My birthday is on the 21st. I had always told myself that no matter how old I got, I would be proud of my age. The problem I'm having is thinking about how much I have not accomplished yet at my age. As a teen, I pictured myself with an adventurous future - earning a doctorate, traveling to foreign lands, then finally settling down, getting married, having a couple of kids and living in a home that had some sort of architectural significance. You know, some sleek, contemporary house or a grand old building thst had been beautifully restored.
Well, things did not turn out quite the way I hoped. I have a bachelor's degree, but I dropped of graduate school three times, and I have the bills to prove it. I still haven't set foot outside the U.S. Because of trust issues and being picky, I haven't dated in a while. Since I don't want kids before I get married, I have no children. I had my own place a couple of times, but now I am living with my mother again.
Yes, I know that those things aren't exactly major problems since there are plenty of people who are dealing with waaaaaay much worse. Still, the pint-sized overacheiving kid in me continues to yell, "You should have gone a lot farther by now!" I'm talking about a kid who aimed for straight A's in everything, yet the same kid did not want to try anything that she thought she would fail at. Therefore, I avoided sports like the plague since I wasn't very coordinated, but I wasn't afraid to enter an art or essay contest. I feared embarrassment, and I was even more afraid of failure. I'm still that way now, which is why I tend to procrastinate. If I can't do it right the first time, I don't want to do it at all. My mind says that thinking that way is not healthy, but my heart says that the pain of failing would be too great.
Once again, I am turning to God to let me know what my next step should be. After all, if I want a more fulfilling life, He'll have to help me because I can't do it in my own strength. He's omnipotent, so I know that he can't fail. Therefore, if I fully submit to His will, I won't fail either. It's up to me to "let go and let God". Once I do that, I won't be asking that same question this time next year.
Father, in the Name of Jesus, I thank You now for taking care of me throughout my life. God, You said in Your Word that if I ask, I shall receive, if I seek, I shall find, and if I knock, the door shall open for me. Increase my faith, and continue to remind me that You are always with me. Lord, help me to trust You more and not be afraid to get back "out there" and experience life. Help me to also remember that with Your help, I can make a positive difference in this world. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
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Comments: 8
Relax and don't be so picky, give others a chance.
Make a date for a budget trip to another country.
(IT CAN BE DONE)
Trust yourself and follow through.
Don't be so hard on yourself.
Joe is right, you measure life by the growth in your heart and mind.
32 is just another number, when your 42 you won't feel much different.
Forget the boundries and GO FOR IT!!
The angst that you are describing is all too common in today's world. I remember it, and I suspect many on gather do too. Finally, I agree with Joe. Don't take the world's definition of success on yourself. Regardless of your "accomplishments," they will have to be accomplishments that are an expression of your true self - otherwise, you're wasting time and energy. I admire your prayer that you will "make a positive difference in this world." Believe me, that is certainly already a reality or you wouldn't be here. Just put one foot in front of the other for just as far as you can see. Your way will become clear. Peace.
When I had to stop working two years ago, I decided that when I started working again - for someone else or myself, preferably myself - I would do something that I enjoyed. I like graphic design, so I started making up T-shirt designs. I figured I could have my own successful e-business and not have to deal with job hunting and punching a clock. However, things are slow because I haven't had enough spare cash to advertise on search engines. I think that will change if I bite the bullet and sacrifice something one month so I can get an online ad. When the revenue starts flowing, I will be able to take that trip to Italy that I've been wishing for. :-)
My younger sister wanted to take me out to eat, but I couldn't go during lunchtime since my niece and nephew were at the house. I thought we would go in the evening, but she heard that is was going to rain and she hates driving in the rain. We postponed the outing, but I think it may be easier after Christmas when the traffic calms down a little.
Overall, I'm glad that I got to see this day. I got a couple of cards, and I'm thankful that most of the day was peaceful. Happy holidays to everyone!