralds was amazing, let alone diamonds. "Thank you." Said the voice. "Good luck on your journey." Vilov said as he began to walk off.
Vilov strolled down the final stretch of road to his safe house. The half sun was now up at a decent position, and people started coming out of their homes and going to the market place or opening their shops to get the day started. There was a medley of different kind of people among the dirt roads of the town. There were the normal people, like Vilov's brother Var, and there were the mutants and their many subcategories. There were ones mutated to look like animals such as moles and others like reptiles. Some people only had small details of themselves changed, like the few people with radium eyes that shined and glowed brighter than a diamond in direct sunlight. And there were those with no feet, they were easily stood out because they all used crutches as their legs. Resting their legs on the rests of the crutch and swinging each crutch back and fourth at a certain speed to keep balance, and when they needed to stop they'd hop down off them. Finally, there were those like Vilov with a slightly enhanced mind. These people could metaphorically see right through people, to their true motives and feelings. These people understood how people really worked, almost as well as the Diviner. These people weren't rare, or common, but were amid the two. Some were more aggrandized than others. This was only in Doxy; the mutations were worse or not so bad in other parts of Egypt. Vilov was finally home, his safe house that he and his brother had built when they decided to get into the Larceny business. The safe house was a medium sized stone brick building that was strategically built hidden away in the center of 4 other buildings whose corners and sides touched, leaving it completely blocked off, except for a small almost unnoticeable alley way that lead into the complex to the front door. Vilov opened the door, knowing it was unlocked, and walked in. There was a table in the middle covered with tools and weapons that were in pieces; finished weapons were hung up on the walls, almost completely covering it. On the other side of the room was a staircase that led to the second story. Which was the bedroom that Vilov and Var shared. Vilov took stopped at the table and took out the contents of his burlap sac and put it on the table. He took out his tiny ball explosives, about 30 of them, his V-shaped dagger, his pipe and poisonous blow darts with metal hollow tips to store the poison, and finally the small bag with the money. He took the empty burlap sac and the bag upstairs with him to see Var sitting on his bed made of straw and multiple thin sheets. His bed was big enough for him; he made it himself and Vilov's. Vilov sat down on his own straw bed across the small room from Var's bed. "How did we do?" Var said with a grunt, he was putting ice on his ankle. "Did you pang your ankle jumping down from that roof last night?" Vilov asks already knowing the answer to the question. "Funny how that stuff happens eh..." Var said with a silence afterwards with out the usual laughter someone would expect after some one used the word 'funny' in a sentence. "Well if you hadn't been so ostentatious, you would be fine and dandy now wouldn't you?" Vilov snapped at him. "Well if you were a bit more flashy, I wouldn't have to make up for your lack of flash." Var snaps back. They both laughed at the stupidity of their comments and Vilov gets up and sat down next to Var on his bed, and spills out the bag on the floor right by their feet. "Here my brother is the avail." Vilov said as he picked up the jewels and letting them slip through his hands like sand. "They must have been impressed. We just made a killing for a really small job." Var said with a smug grin on his face. "We are very fortunate that those mutants were in such desperate need of that map." Vilov said happily. Vilov grabbed the jewels and got up and walked over to the corner of the room were there were jars full of jewels collected from previous heists. There were three jars; one for rubies, one for sapphires, and one for emeralds. Vilov put the rubies, sapphires and emeralds in their respective jars, but he still had the three diamonds in his hand. He went downstairs to retrieve a fourth jar and came back up stairs to set it down by the other three jars, and he placed the 3 diamonds in the empty jar. "And now we rest!" Vilov says falling back onto his bed and stretching. His mind drifts off to dreamland and soon he was asleep.
Vilov and Var were still sleeping in their room when the ground began to oscillate. The tremors got larger and larger by the minute till they eventually awoke in a small panic. "The hells going on now?" yawned Var. "Vilov go check it out." Vilov gets up and walked downstairs to go investigate. Then just a few seconds later, he ran back in exclaiming, "Come outside and see this!" So Var got up and limped down the stairs and out the front door into the main street with the other town's people and looked up gawking at the sky. The sky had turned a deep purple around where the Diviner's dwellings were. The blue light that shined up to the Heavens got brighter. The clouds parted and three faces appeared in the sky, the values on their faces were made up of aura borealis. The people were hysterically running about not knowing what to do or what was going on. Vilov and Var stood at the edge of the alleyway just barely on the street, waiting for what they both knew to be the Gods to speak. Just then the loud booming voices of the Gods were heard. "Children of the Gods! We have shown ourselves today why for you to be enlightened in our ways. You, and everything else in this world, are our creation, our flesh and blood cut from us and placed on the ball of clay vegetation called Earth. When we insipiently created this world and universe, its intent was to see what self sustaining how self sustaining life would perform...And the Gods are not pleased. We have shown ourselves to you today for the true purpose of telling you. Your days are circumscribed. You have 6-oths until judgment day. And during the 6-month time period, the dead will rise from their graves and live among you for the remaining time. All of Earths people, past and present, will be ad hoc for our final judgment." And just as fast as they appeared, the 3 Godly aura borealis drawn faces in the purple sky disappeared and the sky turned back to its normal gray and the half sun turned back from black to its original blood red. A dead silence fell upon the town, as they pondered what had just been told to them. And in total shock, Var mutters out "...My God..."
(Feel free to leave constructive crticism)


Comments: 17
Your paragraph's are a bit long, which makes it hard to read. Here are some fundamental tips.
When someone speaks; they get their own paragraph, always.
When punctuating dialogue, it goes something like this. She said, "blah, blah" or "blah, blah," she said.
"Yes. And I we killed the guards as you asked." Replied Vilov as he pulled out the map out of his sac and held it out.
Punctuations should be; "Yes, and I, we killed the guards as you asked," replied Vilov, as he pulled the map (from) his sack, (holding it) out."
rack, not wrack. sore knees? you've got sour knees. Sack, not sac (unless it's an egg sac like a spider)
In the beginning you are using the word 'map' way too much, it's distracting. See where you can use 'it' or a different descriptive. When you are writing about the 'Arm', you use 'arm, and hand' too much.. This is normal, especially when you want to make sure your reader understands, but again look where you can use different descriptions.
The enemy of most writer's 'that'. You've used that where (I think) which would work better. Also check, by reading out loud, where it can be deleted altogether.
These are things we all had to learn at one point or another. Don't let it drag you down though, keep writing.. you have a good imagination.
I think you show great promise as a writer; however, you have a long way to go with your mechanics.
I understand much of what is presented on Gather is 'first draft' but to me, how seriously you take your mechanics tells me how seriously you take your work.
Writing is hard work; great writing is damn hard work.
Good luck to you...