by Jewel Hughes
Member since:
October 6, 2006

A diffrent SITUATION, We don't need SOLUTINS on this just your thoughts

October 21, 2006 02:35 PM EDT
views: 229 | comments: 67

Ok Just want to know your feelings on this.

A lady is dyeing she has only a few hours to live.

I walk in her room as her care-giver but she thinks i'm her son. Do I tell her no I'm not johnny?

 No I can't do that I can tell that she actually needs to tell johnny how sorry she is about something, so I hold her hand and tell her it's ok mom everything is ok. And I sit there and hold her hand as she takes her last breath.

Now what I want to know is in this situation did I do the right thing and allow her to get her last words said or should I of stopped her and told her that I wasn't her son?

How would you of handled this SITUATION?

 

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Comments: 67

Kathy S. Oct 21, 2006, 2:42pm EDT
I would have held her hand and told her "I love you mom". Even if she knows it is not him, she still wants to hear those words.
☃ Aunt Shanny Oct 21, 2006, 2:43pm EDT
I would have let her speak her "peace".
Bill Allin Oct 21, 2006, 2:47pm EDT
You helped a dying woman to die in peace. What mattered at the time was what she believed, not what you thought of it then or whether you are wrangling with it now.
So far as I am concerned, you didn't lie to her. Lots of people call older people mom, ene though they are not related.
I can't see why you would feel it necessary to conduct a reasoned argument with a dying person.
You did the right thing. Do it again if the occasions arises again.
Lydia O. Oct 21, 2006, 2:47pm EDT
Exactly like you did, Jewel. Nobody should die alone or with something needing to be said...bless you for being her own personal angel....
OMG!!! When I was working in a nursing home in California, this EXACT same thing happened to me!!
(She thought I was her daughter) In the interest of compassion, I did nothing to change her mind about my identity. I just told her it would all be ok and not to be afraid, because I couldn't think of anything else to say!!
Wendy S. Oct 21, 2006, 2:57pm EDT
You did exactly the right thing. This world is so blessed to have people like you in it, who can work with people who are dying, who can see death. God bless you.
Carolyn K. Oct 21, 2006, 3:06pm EDT
I think you did the right thing - the only thing you could have done...you helped an old woman die in peace.
Cassandra M. Oct 21, 2006, 3:09pm EDT
I'd have done the same. Let her have her peaceful death instead of one filled with remorse or hurt....
Priscilla P. Oct 21, 2006, 3:23pm EDT
I think you did right as well. It probably didn't even matter to her who you physically were as she was speaking to the heart of her son.
Joe T. Oct 21, 2006, 3:28pm EDT
I was with my father when he died. I would say anything to him to satisfy his needs. You did the right thing.
ali A. Oct 21, 2006, 3:31pm EDT
Were all sons and daughters what you did was not wrong, it there anyway you can give the message to her son? Maybe he would like to know that. Maybe you were there for a pourpose to deliver the message! Just I guess.
Angela <:3---}~~~~ M. Oct 21, 2006, 3:31pm EDT
you done the right thing you were their for her.

did you get a chance to tell her son her last thoughts were of him that would have been so great if you could have that may have been something he needed to know
John R. Oct 21, 2006, 3:38pm EDT
If I were you, I would have used puncuation and maybe even spell check so we could read what the heck you were trying to say!
Marian L Oct 21, 2006, 3:43pm EDT
You did the right thing. There was no other choice. Everyone deserves to die in peace.
Sonia M. Oct 21, 2006, 3:52pm EDT
You did the right thing, Jewel. It would be wonderful if you could tell her son that her last thoughts were of him and trying to address a wrong.

(..mumble, mumble, mumble.......eating the words I wanted to say to John R...........)
sometimes saying your last words is all that you have left. that way she can go in peace
Mugg Muggles, "The Man With the Jive" Oct 21, 2006, 4:03pm EDT
Jewel-
From where I sit this is an absolute "no brainer" and I don't at all understand your feelings of doubt. Of course you did the "right" thing. You comforted a dying woman.
Wouldn't you feel terrible if you had just argued with her?
Linda R. Oct 21, 2006, 4:06pm EDT
I would have done exactly what you did. Trust your instincts. You provided compassion that allowed your patient to express her final thoughts.
Donna M. Oct 21, 2006, 4:15pm EDT
Jewel - I think from all the response's you have your answer...and the only thing I would add to all the wonderful people who felt your concern and compassion on this page, is, you were her connection to her sons spirit...thats all that mattered...I would also add - Sleep with the angels on this one!
Cindy M. Oct 21, 2006, 4:18pm EDT
Yes, of course you did the right thing.

I do hope John R's comment was meant as comic relief for an otherwise heavy topic.
Sarah B. Oct 21, 2006, 4:50pm EDT
If it had been me on the bed in my last moments I would want to get my words out. She felt the same, even if she was a little out of it thinking you were her son. She died in peace. I would try to tell her son, if you ever get the chance what she said. Maybe you could mail a letter to him. You wouldn't eve have to put your name on it.
Dee W. Oct 21, 2006, 4:54pm EDT
You did what was right and good. Don't ever regret it, and don't ever doubt t.
Sandra L. Oct 21, 2006, 5:09pm EDT
I agree with everybody else and I think that you should have the affirmation that you need by now. If you had chosen to do anything else, it would have been selfish and self-serving on your part.
John, I think you are a jerk.
Jenny D. Oct 21, 2006, 5:20pm EDT
I would've done the same thing!
I believe you have done the right thing. She died in peace knowing she had said what she needed to say to her son, even if it wasn't Johnny there with her, she had Johnny in her heart.
Miz Lynn aka/BooBoo Oct 21, 2006, 6:09pm EDT
What you did was wonderful, besides a jewel, you're also an angel....wish there were more people like you.
Susan *. Oct 21, 2006, 6:31pm EDT
I would have held her hand and told her that I loved her and that all was OK now...I think God understands when we have to stretch the truth at times like this. This woman needed love and comfort at that time and you gave it to her. God Bless you for your kindness...and compassion! I am proud of you and what you did for this woman, it was a wonderful thing!
Sue * Oct 21, 2006, 6:49pm EDT
I would have done the same thing. I'd make sure that her son knows exactly what she said. It was a very nice thing to do.
Barbra L. Oct 21, 2006, 7:59pm EDT
The same as you. You did the right thing.
Cathryn flowers Ritchie Oct 21, 2006, 8:01pm EDT
john r....speaking of using spell check, punctuation is with two 't's. And, when you criticize Paul in last post, you spelled words wrong when you are criticizing him for same. do your homework, son.

Mom
Visionaerie B. Oct 21, 2006, 8:06pm EDT
You followed your heart and that is the important thing. Wow -- that is quite a dilemma. But you provided the comfort that she most needed. As her guardian angel, you played the right role, and since angels have special powers -- her son would get the message anyway! Like George Noory might say, we're all connected in this kind of neural net. Or as Mahatma Gandhi put it, "All men (women) are brothers (sisters)!"
Jewel Hughes Oct 21, 2006, 8:17pm EDT
Wow great responses everyone.

Just so you understand I do not have dought or remorse. If I had a chance to do it all over again I wouldn't change a thing.

My purpose of posting this is to show others that there are still people who care.

It goes along with the SITUATION and SOLUTION stuff we have been discussing. And when someone reads all the caring comments then they will understand that when we give a SOLUTION it is from our HEARTS.

So thanks so much everybody...

As for John R's comment no problem He is correct I see some errors as I re-read this.

A person has to take the good with the bad sometimes...
:-)
Carol R. Oct 21, 2006, 8:26pm EDT
You did the right thing. She had some things that she needed to say before going on her final journey. What a blessing it was for her to have you there to make that possible.
Carol R. Oct 21, 2006, 8:31pm EDT
BTW you are a very gracious person because I think that John's remarks were totally uncalled for. I understood exactly what you were saying and I can see by the comments that a lot of others did too.
Pina M. Oct 21, 2006, 9:42pm EDT
Jewel, you absolutely, positively did the right thing for this woman, and you gave her a gift from the heart - of allowing her to leave this earth in peace, content and whole within her heart and mind. I applaude you and would've done the same thing!
Stephanie A. (On vacation) Oct 21, 2006, 10:00pm EDT
No question, I think you did the right thing.
Steve Y do I even bother Oct 21, 2006, 10:13pm EDT
Absolutely....
Jewel Hughes Oct 21, 2006, 11:57pm EDT
Thanks again everyone, I see it did not post my response to forwarding the message of love to the son. I did tell him his mothers last words and it gave him piece as well...
Tamara L~will view, may comment~ S. Oct 22, 2006, 12:57am EDT
You did the right thing. I'm glad you said that about telling the son. I was wondering.
Karolyn Q. Oct 22, 2006, 4:44am EDT
You absolutely did the right thing.
No doubt about it, exactly the right thing, God Bless you for being there for her....
Dolphi D. Oct 22, 2006, 6:27am EDT
The truth of the sincere heart matters; not the truth that is cast into concrete blocks.
John S. (arizona) Oct 22, 2006, 8:45am EDT
I have to agree with everybody else. Thanks for helping her.
0000-boricua-0000 Oct 22, 2006, 10:53am EDT
Why do you ponder such situations? A "care giver" must naturally care.
George Corneliussen Oct 22, 2006, 12:18pm EDT
I think you did the right thing. The fact that she wanted to say something to Johnny was what was important. Besides, it is my personal belief that we're all connected in a spritual way, so Johnny probably got the message whether he was aware of it or not.
Jewel Hughes Oct 22, 2006, 12:22pm EDT
Great Comments everyone thank you.
I am so encouraged by all of them. I have worked on many different sites and never got the response I am getting here it's so appreciated...
Jerry M. Oct 22, 2006, 1:09pm EDT
Having gone through a similar situation I whole heartedly agree with what you did. If it had not been so close to her death it would have been better to tell her gently who you really were. So close to death it doesn't matter.
Shari V. Oct 22, 2006, 1:18pm EDT
I think you gave this woman a wonderful gift. Maybe, on some level, she knew you weren't Johnny, but she needed to have someone know...someone who may pass the regret on to Johnny.
Diana M. Oct 22, 2006, 1:25pm EDT
For a dying person, this may be their last chance to undo hurt, or make peace. You are a wonderful angel to allow her this comfort.
Jewel Hughes Oct 22, 2006, 1:44pm EDT
You are all giving me so much confidence in my writing I am so grateful...
Amber Fire Oct 23, 2006, 12:06am EDT
Ditto to eveything above.
Lori White Oct 23, 2006, 11:16am EDT
I would've done the exact same thing. It was what she needed most in her last hours. I'm glad to hear her son received her last words. And I had no problem whatsoever reading your article. To have it pointed out the way John did was just plain rude!
Jewel Hughes Oct 23, 2006, 2:53pm EDT
You are all so kind. I am glad to see that there are still kind people in this world. I am so enjoying life on Gather you all make it a great place to be...
Even threw my errors you see the meaning of this post
Thank You so much...
Ela C. Oct 23, 2006, 9:05pm EDT
I don't know what I would do, but I would not answer 'yes I am johny',
I would say nothing or change a subject and say hi, or tell the truth. Dying or not, there is no reason to say I am if I am not Johny. that is my opinion
judy l. Oct 24, 2006, 1:30pm EDT
I think what you did was really nice. And it helped a dying person feel better.
Tai R. L. Oct 24, 2006, 5:13pm EDT
You did the right thing.
Jewel Hughes Oct 24, 2006, 7:35pm EDT
Thanks for your comments everyone...
Jim H. Oct 25, 2006, 4:22pm EDT
I would have done the same thing. You were right to help give her that peace before she died.
Jewel Hughes Oct 25, 2006, 9:33pm EDT
Thanks for reading and commenting Jan and Jim
Halona T. Oct 26, 2006, 1:52am EDT
I care for ederly patients,and you did the correct thing. So many times folks get into complicated situations. If she died without her son,he must have had a reason not to have been there. Yes,the last thing one wishes to hear is ,"I love you."
I have been at the bedside of four deaths. I miss them all terribly.
I did love them...
Jewel Hughes Oct 27, 2006, 1:33am EDT
Wow you a great caregiver it sounds like.
Thanks for reading and commenting...
Victoria Ricketts Oct 27, 2006, 3:33pm EDT
Who can tell probably jonny is her favourite child and she wants toknow that
HER FAVOURITE PERSON IS BESIDE HER WHEN SHE IS DYING.
yes that's a smart move iwould do the same thing .I can definately identify
With you .I am also a nurse and have done the same thing .I addition IF THERE IS SOMETHING SHE WANTS TO TELL JONNY SO I COULD CONVEY THE MESSAGE.
I think you did the right thing too. You provided peace of mind for her and that made her passing easier. I would tell Johnny what she said, though.
Eyvonne H. Oct 21, 2008, 3:37pm EDT
You did the right thing. Anyone with a good heart would have done the same thing. If you ever have the opportunity to speak with her son you could pass her words on to him.
I would have let her think I was whoever she needed me to be.
Paula C. Jan 18, 2009, 4:58pm EST
IF JOhnny was nowhere to be found (Which is sad in itself), I certainly would have listened and just let her talk!
Sandy F. May 18, 2009, 10:05am EDT
I think often someone is where they need to be during a death. You, I mean, not the woman. I think you were there because her son couldn't be. I'm so glad you let him know, he needed to hear what she wanted to say to him.

thanks for being there and helping out.

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