The Ninth Best Dad In The World

Have you ever failed to trust someone and missed significant opportunities--either personally or professionally--as a result? How did that make you feel?

When you get right down to it, the practical issues with regard to extending trust are these: How do you know when to trust somebody? And how can you extend trust to people in ways that create rich, hightrust dividends without taking inordinate risk?

When you're dealing with trust, it seems there are two extremes. On one end of the spectrum, people don't trust enough. They're suspicious. They hold things close to the vest. Often the only people they really trust are themselves. On the other end, people are too trusting. They're totally gullible. They believe anyone, trust everyone. They have a simplistic, naïve view of the world, and they don't even really think (except superficially) about the need to protect their interests. Extending trust can bring great dividends. It also creates the possibility of significant risk.

So how do you hit the "sweet spot"? How do you extend "Smart Trust" in a way that maximizes the dividends and minimizes the risk?

Life is filled with risk. However, as noted historian and law professor Stephen Carter has observed: "Civility has two parts: generosity when it is costly, and trust, even when there is risk." The objective, then, is not to avoid risk. In the first place, you can't; and in the second place, you wouldn't want to because risk-taking is an essential part of life. Instead, the objective is to manage risk wisely-to extend trust in a way that will avoid the taxes and create the greatest dividends over time.

Learning how to extend "Smart Trust" is a function of two factors--propensity to trust and analysis--which are juxtaposed on the matrix [See page 290 in The Speed of Trust].

"Propensity to Trust" is primarily a matter of the heart. It's the tendency, inclination, or predisposition to believe that people are worthy of trust and a desire to extend it to them freely. The degree to which you have this tendency may be due to your inherent personality, to the way important people in your life have (or have not) trusted you, or to your own experience (good or bad) in trusting others-or, most likely, to a combination of these factors.

"Analysis" is primarily a matter of the mind. It's the ability to analyze, evaluate, theorize, consider implications and possibilities, and come up with logical decisions and solutions. Again, the degree to which you have "strong analysis" may be due to a variety or combination of factors, including your natural gifts or abilities, your education and the way you think, your style, and/or your life experience.

An experience with my sons, Christian and Britain, clearly demonstrates both of these factors. One day I took them fishing. We had a great time, and afterward we went to get something to eat. Britain (who was five and had a high propensity to trust at the time) thanked me profusely. He said, "Dad, thank you. Thank you SO MUCH! You're the BEST dad in the WHOLE WORLD!"

Christian (who, at nine, had become more analytical) said, "Britain, you can't just say that he is the best dad in the world. You don't know that, and there are a lot of nice dads out there." Then, suddenly realizing he didn't want to offend me, he added, "I'll bet he's the . . . ninth best dad in the world!"

As you think about these two factors--propensity to trust and analysis--how would you rate yourself on each? Do you typically tend to trust people easily, or do you tend to be suspicious and hold things close? Do you tend to analyze, theorize, and ponder over things--or do you give problems your cursory attention and then move on?

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An excerpt from my book, The Speed of Trust. Copyright (C) 2006 by CoveyLink, LLC.  Reprinted by permission of Free Press, a divison of Simon and Schuster, Inc.  To read my previous post, "Oprah and James Frey: A Lesson in Integrity," click here.

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