Prince Harry Meets Paris Hilton

Like many of our Canadian compatriots we are pretty ambivalent toward the British Royal Family. Sure, most Canadians have a soft spot for Queen Elizabeth, but that has more to do with her being on the currency and how good it feels to find a forgotten 20 in a pair of jeans you just washed.

We included only one tale involving royalty in our who’s who of drunks, The Man Who Scared a Shark to Death and Other True Tales of Drunken Debauchery, and that concerned a footman who was adding whiskey to the water bowls of the royal corgis – an offense which, although funny, resulted in his demotion (and terrible canine hangovers during which the corgis wrote some of their best stuff).

Since then, when any royal is in the news we get all misty-eyed and almost regret the fact that this colorful family is no longer cracking the colonial whip and sending the degenerate misfits among their nobility to oversee our affairs.

Prince Harry, the third in line to the throne (the one the kings sit on, not where you can be found the morning after a night at Uncle Chili’s House of Hot), has long impressed us.

Unlike his elder brother, who has of late made a half-hearted effort to paint himself a fun loving guy by piloting RAF helicopters to private functions, Prince Harry has delivered time and again with drunken partying antics that, had they taken place in the 70s, would have caused someone to go wake up Rod Stewart and tell him all about it.

Prince Harry has partied with strippers, been involved in drunken scuffles with paparazzi, snorted vodka (for those interested in substances more traditionally snorted, check out our Top 10 Cocaine Songs of All Time) and… well… dressed up like a Nazi for a bit of a Halloween laugh.

And just now, when royal watchers figured the young man had his Windsor House in order, he’s befriended celebrity product endorser and star of cinema verite Paris Hilton, who recently took a shine to the prince’s girlfriend Chelsy.

According to reports they ‘talked for ages’, a doubtful prospect indeed as the heiress has a vocabulary less than what an adult gorilla can sign.

Recently, the prince’s old man Chuck was the subject of a 60th birthday roast during which Robin Williams regaled the crowd with jokes about Monica Lewinsky which would not have been out of place if it were 1998 and a “Yo, yo, whassup Wales? House of Windsor, keep it real” introduction that no doubt kept the coat check girls busy with a bottleneck to the exit.