Member since:
March 28, 2007

How a Book Can Change a Life (Book Review of Mother's Need Time-Outs Too)

May 30, 2008 05:36 PM EDT (Updated: June 05, 2008 12:08 PM EDT)

views: 129 | comments: 29

Over the past week and a half, I have been reading a book that has seriously changed something in my life. When I first read about Mother's Need Time-Outs Too written by the three women Susan Callahan, Anne Nolen and Katrin Schumann, I knew this was a book I had to have, as I have been trying to rediscover my self for the past year or so.

When I began the process of self-discovery in August, it was after having lost my mother a few months before. I had my oldest son while still in college, and my mother was diagnosed with ALS during my pregnancy. I worked so hard in school, because I wanted to prove to myself and everyone else, that having my son would not destroy my dreams, and because I wanted to make my mother proud. Between motherhood and taking five or six classes every semester trying to keep my GPA at the top, the stress really took a toll on me. I was pushing myself so hard that I managed to graduate in three years with a 3.9 GPA and a two-year-old son.

Then came the time, where my fiancé lost his job, and I knew I had to find a great job to keep us afloat, while he got back on his feet. I left the childrearing to my fiancé, and every morning I left the house at 7 a.m. to take the bus to Manhattan. When I got off from work, I made the almost two hour journey back to our apartment, where I knew my son would be waiting to be tugged in for the night.

After a Christmas vacation in Denmark, my father asked me to come home to help out with my mother, as they were having lots of problems with their helpers, and because my mother's health was deteriorating rapidly. I talked it over with my husband, and we both knew there was only one thing I could do. A month later, my two -and-a-half year- old son and I were on an airplane back to Denmark once again.

My mother was so excited, and although the disease could only get worse, it slowed down a bit. It was a wonderful opportunity for the two of us, but it was also stressful knowing that I was responsible for my mother's life. The helper situation was still bad, and I ended up picking up all the hours that we were lacking helpers, which meant a work week of up to 80 hours. We lived with my parents, and my dad helped out with my son, but I will admit that my son did not get much alone time with his mom during this period.

Life went on, and I ended up on maternity leave for a year, when I gave birth to my second son. I had managed to train someone, who could take my place on my mother's team of helpers, and I had moved into my own apartment in my parents' little town. This way I only had to help out for a few hours here and there, whenever they needed it, and the rest of the time I focus on being a daughter and mother.

In February of last year my sons and I returned to Florida to live with my husband, who had been patiently travelling back and forward. We had not seen him in nine months though, and it was quite an adjustment for our family of four to live under one roof again.

In May we went back to Denmark for three months, as my mother had decided she wanted to get the ventilator turned off.

This was the short version of my story, but I wanted to start with this to let you know how utterly confused and lost I felt after my mother's death. Taking care of my mother and my children had become such a big part of my life that I had lost myself somewhere in the process.

In August my oldest son started pre k, and I used the mornings to go on exploration adventures with my youngest son, while I was still trying to figure out, who I was besides being a mom. I had the urge to do so, but I seemed to lack the tools.

When I first read about book Mothers Need Time-Outs Too, I had finally begun to make time for a yoga dvd once in a while, and my husband had finally realized how much it did for me and our relationship that I got two hours to myself once in a while, even if it was only once a month.

Picking up Mothers Need Time-Outs Too was the perfect thing for me to do. I am a big multitasker, and with two kids, a house to take of, meals to be cooked and trying to earn a little online as well, I knew I had to sit down with this book.

The authors suggest that you start your own Women's Workbook to put down your thoughts, which I find to be an excellent idea, as it really is a way to straighten out the confusion of what I consider to be my thoughts.

The book really focuses on how it is important for all of us to let go of the need to be perfect, and to take time-outs to ourselves. When I first started reading it, I knew this would be more difficult said than done, but I decided to make an attempt.

Mothers Need Time-Outs Too also concentrates around the importance of self-awareness, and it gives you tools to find your way back to who you are as a person.

One sentence that really struck me was: "Does your imagination have an outlet?" I thought about this, and while I first thought my answer would be yes, as I have taken up photography, I realized that although this might have something to do with self-awareness, it really did not have that much to do with my imagination. The authors suggest that you look back on what made you excited as a child, and when I did this, I knew what I was missing.

I used to have a vivid imagination, and my dreams would be a combination of my unconsciousness and the imaginary stories I thought up, while I was still awake. I would then write the stories down as they unfolded in my imagination.

That night after my husband and the kids had gone to bed, I found my inspiration in a photo I had taken of a Magnolia bloom, and I simply could not stop writing.

The book also focuses on multitasking, but I will admit that letting this habit go is more difficult than it sounds. As a matter of fact I would read the book, while riding my stationary bike. What the authors did get me to realize is how important exercise and getting fit is to me, and how important it is for me to let go of other things in my life, in order to find the time for exercise.

One of my pet peeves has been that the boys' room needed to be clean at all times, and if they take out a new box of toys, they need to clean up the mess they have already made. My compromise was to let my boys go in their room, close the door, and play for as long as they wanted. I would not check on them, and I would not ask them to quite down.

Instead, I put in a Martina McBride cd in the stereo, I would get the book and I would start exercising. If you do not already get the feeling of how great this book is, let me tell you this. I usually spend 15 minutes on the bike max, before I get too bored with it. Now, my time on the bike is between 25 and 45 minutes.

This time-out for me and play time without supervision for the boys are becoming a routine in our home, and I think we are all reaping the benefits.

The authors Callahan, Nolen and Schumann have really done their homework with this book, and the layout is different than what I am used to, but most importantly it works. While these three smart women explain the significance of mom time-outs, and of how self-awareness is an essential part of our happiness, they manage to weave in stories from other moms around the world. Instead of just telling us how to do it, how to find those precious minutes of ME time, they are even more successful by showing us how to do it. I could relate to so many of the stories of other mothers, whether it was a stay-at-home mom like me, or a working mom like I used to be.

I can continue writing and praising this amazing book, but what I really want to do is urge other mothers to pick up the book. It can really be life changing, and even if you just pick up one or two of the suggestions, you will be able to notice a difference in your own life, and in the way that you think of yourself.

I think we all as mothers deserve to get to know ourselves, and we owe to our children to show that they too can live fulfilling lives, as long as they find a balance.