Creating Characters Assignment

Okay..I am asking for constructive critisizm. My writing assignment was to create a character only using physicallity, action or speech. (or all 3 combined) I could not use "Thought". I had to start with the sentence that I have underlined and had to keep it at 500 words.

My main question is this, after reading the essay, "Were you able to see the characters in your mind?" Were you bored?

Any constructive feedback is appreciated.

~

Michelle was not the type of girl you'd want to marry but she currently occupies the leading role in my ongoing fantasies. Working the evening shift at Starbucks to supplement my occasional acting paychecks, I've come to anticipate her nightly late appointments with her worn notebook and steaming caramel mocha cappuccino.

Each evening, without being overly friendly or flirtatious, she orders her cup in a polite but brusque manner. Doing away with any thoughts of making small talk, she pays for her order then eagerly sits down and opens her work.

The night I asked her name, the expression on her face was one of reluctance. I assured her that I like to know the names of all of my regulars and that I wasn't trying to invade her privacy. Her voice was low and soothing and left me wanting to hear more. With a slow and feminine sway, she silently left me standing in awe.

Each night between customers, I covertly watch her every move. The way she continually pushes her glasses up further on her upturned nose is a constant source of entertainment for me. When she is deeply engrossed in her work, she unknowingly twists her long, dark tresses around her pen. I want to ask her what she is writing but her intense concentration continually discourages me from interrupting.

Michelle is not the type of girl that I am usually attracted to. My history thus far has been with the sexier, flamboyant girls of the nightclubs that I frequent. I can't understand why this understated and quiet girl has gotten in my head and won't go away.

I've never had a problem approaching the opposite sex and being vocal with my intentions, but Michelle brings about a different side of me.  Each night in my head, I attempt to compose various ways to initiate conversation that will make me seem intelligent and thoughtful. So far it has proved impossible and I remain tongue-tied whenever she is in front of me.

Tonight I am going to act like a man and find the courage to talk to Michelle.  I swallowed past the lump in my throat, took a deep breath and went over.

"Um, Michelle, hi."

She looked up at me with her deep brown eyes and gave a quiet hello, then returned to her writing.

"Um, I'm Josh." I murmured so that she would not hear the shake in my voice.

"I know, you told me your name three weeks ago."

This was my chance to either make this work or blow it forever, so I sat down and took her tiny hand in mine.

"How would you like to go for coffee, um, I mean go out for dinner sometime?"

Michelle looked at me and with a slow smile she said the words that I had only dreamed of hearing.

"Josh, I thought you'd never ask."

I looked down and much to my amusement and amazement, the paper in her notebook was covered in a long stream of one repetitive word.

"Josh"