Nonetheless a few of my gather pals tagged me some weeks ago and not wishing to appear churlish I explored the depths of the inner me and dragged out what I could find in the area of weirdness. Then I promptly forgot about it. Serina reminded me though so here it is.
Number 1.
Although very out of shape, the last time I tried I could still walk on my knees while in the lotus position.
That loud crashing sound you just heard was me checking if this were still true. The paramedics should be here directly.
New number 1.
I plan to write a children's story about the community of plastic bread tags that live underneath my microwave. How they get there, how they breed so prolifically in such dark, confined conditions and how their population never seems to dwindle despite the many tagocidal pogroms I institute, are the kind of mysteries a good fantasy story should explore.
Number 2.
One of my all time favourite goose-bumpy movie moments is Donald Sutherland's scene in the movie JFK. His reading is so commanding, his masterful honeyed tones are so compelling, he speaks with such convincing detailed authority, I can watch it again and again and never tire of it. After hearing what he had to say, if I'd been Jim Garrison, I would have tried to nail the bastards too.
Number 3.
I am mortally terrified of cane toads. And living in Queensland, where the bloody bollocky things leap about the place unthreatened by any natural predators, this has affected my life markedly. I cannot go outdoors after dark unless the area is sufficiently lit to allow for easy toad-spotting so that avoidance procedures can be enacted. I once wrote a nasty poem about them and upset a couple of friends at the time. I was sorry to upset nice people but cane toads really are the most gruesomely evil demons from the stinking depths of the darkest hell imaginable. I get nauseated at pictures of them, I've screamed in horror at pretend ones, encountering a real one unexpectedly is enough to make me take to my bed for days.
Number 4.
I recently underwent pre-vocational testing of my keyboard skills. I've not worked in an office for eight years, yet curiously my typing speed has improved exponentially in that time. I believe this has something to do with all the time I spend on the internet. None of us here consider it odd to spend that much time on the internet, but I think perhaps it's time we did.
Number 5.
I really, truly think that Hugh Jackman is my soulmate. The perfection and beauty of our relationship could only be slightly improved if he knew I existed.
Number 6.
I am funny, friendly, fat, forgetful, lazy, loud, and lewd. I'm opinionated, vain, irreverent, usually content yet subject to occasional fits of despair. I am self righteous, sexually frustrated, chatty and a drunk. In short, I am precisely as I appear to be here on Gather. I say this because many of the ‘odd thing' correspondents revealed they behave differently online from the way they do in real life. So in that respect I suppose I am odd.
Well that wasn't too bad. Like the planet Earth as described in Douglas Adams' Hitchhikers' Guide to the Galaxy it would appear that I too am mostly harmless.
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Comments: 28
Hi Faith, thankyou so much, I think you're kinda fun too ;)
Hello Vanda, welcome back to your pretend life, our real ones do sorta get misplaced when we're here all the time, don't they? I agree heartily that magazines should print my nonsense!! That would make life very agreeable to me. (hehe, making pikelets, hehe... )
Hello Orby. Now don't go thinking I wasn't grateful for the list of odd things about me that you provided back when I was trying to write this. I only deleted it because I needed the space on my hard drive..
oh you great nutty nut nut you.. i peeing my pants here..
Greatly enjoyed your writing and will have to look for some more!
But this!
.
Serina, thank you!
Tonia, wouldn't you love to go back in time and find the jerk who suggested importing them and .. and.. well and shutting him up! thankyou for your kind words.
Debbie, so glad you got some laughs. That's what makes it worthwhile, thank you.
Kathleen, thank you too. But deadset, I was so sure I could still do it...
With cane toads hopping about, you must be seriously weird. It's just got to be absolute hell!
Maybe this will help with the toads:
Flit, no one else could do it because you are uniquely gifted in a desirably flexible kind of way. So in the interest of pure envy, I no longer see any need to remain polite to you. ;)
Elizabeth, I have seen your delightful responses to my dear friend Magi, so I know that usually you exhibit a far higher standard of appreciation. Thankyou for going down-market in my direction!
Jan! Another new person! Thank you so much for enjoying and for the connect. You will be ultimately disappointed but until then, we should have some fun.
Magi, I am always thrilled to eat your vegemite sandwiches, but my old platform and Gather's poor bandwidth conspired and I missed half your words. I have worked out there was something about the fiery pits of hell in there, and an example of an automatic firearm... either of which would prove a fitting end to the cane toads. Thankyou for that.
Overall, I notice that not one person had commented either yay or nay for Donald Sutherland. Maybe it wasnt funny enough an observation, but i'm going off right now to watch that scene again. He is soooooo smooth. I'd marry him when I grow up, if it weren't for the fact it would break Hugh Jackman's heart.
Hiya Penny, thank you for dropping by.. I had the most bizarre experience with huge flying cockroaches during a power outage one night over the summer, but telling you the story might make you feel ill. I can tell you I reached the conclusion that it's the electrical field in our homes that keep them so quiet usually, because they go totally berko ape-poo crazy-face without it.
Poor Donald, perhaps he has seen his day.. but that voice.. sigh.
Bellota, I thank you for your offer of support. Personally I don't think even Hugh Jackman has what Hugh Jackman has, so that's not such a bad thing. The bread tags are yet to prove their military might. Their powers of regeneration could be the key...
Everyone go Mad Cow on Carolyn's past articles & images - some point whoring benefits without having to actually whore herself will definitely cheer Carolyn up. The comments need not make sense, or be about the post or image - just comment comment comment if ya love Carolyn.