Now they tell us! Now it's all coming out that Sarah Palin spent even more than $150,000 on her new wardrobe! Someone in the McCain camp said: "She plundered Neiman-Marcus from coast to coast". Why do they keep picking on that poor girl?
Now, back in Wasilla AK, where is she going to wear all that finery? What is a girl to do? I can see her now, sitting back at her kitchen table drinking a cuppa' coffee with Todd the Dude, feeling blue and betrayed.
"Gosh, what the heck did those people want? Didn't I give them my best shot? What more did they want? Boy! I sure shook them up at the convention! You betcha'! They loved me! Too bad that old gray-haired guy with the fat cheeks was such a drag. Without him, I coulda' won that vice presidency. Boy! I woulda' shook up that congress. As the VP I coulda' really changed things in that place. I woulda' boycotted all those liberals. I woulda' cut them out of their chances to filibuster at 51 votes. There is more than one way to skin a pig!"
No matter what anyone says, don't let them warp your opinion; Sarah Palin is no fool. She may not know her geography or stuff like that, but that pretty little brain behind those shiny eyes and white smile already has a plan.
Scene shift
Remember that Senator from Alaska? I think his name is Stevens. He decided to spruce up his house and invited all his friends to come to the house-raising. You know how friendly and helpful Alaskans are when it comes to their neighbors. Well, one of Senator Stevens's neighbors happened to be a big shot in some oil-drilling company up there. Naturally he wanted to help, and he did. I think he chipped in for about $250,000 worth of goodies for Senator Stevens new house.
Meanwhile, down in Washington, DC, Senator Stevens was actually tending to business at the Senate. How was he to know what was happening back home with all those friends fixing up his house for him? But doggonnit, some sleazy government lawyers claimed all that neighborliness was illegal, and they took Senator Stevens to court and sold that bill of goods to the jury and they convicted him on seven counts! What's with that?
Now that he is a felon, it's harder for Senator Stevens to win this election as usual. Now it's taking longer to count the votes. Some are probably tear-stained. But, mark my words all you doubters, he is going to win! I've got the word straight from his friend Sarah Palin, so count on it!
Back to Wasilla -
So as Sarah is sitting at her kitchen table drinking the coffee that Todd the Dude fixed for her, with all her little ones playing around the house, she is cogitating like mad. She is thinking:
"All I have to do is wait awhile. Senator Stevens will win, and then those stupid idiots down there in the Senate will kick him out. Suddenly there will be a vacancy for a senator from the great state of Alaska. Well, golly, I'm still the governor of Alaska. I can just appoint myself! Sure! That will work! Then me and Todd and the kids can go back there and wow them again, and go to parties and all that, and I can wear all those nice new clothes the Republican Party bought for me. I can see it all now! Senator Palin!
And, I hear there is some good bear hunting up in the mountains down there."
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Comments: 26
Good piece, Ruth. You betcha.
As for her Presidential ambitions in 2012, I think it would be the greatest gift she could give to the Democratic party if she ran and won the nomination.
But Republican leaders are not stupid. They know a lightweight when they see one. She could never get the nomination. She has great camera appeal, though.
Wilhelmine - Leave it to a country girl like you to see the real problems with wearing her new duds in the Alaskan tundra. Those moosees are not going to appreciate her designer labels or her new expensive war paint. She has to do something to change her fate.
Right, Bert. She is really a smart, pragmatic cookie, and I think if she can finagle a Senate seat and hold it for a couple of years, she might actually seem more qualified to her admirerers as a presidential candidate when her chance comes.
Why don't we try to think up a plan B for Sarah. I think her chances may have been ruined for being reelected as governor of Alaska. But there is no denying that she has crowd appeal. How could she use her talents to the best advantage of her family and herself. Anybody have any ideas?
Very very funny article, Ruth. Thanks for the laugh.
Palin in 2012 woud be just one step below Dan Quale!
and poor Alaska, too