A Brutally Honest Assessment of the Recent Holiday

     December started out promisingly -- with a frosty six-inch blast of snow. As we watched that layer dwindle, the doldrums slowly sunk in. By the time of the 22nd, I was ready to hibernate completely through the rest of the month. But then something wonderful happened.

     I started taking melatonin at night, and the next morning I felt completely rested and refreshed. In the winter, when we get less sunlight, that also means that our melatonin levels decline. So it helps to replenish them. Plus I just needed something to calm me down, with all the holiday hubbub and stimulation the day brings.

      Once those packages started to arrive through the mail, my spirits were totally perked. And this "newfound glory" seemed contagious -- it made me more sociable as well. I arrived early to greet our first party guests.

     But then after the other guests arrived, reality began to set in. My funky JamCam digital camera began acting up and so I fed it a new battery. Unfortunately it was only a "Heavy Duty" -- about as lethargic as the Spinal Tap song of the same name!

      And doesn't it always seem that when you want to take a photo of someone opening your presents, they take the "covert" approach? This is a problem we've always seemed to have. But since Ross had his new video camera, I guess he had it covered. Plus I was just getting scowled at by the guest in question; if I want to see something like that, I can just look at a squirrel in the tree!

      So the moral of the story is that it's foolhardy to expect someone to behave the way you want them to, especially when receiving gifts. Young people nowadays are probably the most prosperous generation yet, so your humble offerings would likely just have a peripheral value. They'll get to them in their own sweet time, after they're rapidly squirreled away. (Another scowl.)

      On the bright side, I did manage to get an iPod shuffle and I've already used it to transmit songs over the radio. The Parker pen and flashing lava lamp pen were also nice -- more inspiration for future Gather projects. Other gifts included wildlife and pet calendars, socks, and holiday stockings. So altogether it was a nice, concise Christmas.

      But why don't retailers disclose the full terms of their gift cards? So we could tell how long we actually get the full amount. That would be a nice gesture of consumer-friendliness. Otherwise, I'll still have a small bone to pick with a store that might well be renamed "Retarget." I guess their pit bull mascot managed to eat up the fine print of the gift card policy!

      Still, my complaints are extraordinarily minor when compared with what "the man upstairs" is thinking of this spectacle. It seems to me I recall him creating a son, over two thousand years ago, to save our souls and turn away the moneychangers. So how do we honor his legacy by rewarding those same moneychangers? It seems that some lessons just need to be re-learned, over and over, through the years.

      And that's the thought I'll leave you with -- for a blessed New Year.  One that will finally bring a desperately needed peace on earth, for this miraculous humanity created in his image. Let love rule!