This is for Christians or non Christians. I've watched it work for either.
I had lived a short time with bitterness toward another woman. I hated it. It consumed too, too much of my thoughts and energy. I finally got over the feelings & determined I would never let myself feel that way again.
Then my husband left me for a friend I had introduced him to. The snake slithered in again: jealousy and bitterness.
I told God I couldn't do this. I couldn't live with bitterness. So He began to lead me into the way of escape.
No one can just choose to stop feeling deeply hurt, angry and bitter. But God spelled the way of escape out in the Bible and I'd never seen it before. Neither had I heard this wonderful plan He had drummed through much of the New Testament preached on. Commands, but not in applied detail. I had never gotten the picture.
No matter how bad your circumstance ... how bad your bitterness ... or anger ... or hate ... or jealousy ... God's plan will set you free. And for most or your circumstances, it will actually be fun. The law for loving your enemy is like gravity; it works for everyone.
Please don't think your situation is different. God knew all about you and your problem long before He presented this plan; and He included you :)
I'm doing a short series in a couple of days on 'Loving Your Enemy.'
And there are some incredible answers.
But first things first. Humility and Honesty HAS to proceed your participation.
No one wants to admit being bitter; resentful; jealous; filled with hatred. So we clinch our teeth and say "No I have nothing against anyone. I try to love everyone."
Yeah, right :)
I hope that's true. :) I'm sure you WISH it was true. You want it to be true. And for some of you it is true. But can you look GOD in the eye and say it is true? If you can, great. But many have carried anger and bitterness for years. Is that you? Today is the day to admit it because God offers complete and total freedom if you are willing to let Him make that change in you.
Some get ticked easily ... all the time. Short lived bitterness is a regular part of life. Is that you? Today is the day to admit it because God offers complete and total freedom.
Some call it jealousy. Someone comes into your group that does better than you in your own strengths. Slips easily into your position. Jealousy abounds. You're ashamed but . . . Today is the day to admit it because God offers complete and total freedom.
How many sit down to read, Bible or text book or fiction ... and all of a sudden you realize your mind has been feasting on the anger you have toward the one that does not deserve to be forgiven. You haven't been reading or praying at all. Who does your mind gravitate to? How many are involved? Today is the day to admit it because God offers complete and total freedom.
Who does your mind migrate to when you are lying in bed at night? When you're driving alone in the car? What neighbor do you pretend not to see so you do
n't have to speak to them?
Swallow your pride and shame and take this small step today. We will go through this in a short series that will be kind of fun.
All the comments today need to be along one line. Put down the initials of the one (or many) (Long lists appreciated :) you hold bitterness or jealousy toward. Or ...
Write one word that will speak to you regarding the hateful situation. Or ...
Write a few sentence description of the problem. Or ...
Write a whole list of the people that cause you grief. Or ...
Write a word or initial of the people that irritate you to death when you are around them. O
r ...
If you have a minor child that fights this problem ... put his/her enemies down. You'll learn how to help them love their enemy too. Or ...
Any other way you want to take the step of admitting this problem.
You don't need to feel ashamed. I know you hate having the feeling as much as I did. I'm very proud of anyone choosing to participate.
Later, if you think of another name that needs to be added ... either add a 2nd comment or delete your first one and make your additions and re post. Order should not be important because each of these comments are for your own individual good.
I once asked a close friend to make a list when I was giving this lesson to two women. I had praised God that He brought her because she was the most bitter woman I knew. She stared at the paper a moment, & then said sweetly, "You know I can't think of a single person I'm mad or bitter at." I was dumb struck. We went through the whole thing & she was proud as a peacock at her maturity. She is still bitter.
So don't be too quick to decide you don't have any bitter, angry or jealous feelings; you may be the only one who doesn't know :)
We'll start our adventure in a couple of days.
I wish you well on your list. :) If you feel too uncomfortable to add yourself to the list ... grit your teeth and do it anyway. It may be the first day of the rest of your life :)
Love Your Enemy #2
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Comments: 137
Sometimes an 'enemy' is just temporary. A child or spouse we're ticked at. On the other hand maybe Gather is such a good emotional outlet we're all anger free :)
Cheers.
Jim
You're right Jennifer. We are the only one it hurts. Thanks for coming by.
Ah ha ms Selene...I suspected you might be causing trouble over at the temple :)
I'll admit I have bitterness. I try to deal with it in healthy ways by realizing that person is hurting himself. But in the reality of my mind it doesn't help my circumstance one iota to know that he's hurting himself. His messups are hurting others and NOT just himself and there is absolutely NO way to get that through his head.
The initials are:
SP
CJ
SC
SR
Sometimes these initialed ones irritate the hound outa me. One or two of them are extremely exasperating and frustrating know-it-alls. That bugs the crap out of me and they know it but continue doing it. I don't understand it and don't want to understand it. I just want it to stop. I do realize that sometimes through understanding comes healing, but I don't see it here. :-) I smile because I can and it makes me feel better. :-)
You have a wonderful post and your writing style is awesome, Glome. Thank you!
One tiny change in angle and the whole picture shifts. & the opposite, love, improves a whole lot of people.
I hope this series is fun. I do have a lot of examples. & thanks for the list :) even though I'm sorry you have one :)
I read somewhere once that "hate is like acid, it hurts the container you keep it in more than what it is poured on" I know that is not word for word what it said but it has always stayed with me. When I have ever had a person that would just make me shake with anger when I saw them, I would remember that and purge them from my life. The anger and hate was just not worth the damage it would inflict on my life.
I absolutely know there have been people in my life that could have made it on this list but at the current time I cannot put anyone here. The borderline person or two that I could put here don't anger me as much as I pity the actions they take and I accept that there is nothing I can do with them to change it. (I am more the peacemaker)
Blessings and best wishes - S.
The only anger I can not expel is the hellfire fury I feel towards people in my life that TRY to make it bad, TRY to hurt me & my kids. These two particular people seem to dance through any problems and never seem to have to own up or pay for their sins. I fight because I don't want them to win, but sometimes it seems they always win, so why keep fighting?
27 days and counting huh? Merry Christmas?? Can't you go to your family? I shouldn't ask personal questions. But I will be aware of you every day ... counting down with you. Thank you for coming back. Now I know.
I know what you mean; some enemies are kind of like gnats :) You don't feel one way or the other about them unless they're flitting around your face. Hahaha.
And now in love with a wonderful mate. Two good men passing through your life. Fyodor Dostoevsky could have done a wonderful job with that material :)
Thank you for coming by. I will go back and read your story.
Xs are often the most painful. Like you said, having little contact helps sometimes. Still, it would be nice to heal even that old wound.
Thank you for coming by and telling us. I know even that stirred stuff.
I am trying to get over this. I have been praying. I even had another lady pray with me monday about it. As it is tearing me up inside.
I'm impressed with the turnaround you made in your own family. Being there for those who weren't there for you. You'll have your own examples and helps to give us as we go along. That's great progress.
Thanks for coming by and sharing. I didn't think about how painful this might be until I began to read these responses.
At first people don't think so, but as examples come and go, the truths finally begin to settle down into their own particular situation. Stay with us if you can. I'll keep them as short as possible. It's hard to take studies I do in person & put them on Gather as they're too long. I'll break them down into little ones. :)
JJ was my husband for 14 years. I strived to be the perfect wife as defined my mother (oops there is another one and another posting.) During this 14 years, I worked two 8 hour jobs daily while he worked zero. I also was the recipient of my first bloody lip at at 19...for reason I'll not disclose at the moment as it is not relative ~ a bloody lip is a bloody lip ~ I didn't do anything to deserve it other than wanting his company while he chose to go elsewhere.
The reason I feel bitter towards him (and myself ~ another posting) is I allowed our marriage take my youth ~ my dreams ~ and my beauty. I looked a photo of myself at age 22 taken by a friend at at 35 and asked this friend, "who is that?".......I did not even recognize who I was....my life was overwhelmingly his......or as his wife.
Unfortunately, I am bitter still ~ but I have accepted my role in the play ~ I truly cannot blame anyone esle 100%........I was there......I could have said and done so many things I did not. Perhaps I am more bitter with myself (and ANOTHER posting)......I am bitter at his mother for thinking "this is the way it is, and that is it."
on the positive, I forgave myself first.......then JJ, then JJ's mother, then my mother....but today, I am at peace with myself and not bitter in general.........just tired and cautious with my heart........which is why marrying another man after 10 years of being single was a huge milestone for Jean.
love you Glome~j
I could offer a plethora of issues and circumstances where resentment and bitterness might have taken root. I have never allowed this to happen in my life so listing them wouldn't serve the purpose of this article.
I've been lied to, betrayed, abandoned. I've had crimes committed against me and yet, through it all I simply released any residual anger and moved on.
I guess I won't be very helpful in this article.
I really believe anger and bitterness can tear you apart (from the inside out) and it will project itself to those around you.
Sure there are times someone can say or do something that hurts me, but I do not allow it to affect me the way it did before. I don't have any room or energy for it. Thanks for opening a great subject. I'll be interested in following this topic.
I'm struggling with resentment and hurts, I think all of us are whether we admit it or not. Mine are as follows:
JP
BP
SP
JZ
previous job circumstance~ after I left the offender got fired a few months later.
and disappointments by
CV
JZ
I don't think I have any long-term bitterness toward anyone. I do still hold a little grudge (heh) against someone who was mean to me in the 4th grade -- in fact I used her name in one of my unpublished novels as a villain, LOL -- but it's not something that consumes me.
My little bitternesses come and go -- even if I were to list initials they wouldn't be the same tomorrow as they are now.
But this post is excellent, and definitely food for thought.
I do get angry with people, but it's only temporary. As far as I know, there is no one against whom I hold a grudge. It just takes too much energy.
Human nature is so selfish. I could write a long list of people who have
hurt my Mother, my Sister, and myself. But I would prefer to just pray
for them. Great post, Glome. God bless you, Robert W
"Once I learned my dislike didn't hurt the person I disliked ...only me...I learned to get over it."
Anger,
Hostility,
Jealousy,
Ill-will
Mean-spiritedness,
Resentment,
Harassment,
Hatred -- are amongst many of what is called, "that thing".
Most people do so have it, too.
They may say they do not, but they do, Glome.
You know it, and I know it.
Even Paul talked about it, and it is why he needed to crucify his flesh, daily.
My mom used to tell me, "You had better get your heart right, Daughter."
I had no idea what she was talking about, until I did what King David did; he asked the Lord to search his heart. Oh, what a horrible thing that is. A person may not like the outcome. It is also as Jesus knew. After Jesus performed his first miracle, it is written,
"But Jesus did not commit himself unto them, because he knew all men,
And needed not that any should testify of man: for he knew what was in man."
In other words, Jesus knew the hearts of humankind, and I'll leave it at that.
I do not even let it get to the point of ill feelings. Rather, I do as Jesus did. He did it with Satan, and he even did it with Peter. With Peter, it had nothing to do with hatred. He simply said to both of them,
Get away from me. Get out of my face. Get away.
It is best to not have evil, and iniquity around you. That is also scriptural, and it is good.
I believe I said on one post that I hate liars. That is not true; I misspoke. I do not "hate" liars. I may become passionate about liars, and hate what they do, but I do not hate them.
The Lord had to teach me a method of loving everyone at a time when I failed miserably at the task. I was humbled to a point when I was unable to find the answers for myself. Another proof for me of God's existence. God provided a method that I would have never -- of myself, ever thought of; it's failproof. So then, it becomes easy to love the person, even if you despise what they do.
I am one that was CONSUMED by hate and lothing, and even though everyone would tell me I had a right to feel this way......deep inside where my soul/spirit lives I felt horrible and dirty.
God set me FREE, and you my friend speak the truth of your ways in your post, it can work for anyone.
NOW I can HONESTLY SAY that I LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY EVERYONE BUT ESPECIALLY MY ENIMIES WHO ARE HELL-BENT ON CAUSING ME HARM-----
I "FEAR NOT, FOR GREATER IS HE THAT IS IN ME, THEN he WHO IS IN THE WORLD"
That doesn't mean I don't get upset or angry it simply means I no longer HATE and can catch myself quicker now, then before God.
It was a few dozen people that hurt me and called me names throughout my childhood.
I'm not angry at them anymore.
But, it does still carry over into my life now.
I can't truly be happy, because something will happen, that is unexpected or someone wins, and I do not, and it hurts. Because that old feeling of not being good enough swims to the surface again.
And, again, those taunts have run my life.
I try to let it go. I've let go of a lot. But, I still have a long way to go.
Ha ha on all the 'nother posts'. Maybe they'll be posted before we're through :)
It's so helpful to others that are still locked into secrets when some of you that have gone through a lot share your thoughts, failures, regrets and victories.
At first the steps of loving your enemy seem old hat ... but as we work them in ... WE ARE HEARING (EVERYBODY) lights will begin to go on. (My last series subject :):)
Thanks for using the term 'role in the play.' That's a very accurate description. I played the wrong role in my marriage too. A good term that will come in handy :) Glad you're here with us for insights ms G E.
We don't want you to take your wings and fly home ... we want you to stay and help pick up the pieces :)
Besides, I don't know you that well yet; this is my chance.
I'm still glad you're here. Maybe you can pass help on to someone else. Thank you for coming and commenting.
Thanks for coming by.
when my daughter was killed and I knew the person who caused it,,, everything except killing the person cam to mind,,, time heals those who pay attention to the Lords teachings,,, He was the only one who took that anger from me,,,
cool article my Glome,,, so very sorry you were hurt like that,,, Bless you,,,
The word is over because I'll either be glad it's over or be looking forward to when it is over.
Great post, Glome, and I love the graphics!
I went down hill physically and mentally over the last 6 or 7 mo's due to frustration and anger that had no where to be released trying to care for my Mom who lives with me & has become combative and demanding with many broken bones from constantly trying to get out of bed and the chair etc. Even during the night. She was too senile to understand so I couldn't show anger at her ... besides, I really wanted to honor her. On 11-2 she broke 2 bones ... 3 breaks. She's now in the nursing home which I said I'd never do.
So YES, I agree with you SueBee :) PS Now I know I should have done this long ago. I have peace about everything finally.
Doesn't it strike everyone as odd that during our 20's & even early 30's we're in such a mess unknoting all the mistakes and stupidity we've made of our lives without the inteligence to do so ... and then God throws kids into the pile. :):) By the time we begin to say "Oh, I understand now." They're gone.
Honestly though ... I'll be everyone of our kids really learned a lot from us while we were under pressure. Somehow it just seems to work. Here we all are.
I'm glad you'll be following. The basics aren't entirely new at all. The over and over examples are what will help. I'm sure you'll have some of those.
Thanks for coming Renda.
I am absolutely sure there will be helps in the details and examples. I'm hoping some will follow escape path and let us see if it works. It has never failed me.
I teach my kids in philosophy club to qualify their statements. Make few absolutes. I see I just made an absolute statement to you :) Hope I don't have to eat my hat.
I'm kind of like that Tracy. As soon as I get ticked at someone I carry out the principle we're learning & it's over.
Thanks for coming and commenting.
It is hard picturing you irate. You're little dove would fly away.
I'm glad you're here. You give the room a hushed feeling :)
I really think it is harder to forgive someone giving pain to those we love than when they give pain to us.
Everyone knows the tiger that snarls out of the Moms when their little one is getting the wrong end of the stick. It is very hard.
I'm glad you're here.
It really is peaceful to have no enemies.
I love the people in my apt building. They are so friendly. But oh my, there is often so much spitefulness going on. I would think they would be sick of it.
Not you're type of pain? I agree. It's horrible!
Of course we've never seen anything but a smile on your face so it is hard to imagine you bitter. On the other hand ... we all have a dark side :)
"Once I learned my dislike didn't hurt the person I disliked ...only me...I learned to get over it."
I know that makes sense ... but most of us have to learn it the hard way. :)
I think sometimes the annoyance of some people have fewer answers than the more serious problems. But they don't give ulcers.
Real bitterness is hard.
Let's see: Bitterness, negativity? they waist my time and my energy; drop it and go ahead to new plans, new chances, new creativity.
And, do not introduce dangerous friends to your partner!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We had to deal with that also. That is a big, big one. I actually wrote an article with a poem (believe it or not) regarding the issue on Gather a few months ago. I'll either repost or give the site as we go through the series.
I'm so sorry. As the Mom, I still feel like I failed my children every time the subject is mentioned. But I did find some things that helped. It sounds like you've taken yourself a long way ... I hope we can help you more. All wounds don't heal down here but He said that they are working for us a "heavy weight of glory" I don't know exactly what that means but I believe He's saying in the long run . . . we'll see He "... worked all things together for good."
Thanks for coming by and sharing what happened. I hope you stay with us.
Great quote of a simple statement of truth by Jesus. And who would better know than He?
""But Jesus did not commit himself unto them, because he knew all men,
And needed not that any should testify of man: for he knew what was in man."
In other words, Jesus knew the hearts of humankind, and I'll leave it at that."
Lady N "The Lord had to teach me a method of loving everyone at a time when I failed miserably at the task. I was humbled to a point when I was unable to find the answers for myself. Another proof for me of God's existence. God provided a method that I would have never -- of myself, ever thought of; it's failproof."
Me ... it will be interesting to see if we both came up with the same method. The same practical application of His word or if He used a different means in each life.
Stay tuned . . . :)
Thanks for coming Neetah.
I'm so happy you've been delivered. Such a strong beginning to your post you would think it was an impossible situation. But wouldn't you know it ... then Jesus Christ ... :)
There will be lot's of actual examples later. I hope you join in with your own. I'm excited to hear what you have to say.
Thanks so much for coming by and sharing your testimony.
I know if absolutely feels like some wounds won't heal ... but since it is Christ that does the healing and not us ... they can all heal.
Please stay with us. I'll scotch tape your post to my computer and pray that the Lord really open your eyes to good truth and heal your wounds. Gather is fun ... but sometimes really serious things go on. This can be one of those times.
Thanks for coming by and sharing your story.
That is an applicable and helpful verse you shared.
Psalm 66:18 "If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me".
Since there will be old/new Christians and non Christians here I thought I'd share a little explanation of the Word 'regard'.
We wouldn't want anyone to misunderstand and be discouraged thinking that just 'seeing or knowing' there is sin in your heart means God won't answer prayer. We ARE sinners. Even if we accept Christ and receive a New nature ... our old nature is stuck to our body until that body dies :) Therefore, it is always trying to win us over and get our attention. The Spirit spends our entire life time molding us and changing us and teaching us to yield to our new Spirit and ignore the call of our old. But sin is always there waiting to see who it can ensnare.
When you look inside yourself and see sin, that is not 'regarding' it. Regarding it is to be satisfied with it; pleased with it; approving of it.
For simplicities sake, rather than the Hebrew translation of the word 'DISCERN' I simply am giving the most common ways the word is translated in the KJV into English.
You see there is more of a positive approval of the sin being there.
OT:7200
KJV - advice self, appear, approve, behold, certainly, consider, discern, (make to) enjoy, have experience, gaze, take heed, indeed, joyfully, lo, look (on, one another, one on another, one upon another, out, up, upon), mark, meet, be near, perceive, present
The entire comments in this series are all the opposite. We all hate our hate. Want to be rid of our bitterness. If you REGARDED the sin you wouldn't be reading through all this material on how to be set free.
Thanks for the verse Darlene. It really does show the necessary difference in attitudes for God to respond. He only responds to those who call out to Him for deliverance, not those that are satisfied as is.
I'm so sorry. So many people have been through such terrible pain it is hard to get through these posts.
Marie's post.
when my daughter was killed and I knew the person who caused it,,, everything except killing the person came to mind,,, time heals those who pay attention to the Lords teachings,,, He was the only one who took that anger from me,,,
Me: Again ... "Only through Christ." I just can't imagine Marie. Thank you for sharing this much of your story. Please feel free to step in any time.
Marie, I think I did look your story up when I first came to Gather. It's ringing a bell. You would think no bells would be needed. The names ran together for awhile & I read a few very sad life experiences.
Here's her post:
Me in article "Write one word that will speak to you regarding the hateful situation."
Latasha The word is over because I'll either be glad it's over or be looking forward to when it is over.
COOL. I hadn't even remembered writing that. Her word; OVER. Yaaaaa :)
Sometimes, no matter how much you know that is the smart thing to do, it just doesn't go away. Believe me, a lot of us need help.
I'm sure lots of thing play into it; personality type; emotional type; depth of the experience; philosophy of life and our life experiences.
I'm glad you're here anyway. You may have things to offer as we go along.
Thank you for coming by.
Her statement; " ...The person that the bitterness is directed at probably doesn't know or care about it..."
My statement; "That SUCKS." Joke! :):)
You're right. Some of us are just more hard headed than others. We're getting there.
Thanks for coming. Hope you follow through with us. You never know what tomorrow may hold ... you may be glad you got some tips when someone really gets under your craw one day.
Here's the twist; "But then I finally realized that by setting me free, I was able to meet my soul mate, who I am now married to. I now am grateful to my first husband."
Now I have a question; probably impossible to really know :)
Something really bad leading to something really good ... Would you change it? Would you have preferred to have gone directly into the 2nd relationship? Or did you need the first gain and loss?
And by the way, this has nothing at all to do with the series :) Well, I guess a little bit.
The initials of the person are
BW
CS
NM (that's me)
I always think of you as a strong woman; sure of yourself; sense of humor. The softness and pain in your story rounded all that out.
I really think names will come to peoples minds as we go along and surprise them. At least when teaching in person that's what happens.
And ... I guess I should mention I have a person that occasionally fits into that description also, just not right now. It is the person I mentioned in my article. One of the two women. I'll let everyone guess which one :)
As much as a shock as the situation was, I'll have to say it was not a long healing. In fact, you all will know how I healed by the time this is over. Something that anyone can do ... if they'll just do it :)
KD
KD
BH
GD
FD
BL
LP
BL
AL
HH
Yeah, I think that pretty much sums up the family.
"Do not fret because of evil men." We are reminded again and again, "Fret not." I've had a hard time applying this, but when I have, I have experienced such peace!
But there is one person in more recent years that I've not been able to completely forgive and forget.
DC
I am not bitter at ANY WOMEN - I have loved every one of them except one her initial is 'S' - serpant? but I have let it go.
Mostly I too have problems with Men - egotistical, insecure weasels get under my skin they annoy me more than hurt me ;)
Our part never is. He does the hard part.
Please stick with it for a time & see what you think. I'm so glad you came.
The next steps will be just as doable as that first step.
I really prayed before I decided to try to convert this to a written lesson for Gather. I told God I really didn't want to attempt it unless it was His will. I believe it is. I believe He will give answers as he does in personal presentations. Maybe this is better. People having the time to write it out as we go along.
You'll have things to help with ... and maybe some strange little helps along the way.
That is a great verse and I wasn't familiar with it. It's a great addition.
I notice you put no initials or words :) I could add one for you. Joke!
Glad you're here.
I think you are right; your family probably mistaken. Of course I have no way of knowing ... but you don't seem defensive; just genuinly disagree with them. It will be fun to see what speaks to you along the way.
I'm glad you came by and dared to comment.