If you suspect someone you know is a victim of domestic violence reach out to him or her. They are in desperate need of a friend. Listen to them, keep what they say confidential, and above all believe them. Give them opportunities to talk about what is going on; ask them questions about bruises you notice or fights you hear about. Let them know they are normal and are right to feel angry and hurt or whatever they may feel. Do not blame them, remember they are a victim; it is the abuser that has the problem. Realize that it is difficult for them to leave. They have the most knowledge about the abuser and they will be the best judge of when to leave, because separation is the most dangerous time for domestic violence victims. Help them to make a safety plan for escape (I will be posting an article soon, in regards to creating a safety plan). I know it may be difficult but try not to bad mouth the abuser or pressure them into leaving. The victim may pull away. This would not be good, as they more than likely are not sharing this information with many people. In order to help them you need to stay in their trust circle. You want to help them rebuild their confidence.
Educate yourself; find as much information as you can on domestic violence. The more knowledgeable you are the better able you are to help them. Get involved. Find ways in which you can help support or improve efforts on behalf of victims. Send letters to your congressional representatives requesting laws to be created, funding to be approved, and for stiffer penalties for abusers. (I will be posting an article with a letter that can be copied and either mailed or emailed to your congressional representative in the near future.). Most domestic violence programs and shelters are non-profit and are dependent upon donations from the communities they serve. You can help them by getting the word out, by volunteering or by donating. They can always use common need item donations as well, such as baby supplies, personal hygiene supplies, paper, food, medical supplies, cell phones, etc. Let other’s know about domestic violence and the harm it imparts. Ask a victim advocacy agency to give a presentation at your work or church, let children know that violence toward women is not acceptable, and if you are a witness to abuse, call 911 and be a witness for the cops. Do all that you can and are able to. You never know, your efforts might save or change a life for the better.
Do whatever you can to let people know that domestic abuse is too prevalent and needs to be stopped. Be an advocate. Be a leader. Be a friend.
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Comments: 39
You can find local abuse centers in the phone book. Do not be surprized that they will not take donations at the center, it's for safty purposes.
Donate all cell phones preferably with chargers and accesories. The phone companies refurbish them and provide a charger if you didn't. Most companies and some malls have drop boxes for donated phones.
Many of the women who run to centers have children. As Veronica mention baby items are in low supply. Great place to send old toys.
Veronica you are a wonderful person for these articles and even you don't get them all in during this week keep going. Great information and very helpful. Even in this age of techonlogy and reason it's amazing the number of women that go through this.
Strategies for Living With a Mental Illness Tip #2
You are absolutely right about "trust" issues, as many times someone attempted to help but did not follow through. I would suggest doing your homework and making a serious committment to helping or not, before approaching them. As you mentioned, it is the transition time that is the most dangerous, as victimizers are on the "HUNT" to find their 'prey' or 'posession'. Absolutely DO NOT trust restraining orders, use them but know that unless the 'law' is witness to any infraction, their hands are tied. During transitions I most often recommend law enforcement being involved for that reason.
As Stacey mentioned the numbers are staggering, as well as the ages of women being younger & younger each year. Kimberly mentioned a great point, as I recall denying to several inquirers my situation as being fine, as I had other excuses and stories for bumps and bruises. Truthfully, unless it was a facial injury most wouldn't notice from the coverage of clothing I normally chose.
As Mary mentioned, the tasks of normal everyday living are often not grasped from sheer exhaustion - physically, emotionally, mentally,.... And, it is a huge decision to get involved, whether you are on the side-lines writing congressman or on the front-lines being 'witness' or helping another escape. If you are witness to abuse, call attention to it by yelling "FIRE" - that gets people's attention more than 'rape' where most will ignore or keep walking - obviously call 911 if you have a phone and stay on the phone with the dispatcher describing what you see (RECORDED evidence) the longer the better, I won't hang up til the police arrive. The more people who notice the less the abuser continues.
You can make a difference!
Thanks again Veronique for posting this :)
My friend took a long time before she felt comfortable enough to confide in me. Often times if we saw bruises and asked she would just say that they were wrestling, their form of "foreplay." I was so glad when she felt she could trust me enought to share her pain with me.
Again, thank you for sharing.
Thank you for posting this information to That's life group. This is very important information.
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I say this because I had the cops come to my home 2 times because our neighbor above us was a single lady & she thought she heard us fighting all the time...what she actually heard was our tickle fights we would have & then that leads to well......kids haha ;o). So the cops came to my house to check on us the 1st time & nothing...the 2nd time a cop pulled me into the bathroom & asked me..."Does your husband beat you?" I was caught off guard & thought WHAT?? NO! I told him no & they left. That was it I set up a meeting with the manager of the apartments & the single lady & we talked about this situation of her calling the cops on us. I let her know it was our tickle wars & yes sometimes I would yell, "GET OFF ME!" So I can see why she was concerned...sending the cops made me hate this lady though! She got embarrassed when I told her about the tickle war things though, but come on my husband & I had been married for a year & we were trying to have kids so you are gonna hear stuff. Anyway I just had to share this because just because you hear something doesn't mean that it is always the case.... ;o)
If any one needs to know what someone might need to travel, think about what you would need if you had to run and hide, leave everything behind. Grab your kids if you have them ,their stuff and worry about someone on you ass.