Greetings all my Gather Friends the events of my life since Christmas have left me truly thankful to be sitting at my computer typing this. It is likely that my absence went mostly unnoticed as I comment far more than I write, something I think I plan to change. It has been a very scary three weeks for me, even as I count the time I swear it seems like so much longer, at least physically and mentally. I know I have missed much and I regret not being able to send a New Year wish to all my connections it was my intent but it was a bit impossible to achieve. I never expected the twists and turns that fate had mapped out for me and even now view them with a multitude of emotions attached to the events that transpired.
My last visit to gather was with the intent of returning soon to share my holiday adventures with all. However the 26th proved to busy and full of chores and the 27th proved to begin an adventure of it's own. It began with a sudden unexplained loss of appetite, which turned into dizziness during clean up. I assumed it was the stress of the last few days, but the kids insisted I go sit and rest while they finished the kitchen work. The next half hour found me wrapped in blankets with the violent shivers of chills and a temp of 97.1
Within a twenty minute span I had reached a comfortable 86.9 and removed the covers thinking all would be well. The next fifteen minutes proved me wrong as my fever suddenly spiked to 103 and then moved rapidly from there to 106 leaving Scott and the kids scrambling in my difficulty to give instructions to bring the fever down. This was the beginning of a long roller coaster ride of freezing and frying. By the third day with no change we tried to make a doctors appointment but with no insurance no private doctor would take me. We went to a walk in clinic but they were unable to determine what was causing the problem and suggested the emergency room. They did some routine blood work but could find nothing to explain why I was having fevers and admitting me was out of the question without insurance.
I returned home to go through another 10 days of plummeting temperatures with convulsion like chills to high fevers that left me weak and out of it. My family took turns doing watchful vigils over me fearful to leave me unattended. Though my system has an aversion to Tylenol we began to use it in small liquid doses hoping that what stayed down would help bring the fever down. This worked to some degree but we could never get it down lower then 102.5 and that was only for a limited duration before it would plummet or spike again. It was during this span that fear began to set in, something I am not use to. No other symptoms to list it as a cold or flu, just the fevers and nothing else.
During these days many things ran through my mind and I found myself making peace with my past and fearing for my future not all together sure I had one. My mind wondered what would happen to my family as I am the one who does the budget and keeps the home in order. Thought of the things I have so wanted to accomplish and just found no time for ran through my mind. I have so many art projects started and unfinished, my dream of writing, and so many other projects that are half done or not even begun, these flew through my mind making me regret the time that had passed without achieving my goals and desires.
On the ninth the fevers seemed to have broken and I spent most of that day resting as well as searching our local listings for a TCM doctor (Traditional Chinese Medicine) I have never really had much confidence in conventional doctors I usually work with herbs and essential oils. In desperate circumstances I go to Chinese Medicine as they are quite skilled in the art of treating the root as opposed to the symptoms. Finding one I made an appointment for the next day but fate was not done with me. By that evening I was back on my roller coaster ride of fevers and even more sure that my time was running out.
I arrived at the doctors office with a fever and after a consultation (which is so unlike conventional doctors ) he started me on acupuncture and Chinese Herbs telling me that everything in my body seemed to be completely out of balance and that the situation was going to take time to treat. I have gone in for treatments twice and things are looking up. The fever has stabilized to a constant 100.1 so obviously my body is fighting something still. However each day I feel a little bit stronger. My ability to stay awake or active for long periods is slowly increasing, however the doctor suggests that resting most the time right now is to my advantage.
Each day though I am able to stay awake for longer periods and I can do small activities that do not require much "up on my feet" time. He says it will take some time to get my body back to a balanced state but for me it is not the time that matters but the fact that I'll be around for it to happen. I am just grateful to still be alive, moving forward, and thankful that "powers that be" decided it was not time for me to move on to a new existence.
So what will I do from here? I am not sure there is so much to be done. I know that each person in this home is soon to get a hand written letter from me telling them just how wonderful and special they are. I know that I have a lot of work to catch up on, and much to teach my family about what needs to be done should the day come I do suddenly find myself ripped from their lives. I know I have so many dreams I want to fulfill and I will no longer let fear of failing or lack of time stand in the way of achieving them. I know there is much to learn from this experience, and I have probably only touched the surface of it all.
I have missed you all, and I am grateful to be back. Writing is one of my dreams, and I believe the time has come to step into that dream and start expanding my abilities through practice. One day perhaps I will be a great writer, maybe just a simple columnist, maybe never anything at all. I don't know where it will lead but I know now that life is fleeting, it can end so quickly for such small and unexpected reasons. I think I want to live every moment of it for now on doing all the things I feel and dream without wasting one second of it.
Sorry this was so long but I wanted you all to understand why I was not here, and that I might not be able to be on everyday for a while still. I hope to have recovered my energy level by at least the end of this week or the beginning of next week. This has taken me most of day to write as I spent some time resting between writing. I hope to find the energy to at least log on once a day but cannot promise, so if anyone does read this it may take me some time to respond, please don't feel I am ignoring you. There are so many new opportunities that I see here that I hope I have the energy to try for before their time expires. I still have half a month to build my strength before they come to an end and I know it will be a goal of mine to give them a try. Regardless of where it leads that path will be well trodden and I find it a privilege to share the journey with you all. Thanks for being here, for reading, for critiquing, for encouraging, and most of all for giving me a place to fly
Bright Blessing to All
Amber Fire.
PS -- I probably will not be getting to e-mails and invitations today, I hope everyone understands. I will probably be getting a bit of rest after this and will try to be back as soon as I can. Please forgive if I posted to any groups inappropriately I did not use my cheat sheet (*smile*) and am running out of energy quick. My apologies if I did this.
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Comments: 24
Yes we missed you but all assumed it was just the busy Christmas - New Year thing. There IS a federal law which requires hospitals to admit you in an emergency situation, and if you need to go back after trying the TCM, then tell them you were exposed to someone with meningitis at a family reunion or whatever, and tell them that if they don't diagnose and treat you, you are contacting the DHS and a lawyer. They WILL develop a sudden onset of compassion!
Whenever you get this, please don't try to answer us right now, just rest. If you lived closer I could give your family some help with taking care of you but we're a bit south... anyway, blessings to you one and all. Let us know if any of us can do anything else besides prayer!!!!
Will be glad to PATIENTLY wait for your recovery!
It WILL be worth the wait!
Prayers have no 'toll charges', SO WE WILL BE SENDING PLENTY!
This article should be published in every major newspaper in the country. I am totally disgusted but, unfortuately, not totally surprised!
First let me say that I am feeling much better today. I feel like I am sleeping most the time which is quite annoying for me, but at least when I am awake I feel a bit stronger and more energetic. I tucker out kind of quick but my body is dealing better. I still seem to have a night time fever but it has not gone past 100.1 so I am letting it do it's job of killing whatever little evil mutant is still running around in there. My color is returning, my appetite is slowly coming back I am just eating smaller portions more often. My family has agreed with some negating on their part that a 24/7 vigil is no longer needed but I can see it will take some work to put me back on a normal sleep schedule when this is over. LOL. I thought I would log in and answer those who responded but I still am going to wait to tackle the rest. I know that regardless I will find a way write for some of the recent offers that will end soon, hope I do not find myself to late. Please forgive any typos or misspelling I am just too tired to do my usual anal retentive checking ( get your calendars folks and mark the date the chances of this happening again are kind of slim! ) LOL
( individual answers to your comments will follow below this )
In my article I said that being admitted without insurance was out of the question, this was more in my view then in the hospital -- though a private hospital has the legal right to refuse admittance in non emergency situations unless you can prove an ability to pay for care. Mine was not considered an emergency situation as they were able to bring the fever down to an acceptable level before sending me home, and blood tests did not show any signs of fatal infectious disease.
It was of course stated that they could keep me overnight if we felt it was necessary but for me this would have been unacceptable. First because they already exhibited they had no clue what the problem was so it would have been a guessing game of tests to find the cause. Second the cost would have bankrupted our family as all costs would have come out of our pockets and even if they had agreed to payments it would have taken years to crawl out from under that debt. You may feel this was foolish on my part but there was nothing they did for me there that I was not already doing at home myself, and there was no bill attached. I am dreading the arrival of the emergency room bill which I am sure will be astronomical. Had they given any indication of knowing what the problem was a being able to address it I may have chosen another course but not for them to play guessing games.
Actually though every state has different laws governing this. On my last legal search for a friend only Federally funded hospitals must take any and all patients that come to them regardless of ability to pay. However these usually consist of doctors with less abilities then other hospitals. Private hospitals are bound to take any emergency victim regardless of ability to pay but the standards set for emergency are as follows:
The patient has sustained life threatening injuries (ex: car accidents or profuse bleeding injury)
The patient has a condition that will cause their immediate death if not addressed. ( ex: stroke, heart attack, seizures, etc.)
The patient is unconscious and is unable to respond to attempts to wake them.
I agree there is definitely some type of infection happening in my body but I am not so sure I will ever really find out what it is. Routine blood tests did not show anything that indicated a cause. Scott had the same symptoms Christmas Eve and Christmas Day but recovered without serious incident within the next few days. My son William got an even lighter case and was over it even faster then Scott.
This was one of the reasons I did not instantly panic or worry, but as my situation stretched on it became more apparent that I was not going to fair as well as the other two did.
It is my guess that whatever it was found a weak spot in my body and just infiltrated it to a point that it threw the entire system into chaos. Probably a good lesson to me to learn not to put off the little things that go wrong with me and address everything right away for now on.
Thanks for the sympathy I know my tired body appreciates it, but it was kind enough to wait until Christmas was over! That was a real plus for me.
Romy
Thank you for the kind words but if I had to blame someone it would have to be me. Sometimes I think I just push myself past my limit and this could be why my body was so ripe for the picking. As I said I think that was only one of many lessons I will pull from this. I have been a believer for quite a long time that everything happens for a reason it is up to us to find out why.
I rarely put myself in the hands of conventional doctors ( there have been a few that were out of my control and did not end well at all ) for the most part I use herbal medicines, essential oils, diet and vitamins for everything that crops up. However the last year I have been neglecting things that have cropped up with thoughts that I would address them later. Perhaps it was a wake up call from my body saying the time was now! ( *smile* ) I really don't think after this I will do that again.
Joanne
Thank you, I will take it slow but I am doing better each day. I know that I will be back to normal soon.
Your kind words are felt deeply and I thank you for them. I do understand the hesitancy of some to question the absence of others as it is becoming all to common for some to just get frustrated and leave.
No luck of that happening with me (chuckle) I never give up easy! I do wish I could have posted sooner as I did not wish for any to form opinions as to my absence. I have every confidence it will not be long before I am back to a point where I can participate fully again, but I am not going to push it by any means!
Thank you so much for your concern again it is nice to feel that there are those out there who miss and care about us when we are gone.
On a comical note though I feel it was not all so bad, dying would have been a lot worse! LOL
You continue to prove yourself as a dear person and friend. Thank you for the prayers and the great concern on your part, some of your comment is answered above.
As for the meningitis I do not feel this is a concern as there are other very prominent symptoms in both viral and bacterial that show up within the first few days. I had no vomiting, not lower cranial headaches and no sensitivity to light. As these are signs which accompany this condition I can say that I am sure it was not the case.
The other is that had it been that without the symptoms in most cases it leads to a coma within 5 to 6 days if not treated and from there is usually fatal. Thanks for the concern but I do not think this was the culprit.
Thank you too for the kind gesture of coming to my aid it is much appreciated!
:-)
My friend your sounding happy and chipper so glad to see this again!
Hmmm perhaps I should look into a conspiracy theory that the current Congress has read my work here and were working towards my eminent demise. LOL.
Eric
Your a dear! I am the one who will have to learn to have patience with my recovery time, as I miss everyone and participating so much. The prayers and energy sent is greatly appreciated!
Sue B.
Thanks for your concern and wanting to viciously attack on my behalf, but be sure to read the section above before you grab you "Buford Walking Tall Stick"
Regardless I appreciate the concern!
Actually I would rather place my life in the hands of a TCM doctor then any hospital any day of the week. When I am sick I want the root of the problem found and treated not my symptoms!
I knew you were sure to show up soon my friend! I have missed you! Great friends are so very hard to find thanks for being there for me.
Will do on the "take it easy" part, plan to be around for many years I'm just too ornery to die you know - LOL *smile*
good luck - i totally believe in TCM. i hope that it helps!!
if you don't get better (worst case scenario), please see a dr abt a virus - epstein barr? - or possible onset of cfids. many people i know with cfids started with that sort of situation. hopefully it isn't that.
i love your family. they are awesome!! HUGS,
I hope that Ed is doing better, in fact I hope he is doing great. The cost of medical care in a hospital is way out of our meager abilities too. I just do not understand why it is so expensive but they can make even a 45 minute visit a two year pay off.
Thanks for your concern it is really nice to know I was missed I only hope it does not take me long to swing back into things here and have my writing noticed again.
Story @ eleven.
Everybodys life is a biography.
I don't know anything about TCM but I studied various alternative healing methods a few years back when traditional medicine was not working (or came with too many side effects). There are some natural remedies that work, but there are a lot of bogus ones too. The really scary thing is some are dangerous. Granted, much of traditional health care is dangerous too, so do what works for you.
Get better. We'll all still be here (I hope).