Zirconia and LC: A Twisted Homophonic Fairy/Ferry Tail/Tale

Once [upon/up on] a [time/thyme], [in/inn] a land far, far [away/aweigh,] lived a people [inn/in] a big orange [base/bass.] It was [island/aisle land] like [in/inn] nature. [Let us/Lettuce] say, it wasn’t Northern Ireland, [butt/but] it was pretty close. The cat lovers didn’t like the dog lovers, and [no/know] [won/one] liked frogs [ore/or] hamsters. Skirmishes [a rose/arose]. Terrorists [blew/blue] up every other Otto/auto on the street. Mothers cried and fathers were [scent/cent/sent] [too/to/two] war. The children were stuck [inn/in] the center of this conflict.

[In/Inn] fluttered a butterfly. She was somewhat glittery [butt/but] lacked substance and tangibility. Her name was Zirconia. She did possess a bitching [butt/but,] though, and showed it off [too/two/to] anyone [hoo/who] [wood/would] look. [No/Know] [one/won] liked [to/two/too] see [close/clothes] ups of [buts/butts], [so/sew] her arrival was [not/knot] well received.

Zirconia had a hard [time/thyme] making friends, [hairier/harrier] than most of the dog/cat/frog/hamster lovers. Could it [be/bee] that she thought she was [too/to/two] good [for/four/fore] the other residents of the land? [To/Two/Too] pretty? [Two/To/Too] smart? Many [times/thymes], words [wood/would] spew [forth/fourth] from her mouth [which/witch] were hurtful. She did [knot/not] [know/no] she was being this [weigh/way]; she was unschooled [inn/in] proper interpersonal skills.

A lab-coated technician (LC) decided [he/hee] [would/wood] like [two/too/to] befriend the glittery gal. She was just [too/to/two] pretty [to/two/too] pass up. [He/Hee] said, “[I/Eye] have [access/excess] [to/two/too] this top secret project. [It’s/Its] a [new/knew] software [witch/which] can manufacture people. [You/Ewe] [do/due] [not/knot] [need/kneed] [to/too/two] try [too/to/two] make friends [hear/here] [inn/in] the orange [island/aisle land] anymore. [I/Eye] will make lots of friends [for/four] [you/ewe]!”

Zirconia was [so/sew] ecstatic, she started [two/too/to] dance and glow. LC couldn’t believe his good luck! [So/sew] [he/hee] shared [more/moor] of the secrets [he/hee] had invented [inn/in] the lab. “[I/Eye] also have another cool program!” [hee/he] [balled/bawled]. “[I/Eye] can also throw the evil flag on [your/you’re] enemies without [you’re/your] being [around/a round]!”

[What/watt] a cool idea! [To/Two/Too] this, Zirconia flicked her [hair/heir] back and batted her [blew/blue] [eyes/Is]. “[I/Eye] am [so/sew] happy, [Eye/I] will give [ewe/you] a kiss!”

As she kissed him, LC began [two/too/to] melt [into/in to] the [walk/wok]. “[Hey/Hay!] [What’s/Watts] up?” she [wailed/whaled.]

[Too/Two/To] bad she did [knot/not] [know/no]. A kiss is the only thing that could fell a LC.

Moral: [Before/Be for] you kiss someone [in/inn] a lab coat, [due/do] the [write/right] thing and fly [away/aweigh], little butterfly.